“It’s not just about the wedding, it’s about the sacrament.” Truth abounds in these words, and if you’re engaged, you’ve probably spoken them yourself. It’s a grounding thought; peaceful, reassuring, eyes fixed beyond the view that resides immediately outside the church doors. Practically speaking, though, what does that look like? How can you and your fiancé cultivate a heart for marriage, and not just your wedding day, during the engagement, particularly when your to-do list has dozens of other concerns to manage? With an intention-oriented mindset, it is possible to explore your vocation to marriage throughout your wedding planning. Like any vocation, marriage is a call. Within that call lie countless habits, varieties of spirituality, and past stories that make you entirely unique as a couple loving each other in the specifics. Here, concrete ways to answer that call in a way that speaks to who you and your beloved are: Find practical ways to develop good habits for married life The world says living together before marriage is the best preview of what a shared life will be like. Chastity and self-sacrifice notwithstanding when it comes to the matter of cohabitation, I’d argue that the best preview of a shared life is actually taking notice of your spouse-to-be’s attitude toward daily tasks you can share together now: cooking meals, shopping for or assembling items for your future home, planning your upcoming week. Developing hearts of service, compromise, and candor now won’t necessarily make the day-to-day of marriage perfectly easy later. Yet cultivating these habits during engagement through shared projects can help to ease the transition into sharing a home, a schedule, and their accompanying responsibilities. Develop a shared prayer and devotion routine A general habit of praying together is praiseworthy, but a specific routine can be even better. Amidst wedding planning and on into the daily obligations of married life, creating a ritual the two of you can share keeps you accountable for one another’s spiritual lives, gives you moments in the day to look forward to, and inspires stillness and presence. Quietly resting in the Lord is something all of us crave, yet it’s all too easy to push prayer time to later or until you have a large block of time free. A prayer routine looks different depending on every couple’s schedule and spirituality, and that’s good. Talk together about what devotions and saints you’re individually drawn to, and find ways to incorporate them into your prayer life together. Along with standbys like the Rosary or Divine Office, consider choosing a patron saint for your relationship, writing down each other’s and family and friends’ intentions in a visible spot in your home, and selecting a particular prayer (prescribed or your own) to say at the same time each day, even when you’re apart. Go off-syllabus Read a spiritual book together on love or marriage and meditate on the Catholic marriage Rite or on your wedding readings. If you’re looking to go theologically deep, the Church is rich with spiritual nourishment, both classic and new. I love Ven. Fulton Sheen’s Three to Get Married, Karee and Manuel Santos’ The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI’s Deus Caritas Est. Identify ways to give of yourself completely, now and later. Married love is intended to be free, faithful, fruitful, and total, a complete gift of self. The expression of this love looks different before and after marriage, yet starting during the engagement, you can embody self-gift even now. It’s worth identifying ways to empty yourself for love of your spouse, in nonphysical ways, throughout both engagement and marriage. One of the most concrete, most purifying ways my husband and I have found for doing this is the practice of identifying specific daily sacrifices we can make for each other. In addition to consciously offering up your day’s inconveniences for your spouse (traffic, tantrums, or misplaced belongings much?), you might consider fasting from one meal for him, once a week, rejecting unnecessary spending, or taking time to pray or do an act of service for him before settling into your daily leisure time. Talk about your future family culture Marriage prep materials are intended to prompt thoughtful discussion, but when the discussion time is relegated to a few minutes during the actual course, often within earshot of strangers, it’s hard to be candid and to dig deep into even general marital matters. Instead, spend some time when you’re alone and at your leisure to get a little more specific about what you envision for your married life. There’s great value, one that isn’t always acknowledged outright, to discovering and identifying what makes your relationship unique, and how that uniqueness will inform your life together. A family culture focuses less on the material aspects of marriage, and, God willing, parenting, and more on guiding principles and favorite things that can shape who the two of you are as man and wife. My husband and I, for instance, are Love and Responsibility devotees. We make active efforts to will the good of the other over ourselves, to see and to cherish each other in a specific, particular way, and try to teach our young children, in simple ways they can understand, that love is more than a feeling and that each person is created unique and unrepeatable. Pope Saint John Paul II’s wisdom has informed our family culture in a major way. Similarly, yours might include the philosophy or devotions of a particular saint or blessed, as well as traditions, meals, or movies that take on special meaning over time. Over time If during the engagement, it’s hard to envision a fullness of your future family culture or any other aspect of your life to come, that’s because it’s in your future! In marriage I have learned the value of not over-planning for what lies ahead, and, so long as my husband and I are actively discerning God’s will for us and our family, being at peace with where life leads and what preferences and dislikes arise from that. What avenue we will choose for our children’s education, for instance, is a matter that we have yet to determine, and we’ve found that at this time in our lives there is more peace in not yet knowing than in analyzing every possibility or reacting too emotionally to possibilities and decisions that haven’t yet come to pass. It’s okay, and good, not to have every single aspect of your life planned out before marriage! My prayer for you is this: that your engagement is an active, fruitful time of sacred anticipation, that the heavens open on your wedding day, and that your life together be abundantly blessed. Keep these suggestions in mind for keeping your vocation at the forefront of your wedding planning and find your peace in flexibility and waiting on the Father’s timing. Written by Stephanie Callis. She is the Co-founder and Editor in Chief of Spoken Bride and writer of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner.

In fifth grade, I met my future husband. We met through a mutual friend. I went to public school with our friend, who lived a few doors down from Bob. Our friendships survived a childhood of sleepover shenanigans, hanging out at the mall, trick-or-treating together, and dating various friends without ever actually being romantically involved. He was cute, but sort of a jerk, until we met up again after my first year of college. That cute little Bobby was now Bob, and he was all grown up. He was kind but strong, decisive and direct, but loving and complimentary. He was smart and handsome and driven. . . and he became mine. Faith was never an issue while dating because although Bob was Catholic and I was a non-denominational Protestant, he was a sort-of-almost-lapsed Catholic. Which in my unformed mind was sort of like being a Protestant. No conflict there. We would attend Mass with his family sometimes and attend church with mine on other days. For the first three years, we had a long distance relationship so church attendance was never really an issue. And then we got engaged. And suddenly faith became a little more important. Issues of where we would be married, and who would officiate our wedding, and how we would raise our children suddenly needed to be hashed out. My not-so-Catholic fiancé started talking about things like having our marriage ‘recognized’ by the Church. The vows included promising to raise our children Catholic! So what's a girl to do? I had to seriously consider what was most important. Was it more important that I married this man and begin to embrace Catholicism a bit at a time because it was important to him? Or was it critical that I dig in my heels in and reject the Church teachings that I had dismissed before seeking to understand? There was little room for compromise in our wedding ceremony because, well, rules are rules, but I knew that once we set up our home, I would have the influence over my children’s understanding of Christianity. Little did I know that five years after we were married the Holy Spirit would call me to be in full communion with the Church. I wrote about that already (here) so let's just jump to what you can do to help your loved one be or stay open to Catholicism during the dating years. Live Your Faith, Don't Talk It There is a campy song from my Protestant youth group days with the refrain "they will know we are Christians by our love." When we live our faith in plain sight, the joy that comes from living a sacramental life is transparent to those in our lives. Know Your Faith You have to be able to answer the questions of why we do what we do. Why can't women be priests? Why do we believe life begins at conception? Why don't we support the death penalty? Why do we believe in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist? Why do we believe in a triune God? Why do we venerate Mary? What is the Communion of Saints? Why do we pray for the dead? There is beauty and consistency and reason behind all of the teachings of the Church. They can be hard to accept, but they make rational sense once you begin to explore them. If you are hoping for conversion of a loved one, it is a good idea to dig a little deeper into what your faith actually believes. Signing up to be a sponsor for RCIA is a great way to become re-catechized and this will help you to fully understand the personal process that is conversation. Grow in Your Faith Go to Mass, read the daily readings, and develop your prayer life. One of the biggest complaints of our faith from our non-Catholic Christian brothers and sisters is that Catholics don't have a personal relationship with Christ, they don't know Him or His word. Get to know Christ and learn to hear His voice. Recognize it is a Personal Process We are each on our own journey down an individual path towards holiness. Sometimes our paths intersect with others; sometimes they run parallel. As a wife, now my job is to help with the sanctification of my husband. I am called to help him in is path toward holiness. I am not there to make decisions for him, to force him to participate, or fill his world with guilt. Pray for your loved one to hear God’s call and then have the will to respond with courage when he is called. Being called to the Faith isn’t something that you can will upon someone else. It is a personal thing. Dating a non-Catholic can spur you to a deeper understanding of your faith and help you to see what the aspects in which you need to study or grow. My actual conversion to the faith had very little to do with my husband. He introduced me to a priest who opened up my heart to the Holy Spirit. He let me know his faith was important. He prayed with me and for me. When I heard God’s call and told him I was converting, he didn’t make it about him, he knew it was all about God. He saw the beauty and goodness in the process and he supported it. Written by MaryRuth Hackett. Find out more about her here.

I was a little boy-crazy back in high school. I had an endless series of crushes. I dated. I flirted. I broke some hearts and I had my heart broken. I had those puppy-love relationships that felt real and serious and this is it. All of these boys were Catholic—either practicing or, at least, culturally Catholic. I actually met most of these boys through church. I figured, I’d meet some Catholic boy eventually, have the Catholic wedding, and have the Catholic babies and that’d be it. Well, that’s not exactly how it happened. At eighteen, I moved away for college and planned on focusing on school, having some fun, and getting into dental school. I would think about serious dating eventually and get married eventually. Eventually. During my first semester of college at a local club, I met him. He was handsome, friendly, athletic, smart, loyal, funny, caring, interesting, and not Catholic. And I was a goner. At first, I ignored it. He was non-denominational Christian and had a faith-filled upbringing. That was something right? But at some point I had to really decide if dating a non-Catholic was something I could do. Would we just end up hurt in the end? Would I end up compromising too much? I fell head-over-heels in love with this man. He was it for me. I had to ask myself some tough questions. What is his dating philosophy? When I first realized I loved my (now) husband, I knew that I wanted to pursue a real relationship with him. It was important to me that dating was considered a pre-cursor to marriage and not just a way to “rack ‘em up". I was not willing to date casually and constantly wonder whether he was faithful to me and our relationship. We spent about three months going on dates, spending time together, meeting each other’s friends, and getting to know one another. We had a conversation about exclusivity and when we both discussed that our dating relationship would be exclusive and serious, I knew that was a big step in the right direction. Labels were important to me. I wanted to be able to state this is my boyfriend. He did not shy away from that label and he proudly called me his girlfriend. Dating each other was a commitment to be honored and respected. How does he talk about his family and how does he treat them? My husband gushed about his parents. He loves them deeply. He looks up to his father and has a loving and devoted relationship to his mother. He loves his siblings and even while away at college, remained involved in their lives. He called his grandmother. He reminisced about summer get-a-ways with his grandfather. He visited aunts and uncles and played with his little cousins. He was a family man. That was important to me. I could already see the value he placed in family. He did not talk disrespectfully to his mother and he sought advice from his father. I come from a big, loud, and incredibly loving family. I wanted my boyfriend to be able to come to my family gatherings and not be scared away. I wanted to be able to meet his family and get to know them. I wanted us to become part of each other's families. How does he handle conflict resolution? I am a passionate, type-A, control freak. He is a stubborn, equally passionate, and resolute person. We had some conflicts in those dating days. We bickered and fought (still do) but he never took cheap shots. He never walked out. He never shut me out. He never used the silent treatment. He was never violent. He never betrayed my trust. Even when we were upset or mad or hurt, we took the time to hear one another out. He apologized for any wrong-doing. I apologized for my bad attitude. We remained committed to one another and that meant always and every time coming to the table and resolving our conflicts. Does he show curiosity and interest in my faith? Early on, he would come to Mass with me and I would go to church with him. He was respectful of my faith. He asked questions and never tried to change me. He never pressed me to abandon my beliefs. I went through a crisis of faith in college, but he would encourage me to pray about it. He never expressed interest in converting while we were dating and his mom was a bit wary, but he always respected that I was and always will be Catholic. If I were not able to talk about my faith or if I never was able to share it with him, I do not think we would have stayed in a relationship. (He has also has not said he won’t ever convert, so fingers crossed and prayers his way.) What are his beliefs about marriage and the roles of spouses? While I was applying to dental school, I had my first serious thoughts of marriage. We had been dating over two years when I started my application process. I applied to all the California dental schools, but some across the country. I did not want to have to date long-distance so our first serious conversations about marriage went along with my application cycle. We also did not want to live together prior to marriage so it was clear that if we were to move away to dental school together, it would be as husband and wife. It was also important to me that my future spouse had the same beliefs about marriage and the roles of spouses. To me, marriage was for life and not to be taken lightly. He believes the same. He wanted his wife to be his partner in life, through everything, good and bad. He believed that any money we made would be our money and any debt would be our debt. He wanted to have children and raise them to love the Lord. And one month after I was accepted into dental school, he proposed to me. Is he willing to make the Sacrament of marriage? Yay! We’re engaged! Let’s tell our families! Oh wait, just a little thing, was he willing to make the sacrament of marriage with me? Good news, he was. Although he had NO idea what that would entail, he was willing to do it all. He took the NFP class with me. We went on the engaged encounter weekend. We met multiple times with the deacon who was marrying us. We put down the deposit on the church. We did it all. He wanted to do it all. That meant the most to me. And speaking of sacraments, he was willing to baptize in the Catholic Church any children we were blessed with. At the end of the day, there are many factors that go into dating and choosing who to date—personalities, beliefs, values, life styles, etc. But when it comes to deciding to date a non-Catholic, maybe take some time to answer these questions. They helped me decide and now here we are almost six years later with two beautiful children and completely devoted to one another. He’s even doing the Sign of the Cross and attempting to follow along during Mass so . . . progress! Written by Samantha Aguinaldo-Wetterholm. Find out more about her here.

This morning I was reflecting on one of the Blessed Is She daily devotions that spoke about the Cross and seeing it as more than a decorative fixture in our house, but rather, as something that we live. I started thinking about some of the daily crosses I experience in my own life and wondered if a few of them were not meant for me to carry. For example, the other day I woke up extremely tired because one of my sons was sick with a fever in the night and I was up taking care of him. I finally got back to bed and it seemed like only moments later that the alarm clock was ringing. This was a normal cross of motherhood. You take care of your babies and sometimes it leaves you sleep deprived but God gives you the grace to endure. Another morning, I also woke up extremely tired but not because of a sick child. Rather, it was because I was binge watching a favorite show on Netflix. I went to bed way too late on a school night and the next morning I was tired and cranky. That tiredness was a cross I then had to carry but I was never meant to carry it. I was supposed to go to bed at the appointed hour and get a decent night’s sleep so I wouldn’t be acting like a zombie the next day. Is That Cross of My Own Making? As I considered this, other moments came to my mind with similar outcomes. One afternoon I was busy helping my in-laws and by the time I got home I was rushing around to get dinner on the table. I knew God wanted me to be a loving and helpful daughter-in-law and I’d just have to deal with the stress of getting dinner on the table in time. It was the sacrifice God was asking of me at that moment. Another afternoon, I was also rushing around frantic to get dinner on the table but that was because I spent way too much time on the computer when I was supposed to be cooking. That cross should never have happened. My sacrifice should have been turning off the computer and getting my butt in the kitchen. Or what about the day I was feeling ill because I came down with a flu bug? Sometimes illness is unavoidable. But what about the time I was feeling sick and run down because I was overindulging in junk food and desserts? That was not supposed to happen. The distinction is a helpful one when we're undergoing suffering. Take a Second Look. While there are unavoidable things in our lives that will go wrong or will be hard to deal with, sometimes it’s helpful to take a second look and ask ourselves if there’s something we can do to ease the chaos or lighten the cross. Are we overly stressed because we are mismanaging our time or over extending ourselves with outside activities? Are we upset and resentful that our husband isn’t pitching in yet we don’t actually tell him specifically how he can help us out and instead expect him to read our mind? Are we going crazy at work or school because we are getting sucked into someone else’s drama? Are we angry because there is so much stuff to organize and put away and we’re not dealing with the fact that we might just have too much stuff? Only you truly know your situation. You may be doing everything as well as you know how and life is still chaos simply because you have babies and toddlers running around the house. That’s pretty much comes with the territory. You are carrying the expected cross of motherhood. Or maybe you have a busy job with deadlines to meet. Or maybe you have tests to study for and a load of schoolwork to complete on time. True, those are things you can't avoid. However, whatever your situation, it doesn’t hurt to ask God to show you if there are any areas in your life where things could be eased up if you changed a few things around or did something differently. Ask yourself if this is a cross God is asking of you or is it a result of your own bad habits? By changing what we can, we can then put our energy into the following the path God gave us and be at peace that we're not straying onto difficult roads that weren’t meant for us. [bctt tweet="Ask yourself if this is a cross God is asking of you or is it a result of your own bad habits?"] Written by Bobbi Rol. Find out more about her here.

One of the things that has always most struck me about Christianity is how often there are very simple, yet powerful truths I can so easily overlook or avoid. You know what I'm talking about right? Those teachings of Jesus we conceptualize in our hearts and absorb in our head. But sometimes, they just don't translate very well to our hearts. Mercy vs. Judgement. Pray for those who persecute you. Pick up your cross daily and follow Me. Love my neighbors the same way I love myself. Forgive 70 x 7. It is that last teaching of Jesus, particularly the devotion of Divine Mercy that has taught me how to forgive. Who knew I had so much to learn about mercy and forgiveness?! Well, I guess God did. During the Year of Mercy, I was going through a divorce and was awaiting a decision from the tribunal in regards to my annulment case. I have had to forgive a lot of people starting with my former spouse for pain and trauma. I had to offer kindness to my own healing for my own wrong doings and insecurities I dragged into my marriage. I had to forgive the Catholic Church both institutionally and personally. I had to forgive well-meaning people or priest's who made unknowingly insensitive comments to me. I began to really study and reflect on the teaching of Divine Mercy Jesus gave to Saint Faustina, His missionary on earth to remind us of the great mercy of our God. Praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy was a constant way to let go and keep my heart soft. Mercy has changed me radically. Because just as Christ is merciful to me, I am called to show the same mercy to all people. If not, then all this following-Jesus-church-going stuff is a lie. There is no excuse, no reason to say it doesn't apply to me or my unique situation. Either it does or it doesn't. The message of Divine Mercy has taught me we have to forgive the unforgiveable in others because Jesus Christ has forgiven the unforgiveable in me, in you! And mercy and forgiveness do not mean you forget or allow yourself to be a door mat. No, but rather mercy and forgiveness are insurance for our hearts. Insurance protects things like our cars or homes. And we need spiritual insurance to protect our hearts and souls . . . and that is the power of mercy and forgiveness. In his Papal Bull for the Year of Mercy, Pope Francis writes: "We are called to show mercy because mercy has first been shown to us. Mercy is a key word that indicates God's action towards us. He does not limit himself to merely affirming his love, but makes it visible and tangible. By its very nature, it indicates something concrete: intentions, attitudes, and behaviors that are shown in daily living. Just as he is merciful, so we are called to be merciful to each other." No matter the pain or hurt you have faced sisters, we are called as Christian women to go be mercy out in the world. Go be mercy; live mercy; love mercy. [bctt tweet="Go be mercy; live mercy; love mercy."] Because our world is achingly desperate for it. Written by Patty Breen. Find out more about her here.

In the online world, women frequently come across talk about the importance of self-care. We are often told that, in order to function properly, we need to set aside time to take care of ourselves. This tends to elicit two initial reactions: A desperate sigh because, like, who even has time for that? Or, An eye-roll, because self-care is only for the fragile and there’s too much important work to be done. As much as I hate to admit it, these are often my own first thoughts when I reflect upon self-care. I tend to think that self-care is vital for other women, but that I can handle more, suck it up more, push through more. Ha. And I know I’m not alone in these thoughts. I’ve spoken with many women who think they are exempt from the need for self-care either because they can’t imagine how to fit anything else into their overflowing schedules, or they believe that serving others is more important and thus taking time for themselves is taking time away from more important work. Is Self-Care Selfish? As Christians, our lives our imbued with a notion of self-sacrifice. We are a missional Church. We follow Christ’s example, laying down our lives for our friends. We are called to provide support for the marginalized. Our vocations radiate service. Self-sacrifice is a fiber of our being as Christians, as it very-well should be. We pause at the notion of stepping back and focusing on our own bodies, minds, and souls. We are quick to indulge the distorted idea that self-care isn’t Christian because it’s “not directly at service of Christ and His Church.” But I think God might disagree for two reasons. 1. We are called to be stewards. At its core, self-care is all about being good stewards of our bodies, minds, and souls in order to become the best version of ourselves. In Genesis, God commands us to take care of all His creation. And guess what? That includes ourselves. We are His handiwork, and He wants us to flourish and thrive in beauty and love, not be tossed aside or neglected, whatever the motivation. 2. We can’t give what we don’t have. We’ve all heard that we can't give what we don’t have, and this remains true when it comes to taking care of others. There are so many demands on our time and attention as women—family, work, children, friends, volunteer work—and if we don’t take the time to tend to ourselves, our well will dry up rather quickly. We will have nothing left to give. When it comes to things we care about like our family and our work, none of us aim to give the very last leftover bits of ourselves. Rather, we desire to give the very best of ourselves. So when we take care of ourselves, we are filled up, renewed, and restored so we can offer the Lord and the people around us the very best of who we are. The Example of Jesus. If these reasons aren’t enough to convince us of the deep Christian values self care holds, then we can simply look at the life of Christ. If we are meant to live as He lived, then that includes looking at the details of His daily life. He understood the importance of self-care: Many times throughout the Gospels, Jesus retreated from everyone else to rest alone or to pray by Himself (see Mark 1:9-13, Mark 1:35, Mark 6:30-32, Mark 6:45-46, Mark 14:32-42). Jesus took time to sleep, even when it was inconvenient (Matthew 8:23-27). Jesus encouraged others to rest, like when He told Martha not to be anxious about the housework, but to come and relax with Him (Luke 10: 38-42; see also Mark 2:27). When His Apostles were in the midst of major transition (wrapping their heads around Jesus’ death and Resurrection), He fed them (John 21:5-14). These moments recorded thousands of years ago were not included haphazardly. They are a part of Scripture for a reason. Jesus is the Way for us, and that way includes making time for self-care. The Lord loves us so much, He desires only our good, and this means stewarding our whole health. How Do We Live this Out Practically? You might be thinking: “I get it, and I know it’s important. It sounds great, actually. But how do I make this a reality within my specific life circumstances?” That’s the tricky part, isn’t it? Because women are born with maternal instincts, we are quick to set our own needs aside constantly in order to meet the needs of others. Figuring out how to care for ourselves can prove to be an obstacle that seems insurmountable. Thankfully, there are vast and simple ways to be intentional about caring for ourselves. Sometimes, we just need some inspiration, encouragement, and ideas. If you’re wanting to dive deeper into this idea of self care, join us on April 19th (that’s tomorrow!) for a workshop all about it. I’ll be there (hi!), and we’ll have a great time chatting about why self care is important for Christians, and I’ll get to answer your specific questions, too! In the workshop we will discuss: What self care actually is (and what it is not) Why self care is biblical and Catholic What self care might look like for various states in life How you can begin to find your own rhythm of self care When we begin being intentional about the wonderful creation that is us, the need for self-care becomes apparent. Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish; it’s at the service of providing others only the best of who God created us to be. Even God Incarnate knew He needed moments of restoration. We are wise to follow Him. [bctt tweet="When we take care of ourselves, we are filled up, renewed, and restored to give to others."] I hope you can join more of your sisters on the 19th to hash out this topic together. Self-care can sometimes feel like a mythical unicorn, and we are going to do our best to help you make it a reality in your life. See you there! Written by Olivia Spears. Find out more about her here.

We sat in complete darkness listening to the Old Testament readings, one after another revealing the prophecy of the Messiah. My husband stood, flashlight in hand, and walked up to the ambo to speak of Moses and the Pharaoh, the chariots and the charioteers. It is his favorite reading in the Old Testament and he read it at every Easter Vigil Mass for the past several years without exception. All dressed in our Easter finery, I held Jerry’s hand as I thought of all those years preceding. As my mind wandered in the dark, I thought of the many traditions our little family had created surrounding this most holy of days: The egg dyeing on Good Friday, the Food Basket Blessing on Holy Saturday, followed by the making of my Grandmother Stuecken’s German donuts, all ready for the next morning. There was the sewing of fancy dresses and Easter bonnets for our daughter, Courtney, and the search for the most handsome suit we could afford for our son, Jonathan. There was also the hiding of the chocolate bunnies so a certain son with a wicked sweet tooth would not find them before the Easter Bunny arrived. A tear slipped down my face as the readings continued and the memories rolled through my mind’s eye. In that moment, I was so grateful for the dark, for it mirrored my heart. There would be no Easter Bunny this year. There were no new clothes. There were no donuts waiting for the next morning. Nothing was the same in that moment, because our lives were not the same. Our Courtney, our beautiful 22-year-old special needs daughter, our shining star, the heart of our little family, was dead. Celebrating was not something any of us were prepared to do this very first Easter without her. Jerry, Jonathan, and I sat in the same dress clothes we’d worn for her funeral four months earlier. Our hearts were hurting and we were all struggling to find a smile in those early days. Yet here we sat, on this most holy of nights, waiting to celebrate the Resurrection of Our Lord Jesus Christ. I didn’t feel holy. I didn’t feel joy. I felt cheated by a God who said that He loved me more than anything else, yet took my only daughter from me. I felt like the sun would never rise again, and that the veil of tears that threatened to fall any second would be my undoing. Courtney loved church. She loved to hear the choir singing. Our happy princess loved all the hugs and kisses everyone would bestow upon her. She loved to wait until it was silent before calling loudly, sounding like Chewbacca from Star Wars, just to make sure God and all His Angels and Saints knew she was there singing and praising in the only way she knew how. Most of all, Courtney loved to hear the bells, especially when rung at consecration. She would lean forward in her wheelchair, smile and laugh, knowing that the King of Kings had arrived. Her glee could not be contained in that moment. I imagine that if she could have spoken, she would have cried out, “Jesus was in the building, people! Praise Him now and forever!” In the darkness, the tears continued to fall. Everything was so different now. I felt naked without my daughter beside me. We had been the best of friends and partners in crime for 22 years. Her care required great physical and emotional sacrifice from me as well as Jerry and Jonathan, and none of us knew what to do without her. Who was I without her? This night, this most holy night, I felt bereft without her. How was I going to get through the rest of the Mass? I felt the need to run. To just get up and leave. My hands were shaking, and everything in me was screaming: “Just go. Just go. Just go.” The last thing I wanted to do was stumble and fall in the dark, thereby making a bigger fool of myself than I was just by sitting there crying quietly. I knew I would not run, and I hated that. I hated knowing I had no choice but to remain seated and continue to listen. I placed my head upon my husband’s shoulder and closed my eyes. I began to silently pour out my heart to my daughter. In my mind’s eye, we were sitting on a park bench and the sun was shining. I knew she was sitting next to me but I couldn’t see her face. I just knew she was there. I told her how much I missed her and how mad I was at God for taking her from me. I told her everything that had happened with me, her big brother, and her daddy since she left us. I told her I wanted her back and asked, “Why can’t you come back?” I told her all this while sitting in the dark at Easter Vigil Mass. It felt like I had spent hours talking to her, but in reality it was only a few minutes. I asked her to tell me she was OK. “Give me a sign, Courtney. Anything, Sweetie. Just let me know you are OK.” I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and wiped my tears away, knowing that no sign was coming. I looked up at my husband’s face and thanked him in a whisper for never leaving my side. He squeezed my hand and smiled. I took another deep breath and waited for the readings to be over. I opened my ears again, listening to the ache of the Jewish people calling out for their Messiah in one reading after another. I understood that ache. I felt the same way about the loss of my child. How much longer, Lord, do I have to wait to be with her again? How much longer? In voicing that lament, I felt the strangest thing happen. I was overcome by a calm I had not felt in months. In the next few moments, I felt like I stepped outside my body and was watching someone else. And then I realized there were bells ringing. So many bells. The lights came up, the congregation was standing, and the Gloria was being sung for the first time in 40 days. Jerry had tears streaming down his face and he gripped my hand, leaning in to say above the din, “Remember the bells, Mary. Courtney loved the bells. She is here, right now, with us. She’s probably ringing the things herself. Listen to the bells, Babe.” He sang the Gloria, in his beautiful baritone, and I just wept. The bells. How could I forget the bells, Courtney? I lifted my hands in praise. I praised Him for the gift of knowing that my girl was OK and dancing at the foot of the throne, right then at that very moment. I sang the Gloria through my tears and felt joy for the first time since my daughter took her last breath in my arms. After Mass, we were greeted by many parishioners who shared how they felt Courtney’s presence so strongly that night during the Gloria and again at the consecration. “Remember how she would sing with joy or laugh whenever the bells rang?” they said over and over. I smile every time I think of that Easter. It was the hardest one of my life and yet the most joy filled in memory. We are approaching our third Easter without our beautiful Courtney. The family traditions have been simplified to meet our family’s changing needs. Instead of a purchasing a fancy dress or a new suit, we buy and bring a beautiful bouquet of flowers to our daughter’s grave. If the weather cooperates we sit, have coffee while enjoying Grandma Stuecken’s German donuts, and tell stories of our girl and enjoy being a family of four again for the briefest of moments. I am no longer mad at God for I see the beauty of His plan revealed to me a little more every day. I am forever grateful for His faithfulness to our family during our struggle. Courtney’s story continues to be shared far and wide. I feel her presence during every Mass I attend as she praises God just beyond the veil. Our daughter may have left our arms, but she is still with us, residing always in our hearts. If you find yourself grieving for a loved one this Easter, know that you are not alone. Grief has a funny way of showing up during the most solemn of days. Know that I am praying for you and your wounded heart. May you hear God’s love song in the beauty of the bells. Written by Mary Lenaburg. Find out more about her here.

As a child, I used to wonder why we called Good Friday good. As I get older and grow more and more in love with God, days like those of the Sacred Triduum have become a time of deep adoration and contemplation. Not only did the God of the universe become incarnate in the womb of a poor, young virgin, but He also eventually suffered, died, and rose again to save us. The paradoxes of our faith enable me to embrace the often-perplexing mysteries of everyday life. [bctt tweet="God works through weakness."] In my fifteen years in my religious community, I have had the opportunity to go to other countries a few times. I found myself in a very difficult interior space during one of these times abroad. My family and friends back home also seemed to be enduring storms, and it was difficult to be so far away from them. Amid all of the interior and exterior difficulties, my body started to react in a way I had never experienced before. I had, up to that point of my life, been blessed with good health. I noticed myself feeling more and more physically weak, and I tried to become more mindful of eating well and resting enough. But one day as I was going upstairs, I noticed that I was gripping the banisters on the staircase and pulling myself up. I was shocked when I realized I was trying to divide my body weight between my legs and my arms to get upstairs. To this day, I am profoundly grateful for the compassion and help of the Sister who was in charge, and to this day, that period of my life and the physical challenge is a bit of a mystery. Although you and I have probably never put our hand into Christ’s side, we do have opportunities to draw near and experience the power of His love. The compassion and goodness of others is a marvelous gift. This Sister who was in charge was drawing from her own experience of inexplicable sickness and difficult moments in her life to walk with me, and she taught me the power of gentle goodness that day. Her smiles, gentle jokes, listening ear, and calm presence illustrated the Lord’s way of patient love and loving patience. I am confident, from experience, that God never fails us and that God’s mercy is indeed, as our Blessed Mother said, “From age to age on those who fear Him.” (Lk 1:50) But I am sure He can periodically lift the clouds in our souls to encourage us as we take up our cross to follow Him. God always gave enough in those months. Enough interior strength, enough friends and supports, enough grace. One day as I walked into our community chapel, I felt the Lord speak in my heart, “I am with you.” These words consoled me so deeply that they illumined the darkness and the pain of being so far away from my friends and family who were suffering. These words reawakened me to the strength of God’s ever-present but quiet grace in my soul. I felt known and understood. He was accompanying me, and so my heart was in harmony with those powerful words of Saint Paul, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” along the sentiment of the line in the Anima Christi, “Passion of Christ be my strength.” The darkness of Good Friday gives us the light by which to decipher the next best step of the present moment. I regained my physical strength only gradually and perhaps will not see the same level of energy again. But the Lord clearly and decisively gave me the grace to know that my task was: to lovingly do whatever He was going to put under my nose in each present moment. This became enough for me because He was enough for me. The Lord allowed Himself to feel the darkness of feeling like the Father was distant: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Although in our brighter moments we know God never abandons us, sometimes we go through dark nights where we feel forsaken. These words of Sacred Scripture spoken by the Divine Word Himself are sweet courage for me today. They remind me that it’s okay to tell God when I feel weak because then I can discover like Saint Paul that in Christ “[W]hen I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor 12:10) Good Friday is good because on Good Friday God teaches us His way. God draws nearest to us with compassion and love, especially when we feel we have nothing. God’s power, then, is not so much a mightiness that causes us to shudder in fear and trembling, but a sweet desire on God’s part to use His almighty presence to encourage us. God changed my heart through the experience that I had and has allowed me to ask for the grace to not be afraid of weakness and darkness either in myself or in those I serve. He has shown me what the Psalmist prays: “The darkness is not dark to you, and the night is as bright as day.” (Ps 139:12) Written by Sr. Maria Kim-Ngân Bùi. Find out more about her here.

It was Holy Week 2012. I was grieving a child I would never get to hold, and whose face I would never get to see. Holy Week 2011 I had been pregnant. I carried a secret that only my husband and I knew about. That Holy Week we smiled at each other excitedly throughout the services of the Triduum. On Easter Sunday, we told family and friends that we were expecting. And then, only few weeks later, we lost that baby. The year that ensued was one filled with a lot of doctors' appointments, a lot of negative pregnancy tests, and a lot of tears. By the time Holy Week 2012 rolled around we still had no baby in our arms, and the bitterness of infertility was starting to set in. It seemed like everyone around us was announcing pregnancies and bringing home babies from the hospital. There was baby shower after baby shower. Everyone was happy and excited, and it was killing me. Lent came to me as a relief that year. I didn’t feel like being happy, and Lent was something that I didn’t have to force a smile for. I could just be sad. But it turns out the Lord wasn’t going to just let me wallow, like I had hoped. He is in the business of bringing redemption out of suffering. My Holy week journey would include the road to Calvary, but it would also include the joy of the Empty Tomb. Survey that wonderful Cross. Stations of the Cross is something most Catholics pray only during Lent, but I think it would do us a lot of good to pray the Stations many times throughout the year. After all, crosses are not just for Lent. We all deal with them, all the time. They’re heavy, ugly, and painful. But they can also bring us closer to Jesus, if we let them. No one enjoys suffering, but when I think about my life, it’s been during those times of carrying a heavy cross that I have felt closest to God. That’s because “the Lord is near to the brokenhearted.” (Psalm 34:18) When life is awesome, we often forget our need for God. But when life rocks us with grief, when suffering has depleted us of our own strength, we are forced to rely on Him, and He gives us the grace we need. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Co 12:9) When I felt like I couldn’t face another smiling pregnant woman, or endure another person asking me “Don’t you want kids?” when the pain of wanting a baby was so overwhelming, when grief had zapped all of my strength, Jesus was there, pumping grace into my soul. I had to rely on Him because there really wasn’t anything else I could do. That Holy Week, as Jesus carried His Cross to Calvary, I walked with Him, carrying my own cross of infertility. The pain didn’t go away, but there was comfort knowing Jesus was beside me. Don’t forget about Mary. Being a convert, I’ve been a little slow to pick up on Marian devotions. I was most wary of the devotion to her in Catholicism as I went through my catechesis. I believed she was Theotokos, God-bearer, and that she was full of grace, but I had never felt drawn to her for spiritual support, until that Holy Week. “Jesus Meets His Afflicted Mother.” It’s the fourth station in the Stations of the Cross. After praying it every Friday during Lent it finally hit me, Mary was a grieving mother, just like me. Her child died, just like mine. How she must have suffered, how she must have longed to hold her Son again, just like I longed to hold my baby. Mary gets me. And what’s more, she is in Heaven, praying for me. The Litany of the Saints gets real. Remember when I said that Holy Week is a journey from darkness to light, from grief to joy? Well, it had been a pretty dark year, I had done a lot of grieving, and I was ready for some joy. And God delivered in a completely unexpected way. We were about two hours into the Easter Vigil, an amazingly beautiful, and amazingly long liturgy, when it was time to sing the Litany of the Saints, and I was starting to get a little sleepy. I half heard each name as it was chanted, and I in turn chanted the response, “Pray for us.” And then we got to Saint Anastasia, and I began to weep. I never named the baby that we lost. My miscarriage was quick, messy, and confusing. I never even saw that baby. There was no way for me to know if it was a boy or a girl. But as I heard the name 'Anastasia' I knew that that was what we should name that baby. And I knew that that soul which I had carried for a such short time was in Heaven with all the Saints, before the throne of God, praying for me. My infertility wasn’t cured that day, and I wasn’t magically given a baby to hold in my arms, but I was reminded that God had used my husband and me to create a new soul. There was joy in the knowledge that I was a mother, and that my baby was in Heaven. There is life after death, that’s the promise of Easter. The journey of Holy Week. That Holy Week I found so much grace in my cross of infertility. Grace forcing me to rely on Jesus in a way I never had before. Grace opening my eyes to elements of my faith I had not seen before. Grace bringing joy out of suffering. Darkness to light. Grief to joy. Death to life. This is the journey of Holy Week. [bctt tweet="Darkness to light. Grief to joy. Death to life. This is the journey of Holy Week."] Written by Anna Coyne. Find out more about her here.

Ever since I succumbed to a physical and mental breakdown in December and have been undergoing intensive psychotherapy, I have learned an interesting fact about people: they do not like you to call yourself crazy when the context is that you are actually crazy. I mean, crazy can mean something good on so many other occasions: “Your hair looks crazy good today.” “Girl, you are so crazy, I love you for it.” “You won a LuLaRoe shopping spree? That is CRAZY.” People are comfortable to use the word crazy in any number of contexts. But when I use it in place of "post-traumatic stress induced mood and anxiety disorders with depressive cycles and obsessive-compulsive tendencies," everyone freaks out like I am a baby who has just licked something disgusting off the floor, running toward me, shaking their hands, “No, no, no, don’t say that about yourself, you are not crazy. You have an illness. And look at you, you are in therapy. You are working so hard. And you are going get better.” These comments leave me thinking two things: First, these people are a bit like an attending healthcare provider who hasn't experienced labor promising you it won’t be that painful. Second, these people are missing the point entirely. The point being that this entire situation actually does qualify as crazy, and I am not being self-deprecating when I call myself that. When you are a highly adaptive, over-achieving extrovert, wife of almost twenty years, homeschooling mom to five sons, Catholic missionary and non-profit founder, writer and speaker, and it’s a week before Christmas and you suddenly find yourself in the hospital because you just, well, cracked under accumulated anxiety and stress and also no one ever really diagnosed that long list of things mentioned above, life gets really crazy. Second of all, we still live in a culture, especially a religious culture, where talking openly about mental illness is awkward for everyone, if not totally taboo. If you are the person who had the mental breakdown and is going through all the intensive therapy and people who are not sure what to say and are always asking things like, “How are you?” “Let me know how things are.” “Do you need anything?” in hushed, drawn out tones that allow you to see the concern lines furrowed between their brows even in a Facebook message, you get to decide what response works for you. Because you are the one in the heat of this battle for your brain and your body and your life and you are often tired and too emotionally foggy to know the answer to any of those questions. For me, using the term "crazy" works. There's a hinge of humor behind it. It feels appropriately vitriolic when I need it too. And dramatically artistic as a side-bonus. It is, in fact, an offering and an acceptance of mercy. When I call myself crazy, it is my reminder to extend myself a little extra kindness and compassion for all the ways it seems I have negatively affected my family’s life over the last few months and for the stress I have caused other people. When I call myself crazy, I am moving toward acceptance that I can be all that string of words in the diagnosis above and at the same time still be all the string of words in the description of myself above. I just need a little more care and rest and medication to do it than most people. And for right now, I cannot be all of that at once. I have to pick and choose slowly and carefully as I recover. And there is a softness, a mercy, in "crazy" that allows me that mercy for myself. I can use the term to interact with others in this sensitive time and be honest about what I am dealing with, but leave the deep vulnerability of acceptance and the work of getting well, the stuff of the big, long words, safely between me, myself and God. Crazy is not so much an adjective I plan to cling to as my identity forever as it is a safe place I have created as I recover. Maybe one day, I won’t need the safety of the word the way I need it right now. But if you hear me calling myself crazy any time soon, this is your permission to just smile or laugh or hug me or sit silently depending on the context and not try to take it away from me. Because this is my cross, and I have fallen, and I am making my way back up from my knees so I can keep walking. And this is my moment to burrow close in my heart next to my suffering Jesus and let Him tell me I’ll be okay until I believe it. And calling myself crazy is the act of mercy that keeps me from hiding from the world while we do that work. [bctt tweet="This is my cross, + I've fallen, + I'm making my way back up from my knees to keep walking. @colleencmitch"] Plus, it’s more off-putting than it is frightening to people, and that makes me feel less awkward and less likely to fill that awkward space by saying actually crazy things, so let’s go with. At least until Easter comes, and then maybe I’ll be ready to sing “alleluia” crazy-loud with the rest of the world. Written by Colleen Mitchell. Find out more about her here.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with chronic PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) resulting from some childhood trauma. Looking back, I did suffer from severe anxiety my senior year of high school and freshman year of college, but it subsided when I transferred out of state for college my sophomore year. My prayer life during those three college years of reprieve was awesome. I went to daily Mass, prayed a daily holy hour, prayed the Rosary, regularly attended praise and worship nights, and went on retreats. During the time my struggle with mental illness subsided and prayer was doable. I struggled some times more than others, but it was a constant in my life. However, three years ago, when I moved back to Atlanta the PTSD struck me hard. I stopped sleeping and eating and praying; it was all that I could do to go to work each day. In these three years, I'm still struggling with this severe anxiety. If you have suffered from anxiety, then you know the power it can take over your entire life; I specifically have struggled with the change it caused in my prayer life. Moments that I used to spend in quiet adoration with my Lord, often now produce flashbacks, anxiety, or complete disassociation, which has not encouraged me in my prayer life. Through spiritual direction, therapy, and advice from friends, I have developed some practices in prayer that work better for me in times of severe anxiety. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Music. Sometimes I just don't have it in me to sit in silence, but I love being in front of my Lord in Adoration. Playing some praise and worship directs my mind into a specific prayer so that it doesn't wander. Here is my playlist of praise music that helps me to not feel anxious. I also play spiritual music around the house or on walks in times when I really don't want my mind to wander. Reading. Spiritual reading is one of the practices that helps me the most when I'm anxious. However, it doesn't always work because it can be impossible to concentrate on anything when you hit a wall. But if you can, it can really help your mind not to wander and instead direct your thoughts towards God. If you're looking for a Catholic book on spiritual healing within psychological wounds, Be Healed by Bob Schuchts, is helpful. I've found that doing the daily readings can really help center my thoughts as well. Nature. Mindfulness is a psychological technique where you focus on the stimuli around you rather than what's going on in your head. It was first introduced to me by a Catholic therapist. While I personally am horrible at it, I know that it works for many people. Nature helps me to be mindful when I'm trying to have quiet prayer time. Because there are more things going on outside and I'm not just sitting in a quiet chapel, my mind is less likely to drift and more likely to stay in the present moment. Sitting outside to pray on a nice day, or taking a long walk or hike, can actually make a world's difference for my prayer life. Shortened Rosaries. Some people find the Rosary calming, but during times of anxiety, it does not calm me. If you want to pray the Rosary, but don't but get distracted by negative or anxious thoughts by the third decade, I suggest breaking it up by decade and praying over the time span of a day. Praying a decade on my way to work, one during my lunch break, one on my way home, one when I'm cooking dinner, and one as I put the baby down, helps my mind to not get flooded with other thoughts. It may not be the most mystical experience, but I know that I am doing homage to the Lord and to His mother. On bad days, I'll pray a "shortened rosary," meaning that every two Hail Mary's, I'll start a new decade meditation so that I can fit all the meditations within one decade. Prayer/Mass Buddies. Sometimes when I'm in Mass I start to feel like I can't breathe, I think it's the quiet time that does me in. I've noticed that with both prayer and Mass, I'm able to concentrate better when I am with someone. I think having a friend beside me helps me remember where I am and feel safe. The man fidgeting in the pew behind you wouldn't distract most people, but to someone with PTSD or severe anxiety, it might be enough to induce panic. Having someone I love beside me usually helps me to pray. Pick your Best Time of Day to Pray. If you have anxiety, then you probably have one point in the day that's a little bit better than others. For me, I'm definitely worse at night, and I tend to be best and pray best in the middle of the day. Give God some of the time when you're feeling well so that He can work healing in your heart. Offer it Up. This sounds very cliché, but when I'm very anxious, it helps if I can offer it up for somebody. Offering it up gives some sort of meaning to what seems like unnecessary suffering. If I know that one of my friends has recently lost a baby or has lost a job or is struggling with their own sources of anxiety, then it really helps me to offer my suffering for the sanctification of their souls and peace in their lives. If you are suffering from severe anxiety, depression, or PTSD, you are not alone. I have met so many wonderful people who suffer from these mental illnesses. Praying through these ailments is a hard fight to fight, but God relishes in our successes and blesses our efforts. I'm praying for you sisters, pray for me. [bctt tweet="If you are suffering from severe anxiety, depression, or PTSD, you are not alone."] Any tips that help you through anxiety? We love to hear your comments. Written by Katherine T. Find out more about her here.

Christ became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Because of this, God greatly exalted him and bestowed on him the name which is above every name. Grab this free downloadable wallpaper for your desktop and phone from Erica of Be a Heart to remember what is coming. Phone Wallpaper Desktop Wallpaper

Let's say you want to make more time to celebrate the liturgical year, but every time you go searching for ideas, you find a plethora of children’s craft and youth group game ideas. While those things are so needed in those specific arenas, where does the adult woman fit in? How do we celebrate the beauty of the Church year as an adult? [bctt tweet="How do we celebrate the beauty of the Church year as an adult?"] Here are a variety of ideas for adult members of the Church so they too can feast on and observe these special days. From recipes to readings and chrism to charity, you’ll find plenty of gorgeous ways to live your faith this next month. Palm Sunday (April 9) Today is also known as Fig Sunday because tradition holds that Jesus ate figs while entering Jerusalem. Make yourself a fancy appetizer of prosciutto wrapped figs to enjoy before dinner. They couldn’t be easier: slice figs in half and stuff with goat cheese. Wrap stuffed figs with half of a slice of prosciutto and bake at 400 F for about 10 minutes. Holy Thursday (April 13) Holy Thursday, or Maundy Thursday, is when the Church celebrates the Chrism Mass. Chrism oil that will be used throughout the year is blessed on this day by priests and bishops. Find out when and where your diocese will be holding their Chrism Mass and make plans to attend. Good Friday (April 14) This is the most solemn day in our Church—the day we remember Jesus’ death upon the Cross. We specifically honor the hours between noon and 3pm when Jesus was breathing His last breaths. Keep holy these hours on Good Friday. Turn off as many distractions as you can. Talk as little as you can manage. And, if possible, attend a Stations of the Cross service or pray the Stations on your own. Holy Saturday (April 15) This is a day of waiting for the faithful, but for Jesus, it’s anything but boring. His Holy Saturday was spent in the depths of Hell freeing the Holy Souls. No Mass is celebrated until the Easter Vigil tonight when a new Paschal candle will be brought into the church. Learn how to make your own Paschal candle out of beeswax. Divine Mercy Sunday (April 23) God’s mercy is greater than all of our sinfulness. Today we celebrate His unending love for us despite our shortcomings. You can receive a plenary indulgence today under the usual conditions. For directions, visit Catholic Culture. St. Bernadette (April 16) Our Lady of Lourdes appeared to young Bernadette in 1844. The site of Our Lady’s appearance is a popular and beloved pilgrimage site for Catholics across the globe. Learn more about St. Bernadette and Our Lady of Lourdes by renting The Song of Bernadette. Since she was from France, enjoy the movie with a glass of French wine. St. Gianna Beretta Molla (April 28) St. Gianna was an Italian pediatrician, wife, and mother. She is most well known for her pregnancy with her youngest daughter whom she insisted on carrying to term despite the fact that it cost Gianna her life. Many women find themselves in crisis pregnancy situations today—married and unmarried women alike. Call your local pro-life pregnancy center, and see how you can donate time, talent, or money to their mission. St. Catherine of Siena (April 29) St. Catherine was an Italian third order Dominican born in 1347. She is a Doctor of the Church. Check online or at your library for a copy of the Dialog of Catherine of Siena which she wrote during a state of ecstasy in which she conversed with God. Commit to reading the entire dialog or just an excerpt. May Crowning No one is ever too old to honor her Mother. Pick a date in May to plant a garden to honor Mother Mary. Whether you choose seeds or bloomed flowers, a traditional garden or a windowsill pot, create a sweet garden to crown Blessed Mary as Queen of Heaven and Earth. If you have a statue of Mother Mary, place it in or near your new garden. *** We hope that you are able to incorporate one, some, or all of these ideas into your calendar. We know that by doing so, you will form an even closer bond with Our Lord and His bride—the Church. What other ideas have you used for celebrating these liturgical days? Let us know in the comment section. Written by Jenna Hines. Find out more about her here.

Chances are you've been compelled—more than once—to reach for your phone or other flashy device when it's not exactly helpful, polite, or even safe. Chances are you've also seen many reports, probably while scrolling through social media in fact, which encourage us to detach from our often-obsessive digital lives. Study after study tells us that excess screen time re-wires our brains to be wired—and tired—all the time, while messing with our relationships and quickly creating dependency. So . . . what’s the “so what” for us as faithful women? Well, when I tried to give up social media for the first time, I discovered myself that for many women, digital overuse stems from an attempt to fill a void that only Something Greater can fill. So this, my friends, is a look at digital detox that involves God. How do we begin? One step at a time. We need to recognize the areas where we struggle most, evaluate the very real needs behind them, and acknowledge our desire to bring health and healing to those places. Here are some questions to get started! Signs you might need a detox: Does your device distract you from fully interacting with those around you? Does it interrupt real-life conversations or one-on-one time? Do online relationships pull you away from real-life relationships, or contain more depth than most of your real-life relationships? Can you go more than 20 minutes without glancing at your phone, heading to social media, or responding to a notification? Do you stop in the middle of a task when you get a notification? Do you set out to complete an intentional task on a device, but soon find yourself doing something completely unrelated? Do you automatically go to your phone or screen for "relief" when you're overwhelmed, anxious, bored, or having trouble sleeping? Is it your primary escape from life's stress or demanding tasks? Detox Tips Getting started. The “best” method is different for everyone. A healthy balance will depend largely on your level of digital attachment, your confidence level, your personality, and your vocation. Some people can go cold turkey, and others are successful in limiting their digital usage to specific hours of the day. Some of us just need general guidelines, while others (raising my hand) need clearly defined, black and white, hard and fast “rules” to follow. Whatever you decide, here’s a non-exhaustive list of tips to help you get started: Re-order priorities: Go to God first. Whatever your reason for heading to your device, bring it to God first. Sharing a lovely picture? First thank God for the moment, and acknowledge what it means to you—independently of others. Need to vent or get advice? Tell God how you feel and ask for His guidance before anyone else. He knows you best! Looking for information? Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in wisdom and productivity, no how big or small the task. Define your ideal digital presence. Think about the ways you want to spend your time in front of the screen. If it's not hours of scrolling, what is it? Name qualities you value most in digital sharing: authenticity? Charity? Connection? Ask God how to use the gifts He's given you specifically in your online presence and on social media. Write down your vision and keep it visible to reference often. Work on self-acceptance and self-confidence. If your sense of acceptance and worth are tied to your social media presence, reject those lies and actively seek the Truth of your worth. Write down your God-given gifts. Remind yourself that in every moment God loves you as much as He ever has and ever will. Remind yourself that God's will for your life is real, and infinitely important. Work on relationships. If you're escaping to your digital world because of tough relationships, instead take a step to address the underlying issue. Do you need to plan a night for self-care so you can come back to your family refreshed? Do you need to address an issue you've been avoiding with a friend or relative? Do you need to seek counsel from a priest or licensed counselor for a difficult situation? Don't forget physical health. Keep your device away from mealtime, and try to keep your last hour before bedtime as screen-free as possible. Screen light, even on the "night" setting, disrupts your brain and delays important restorative sleep, which is crucial for healthy immune systems and productivity throughout the day. Make access harder: Out of sight: relegate your phone to a less-distracting place during important tasks or interaction, like the bottom of your handbag at work, or upstairs during a family dinner. Move apps. Get social media or other time-wasting apps off your homescreen and shortcut bar. Put them in a folder you have to work to get to, or delete them altogether if there's a mobile or desktop version you can use instead. Log out. Make yourself log out of time-wasting sites and apps completely, so it takes more effort and intentionality to re-enter your username and password, helping you limit your log-ins to when you actually have time. Lock out. Use an app that locks your phone to keep you productive. Away from the wheel. If you're tempted to text or glance at your phone while driving, shut that down by placing your phone safely in your backseat or trunk. If you need it for navigation, set the route before you leave and keep your device as far from reach as possible. Challenge yourself in Self-Control: Minute to win it. If you're tempted to check something when it’s not polite, safe, or productive, dare yourself to wait one minute. Up the waiting game. If you make it one minute, wait two more. Then try five more minutes. Pray through weakness. Ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen your resolve and help you maintain self-control. Reward yourself. When you do get some downtime, reward your self-control success by setting a timer for a few minutes of screen time at your leisure. You might even find that increasing self-control in this area helps self-mastery in other areas you tend to overindulge, too! Find replacement behaviors: All the prayer. When I gave up social media for Lent, I committed to a daily rosary instead. I also collected prayer intentions from loved ones, wrote them in a journal, and tried to set my journal on top of my phone—so whenever I went to reach for my phone, I'd stop and pray first. Prayer is always the best remedy! Hobbies galore. Make a list of hobbies you enjoy that don't involve a screen. Reference the list when you're bored or antsy. Change of scenery. Still tempted by distraction? Divert your attention in a healthy way. Get out of the house or office, take a walk, do a little stretch, look around, or take a few relaxing breaths. Brain Food. If you usually relax or escape with mindless scrolling, find something else restorative and engaging: an enlightening podcast, a book, art, music, etc. Create accountability: Involve others. Tell your friends to tell you (charitably) to get off your phone if it's distracting your conversation. Same goes for your spouse and kids. If I toss my phone at my husband before bedtime prayers with the kids, he knows it's because I need to keep the distraction away and focus on our family time. And the kids? They have no problem telling Mom to get off her phone and pay attention to them! It's sometimes annoying to be called out, but also seriously helpful. Sticky notes. If visual reminders work for you, put them everywhere. On your computer, around the house, wherever you know you'll need them most. Set time limits. Apps and websites are designed to keep you clicking. Don't get sucked in! Set a timer for an appropriate amount of time, or reminders to stay on task. If you see something you really want to revisit, save or bookmark it for later when you have more time. Why do a detox? Let's examine what can be behind our digital habits as women. The Good Technology makes many worthy pursuits easier than ever before: accessing important information, snapping a picture and sharing a memory, or keeping up with friends and loved ones. The primary benefit reported by women is, unsurprisingly, seeking and building community. It’s a concept that stems from a very good, divinely-imprinted need: the need for each other. God created us to exist in community. He wants us to thrive in sisterhood, to maintain connections that support and encourage and challenge each other to a higher good. We exist to love and be loved—in order to ultimately share God's love with the world. At its very best, our digital usage makes all of these things happen. Isn't that encouraging? Truly, technology and social media have propelled our access to community and our global sharing of faith to a whole new level. [bctt tweet="God created us to exist in community. He wants us to thrive in sisterhood."] The Not So Good Of course, we're all human, and we’ve all experienced the double-edged sword of our digital interaction. The wealth of information that allows us to research or respond to an important matter is also a repository of endless distraction, where we find ourselves suddenly coming to and wondering how long we’ve been senselessly scrolling. The freedom that makes it easier to write a kind word is the same freedom that makes it easier to hurriedly tap out a flippant or hurtful response that we’d never think to utter face-to-face. And for every uplifting interaction, there’s the drain of latent anxiety, driven by very real compulsions and fears: the need to know, the pull to mindlessly escape life's stress, the fear of not being included, and the ever-popular "FOMO," or fear of missing out. So we dive into the world behind our screens, seeking a community to fill our very real need for love, affirmation, acknowledgement, and direction. But so often we receive a tainted, insufficient version of these qualities from imperfect people, then wind up unwittingly hungering for their folly-ridden feedback in place of God’s perfect and complete love. Such attachment creates a sort of micro co-dependency. We might hang our entire emotional well-being on whether enough people or a specific person on the other side of the screen respond—and if they respond in the "right" way. Ultimately, we end up needing higher and higher amounts of escape time or false assurance to garner the same satisfaction. Additionally, digital overuse robs us of important life skills, like the ability to sit with the discomfort of a situation, develop patience, and use critical thinking, or problem solving. We start to miss out on the world and relationships outside our screen. We fill our lives with curated online community over investing intentional effort to create that local "village" so crucial to our well being. Finding Balance Clearly, while the digital world is filled with benefits, we're also prone to using it to the detriment of ourselves and others. But I think you and I would agree that we don't succumb intentionally. We'd all love to be less attached to the diversions inside our screens and spend more time looking out, invested in true growth and happiness. Old habits die hard, and facing the reality behind our attachments takes work and self-awareness. But it's more than worth it to embrace a healthier you and a more balanced digital presence—for the good of yourself and others! How do you create balance in this digital age? Share your own tips and ideas! Written by Megan Hjelmstad. Find out more about her here.

I sometimes discover myself holding a funny tool to measure ‘success’ the spiritual life. Here we are: deep into Lent. At this point you and I might be tempted to stop and measure. Some of us have already measured and might be wearied by this 40-day spiritual exercise. Perhaps some are pretty happy with the way things are going. Either way, we might want to check our measuring tool and make sure it’s not the funny sort. If you are like me, you might check to see if you are holding the “how much I do" measuring tool. You and I both know the goal of the spiritual life is: holiness. Holiness is revealed by Our Lord’s total self-gift on the Holy Cross. You may want to stop reading right now because I just added to the weariness of the journey. But wait. Sacred Scripture is filled with Our Lord’s promises to be with us. If they could, the Saints would use a foghorn to tell us: “Keep running the race! Keep fighting the good fight! You got this!” In fact, I am willing to bet Saint Paul would love a foghorn to underscore his points. Remember phrases like: “Behold I am with you even to the end of the age.” “Remain in Me as I remain in You.” “Ask for anything in My name, and it will be given to you.” Dear Sisters in Christ, it hardly matters how you think your Lent is going. If you are reading this and you sincerely want to have the Best-Lent-Evah, just ask the Lord! God sees your heart. God is rich is mercy. God is full of compassion. [bctt tweet="God sees your heart. God is rich is mercy. God is full of compassion."] Do we mess up? Yes. But the real measure of success and growth in the spiritual life is trust in the One who died on the Cross and rose from the dead to save you and me. If your Lent has been full of twists and turns and you do not know where or how to measure, look at a Crucifix or an image of Divine Mercy. Then begin again. Humble yourself before the One who came to save you. Then begin again. God loves you more than you can imagine. Is it that simple? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. But love is worth it. One of my favorite things to do during Lent is to frequent the Sacraments. Now is the time to make a good Confession and to ask for the grace to receive Holy Eucharist with big, bold confidence in God. How do we measure infinite Mercy and Love? Can’t. So it is time to finally allow Him to measure for me. Let Him love, save, redeem, purify, heal, teach, and mold me to be more and more His radiant, beloved daughter. “Lord give me a heart that seeks you above all else. Only You.” Written by Sister Maria Kim Ngan Bui. Find out more about her here.

From the moment I saw the trailer to La La Land, I knew it was different. I was hooked. Without a single word, the music-only preview captured every ounce of Hollywood glamour, catchy show tunes, captivating dance numbers, knowing glances, and the emotion found at the intersection of love and loss. Surely the film is a nod to the heyday of Hollywood, but in execution, La La Land was a thought-provoking enactment of each of those timeless components in the modern era. For some time now, the film industry has been fading. Each year competition for the silver screen grows, as various streaming services produce original movies and series. It is rare that I leave a theatre finding equal value in one viewing of a movie for the same price as a month of Netflix. And was it ever worth it! We find in Mia (Emma Stone) and Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) two dreamers who have plateaued. Mia, a struggling actor waiting for her big break, and Sebastian, a failed jazz artist with lofty goals but no action plan, are each bitter for their lack of individual success. It seems all hope is lost. As fate would have it, their paths cross again and again—each encounter tenser than the previous. With the catchy number “A Lovely Night” the audience taps their feet along as Sebastian and Mia lament the waste of a perfect evening—given that the company could not appear to be any less interested in one another. Despite their best efforts to resist, their connection is obvious to the viewer, and it seems Mia and Sebastian are last to know they are destined for one another in this city of stars. To this point, they had floundered. Individually, they struggled to piece together their unique gifts and dreams. As they fall for each other, they become stronger—each encouraging the other to embrace their passions. Ablaze with the support of their love, Mia sets out to produce a one-woman show, while Sebastian joins a mainstream band so he can save money in hopes of opening the jazz joint of his dreams. Their support of one another through these endeavors draws out their individual creativity and their spark of genius. They foster an environment for one another where each can seek the best version of themselves. As time goes on, emotions ride high and struggles arise, Mia and Sebastian are faced with the choice to follow their individual desires, or sacrifice their dreams for the sake of one another. This challenge strikes a chord in the hearts of many of us who seek to balance individual dreams, goals, careers, and educations. In today’s world, priorities can be a bit murky. Like Mia and Sebastian, we often find ourselves stuck between a multitude of good choices. It is in these times we must remember to turn to God, seeking and discerning His will for our lives. I hope we all, when faced with tough decision between multiple good routes in life have the strength to open our hearts to God’s “no’s,” or the “not-right-now’s,” or the “I-have-something-better-for-you’s.” Indeed, there does exist more than one path to happiness. Do yourself a favor, as you contemplate the what-if’s in life, at least do it to the tune of the La La Land Soundtrack. Bye for now, the Summer Montage number is calling my name! Written by Katherine Brunk.

I'm sure many of you have heard of "The Good Samaritan Experiment." Here's the idea behind the experiment: they gave theology students a presentation to prepare, one group on the Good Samaritan, another group on a different topic. They gave one group a time frame when they NEED to present their homily and another group no time constraint. Then they staged a man in need of help in the path of the students to see who would respond. Most researchers thought that the men who were on their way to give the presentation about the Good Samaritan would respond and the others might not. However, in actuality, the only variable that actually affected the experiment was time. Those without a time constraint stopped, while those with a time constraint did not. It certainly makes you think about how we pack our schedules. It is important that we give ourselves the time to be moved with compassion like the Samaritan. How often do we act like the priest and Levite, ignoring the suffering around us by packing ourselves with a busy schedule? We have become a society that competes to be the busiest. I know that I'm guilty of this myself, but we need to set ourselves apart by becoming persons who make time to serve and maybe even empty our schedules a little so that we can respond to the spontaneous needs of others. Feed the Hungry. I think going to the soup kitchen on a regular basis is an amazing practice. When I was in college I had time to go every first Friday, a day in our Church where we remember the Sacred Heart and God's mercy, so the correlation between this corporal act of mercy and the liturgical significance really made this act of service an impactful experience. I suggest taking up the practice if you have the time. However, now that I am a full-time high school teacher and a mother to a one-year-old, I don't really get down to the food kitchen. Feeding the hungry has become a more see-the-need, meet-the-need, sort of mission. I live near Atlanta, so when I go into the city, I try to bring food with me in my car. I prefer to bring bags that contain 2 PB&J sandwiches with a scripture verse written on the outside. That way when I see Christ in the hungry, I am able to fill Him rather than awkwardly look the other way. You can also always ask them what food they would like and then go and get it for them. I once took a woman shopping in Target for a week's worth of groceries. it was unexpected and I had somewhere to be, but it was so gratifying to know I was able to truly help her. Shelter the Homeless. As a high school teacher, I am lucky enough to actually get to serve with my students. One of my favorite trips this past school year was to a women and children's shelter where we ate meals, had great conversations, prayed with the women, and entertained the children with games and Bible studies. If you don't have a shelter in your town, or you have kids that are too young to accompany you to a shelter, consider making packages filled with toiletries, clothes, bedding, and feminine hygiene for the shelter closest to you. Consider fostering a child, adoption, opening your extra room to a single mom, or opening your house to missionaries in town. While these opportunities to serve aren't for every family, as Christians we are called to take in the homeless in some capacity, so pray that God would show you what His will is for you and your family. Clothe the Naked. Did you know that many clothing manufacturers follow questionable labor practices? It's something that I hadn't given much thought to until lately. So what does this have to do with clothing the naked? First, join me on a clothing fast and save your money by not buying clothes for a while. Then give what you honestly don't wear away (and maybe some that you do for good sacrificing measure). I suggest giving to St. Vincent de Paul if you're looking for a good charity. Be aware of what you buy, and admit that you don't need that much clothing. Donating no longer needed baby clothes to the crisis pregnancy center near you is also good practice. Visit the Sick and Imprisoned. The only prison I've ever visited is in Nicaragua and I cried myself to sleep because of its conditions. While I would LOVE to do prison ministry at some point in my life, this doesn't seem to be the season. However, we can all write letters, so here is a web page that will direct you as to how to write to someone on death row. This is where I get a little creative: Though we may not have many terribly sick or imprisoned persons in our lives, I bet you all know someone who has recently welcomed a baby into their family. Visit them (if they are at that point), or bring them a meal, or offer to fold their laundry. They would love the company and the help. Visit your friends who are recovering from surgery, or offer to watch their family member who is in recovery and needs some company. Consider the suffering in those around you and how you can alleviate it. Bury the Dead. This one seems obvious, but go to funerals of your dear ones. At this stage in my life, sadly, I know many women who have experienced loss through miscarriages. Be their loving support. Bring them food or offer a shoulder, just make it known that you care about their loss and their pain. Send a Mass card or prayer card when a friend's loved one passes. Assure them of your prayers. Give Alms to the Poor. Yes, give your money to the second collection, but also give of yourself. Pope Francis encourages us to encounter Christ on the streets, amongst the hurting and poor. Don't let your children be your excuse to not serve. I love bringing my baby boy to the Missionaries of Charity's shelter for women with AIDS. The women there adore him; they love to make him laugh and some even give him hugs. Obviously be prudent and keep your children's safety as your priority, but also allow your children to be the light that they can be to the poor and lonely. __ The corporal works of mercy are here for us as a guide to being bigger vessels for God's love. Let's exercise them and become ever more full of His love to share! Written by Katherine Towery. Find out more about her here.