My college journey led me to three different schools over five years as I refined my major, and then transferred until I landed on the right program for me. While I never expected to wind up a near-perpetual transfer student, this did offer me the opportunity to experience three different campuses, student cultures, Catholic centers, and more. And I learned how to seek out and find a community in each environment. Here’s the good news: whether you’re at a Catholic college, a small liberal arts school, a giant public university, or anything in between, there are people there who are looking for you, too. One of the most beautiful things about college is that everyone—even people who arrived with seemingly half their high school friend group—is embarking on a new chapter of their lives. Everyone is at least somewhat open to the new people and experiences that chapter will bring. No one person is the “new kid”. Everyone is. How to Find Catholic Friends in College When it comes to finding Catholic friends in college, above all, keep your heart softened and your eyes opened for opportunities to reach out and interact with people. Participate in the Sacraments In college or not, participating in the Sacraments is one of the (if not the) most important, fruitful things we can do. We desperately need the strength and grace we draw from the Eucharist and Reconciliation. We need this grace to grow in relationship with God and to live out our vocations well. This includes the calling to be a student in specific seasons, like in college. As Catholics, we are asked to physically show up to Mass each Sunday. Because there, Jesus physically shows up for us. Our presence matters. I believe God knew what He was doing when He asked this of us. He knew that someday, we’d live in a world of podcast sermons and Sunday live streams. While those things are wonderful, our physical presence matters. Not only does it give us the opportunity to grow in relationship with the Lord and to receive Him in the Eucharist, it also places us side by side with our brothers and sisters. Together, we stand and kneel and bow and sit as one. My number one piece of advice for finding Catholic friends in college, or anywhere else for that matter? Live out your own Faith. Show up for Mass, participate in the liturgy, sign up for a holy hour, serve. As you seek to follow Jesus, others doing the same are bound to cross your path. [bctt tweet="As Catholics, we are asked to physically show up to Mass each Sunday. Because there, Jesus physically shows up for us. Our presence matters. #BISblog //" via="no"] Join Catholic Community Groups Depending on your school, the opportunities to gather with fellow Catholics may be abundant or few. But most schools have at least something. I started college at Franciscan University, where it would honestly be harder to find non-Catholic friends than Catholic ones. Catholic schools are a tremendous blessing in that way! Even still, people were encouraged to gather in specific ways depending on their gifts (music ministry, service groups, mission trips, etc.) and their spiritual charisms and devotions (households, retreats, etc.). Attending a secular school? Seek out your campus’ Catholic center (often called the Newman Center) to find Bible studies, clubs, and service opportunities through the university’s church. Check the FOCUS directory to see if there are missionaries on your campus. I was nervous about finding Catholic friends at the gigantic University of Texas after leaving the comfort of my beloved household sisters at Franciscan. But, knowing I thrive and find so much joy in groups of women pursuing holiness together, I looked specifically for Catholic women’s groups on campus. I came across Mu Epsilon Theta, a national Catholic sorority. The friends I made there are just as precious, and called me on to holiness just as much. And for that, I’m forever grateful. Join Campus Organizations... ...that align with Catholic teachings or culture. Just because you’re Catholic and desire friendships with people of the same Faith doesn’t mean that church is the only place to form those relationships. Is there a cause that God has burdened your heart with, a type of service you feel called to, or a gift you can use to bring light to others? Don’t be afraid to seek out campus groups that aren’t specifically religious. If the mission of that organization corresponds with a Catholic teaching or prominent aspect of Catholic culture, chances are, you’ll find other Catholics (who share one of your passions!) there. Get creative! Look into pro-life organizations, Habitat for Humanity, groups that serve the poor and vulnerable, opportunities to work with children or the elderly, philosophical discussion groups, campus choirs, art history clubs, and so much more. Approach Others I’m an introvert through and through, so putting myself out there does not come naturally to me. But do you want to know how I met at least half of my college friends? I went up to them and genuinely complimented something about their outfit. I’m not exaggerating. I’m willing to bet it’s around 50%. This is an especially easy thing to do at Mass when people are dressed up! Keep your eyes open for opportunities to go first. To be the person who goes out of their way to say, "Hi, can I help you with that?" or "Are you new here?" or "I love your shoes!" I think we all occasionally fall into the trap of believing that we’re lonelier than everyone else. That it’s someone else’s job to approach us. But that’s a lie. More often than not, we can take responsibility for filling our lives with friendships. It just takes a little bit of bravery and vulnerability. Pray for True Friends Never believe the cultural misconception that prayer is passive. Prayer, on the contrary, is one of the most powerful things we can do. Ask God to put holy friends in your path. Pray to become a good friend yourself and to show up for people well. Pray for the boldness to say hello first, to go to an event at church even though you won’t know anyone there (yet!), or to start a Catholic group on campus. God created us to walk alongside one another and He has a perfect plan for the relationships you’ll foster in college. [bctt tweet="God created us to walk alongside one another and He has a perfect plan for the relationships you’ll foster in college. #BISblog //" via="no"] If you’ve been in college for a few years or have already graduated, what wisdom do you have to share with new college students about making Catholic friends? [bctt tweet="How to Find Catholic Friends in College #BISblog //" via="no"]

My friend, I don't have words. I don't have anything eloquent or appropriate or soothing to say after hearing the news about our beloved Church the past two months. I am struggling to articulate anything without just bursting into tears at my keyboard. On Friday I stopped by a local Korean church. I am not Korean nor do I know Korean, but I heard from a friend that the church has an adoration chapel. I knocked on the door at the office of the church and asked the sweet woman about the chapel and if I could go pray for five minutes. She led me up to the chapel where she told me to take off my shoes and put on their slippers to enter the chapel. I thanked her effusively, so grateful for her kind and trusting heart that let me in to see Jesus in the monstrance. They didn't have chairs in this chapel, they didn't have beautiful lighting or any extravagent paintings or stained glass windows. They just had Jesus, exposed in this small monstrance right in front of a little table with a Korean Bible and a thin mat to kneel on. It was all I needed, this small, simple space. I shuffled in with my pink slippers and knelt down on the mat, a space He made just for me, and I bent over, and I wept. I didn't have words to say to Him. I didn't have any emotions to articulate other than profound grief. My head lay next to this open Korean Bible, rosary, and saint cards, and I was just weeping in front of our Lord. And that's all I am doing today. My heart is grieving. I am in pain. I am in shock. The only solace that came was knowing that Jesus was close to to me. That I was physically near my Savior. That He weeps along with me, holds me, and grieves with me. I wish I had better words. I wish I had some words. But I don't. We have a blog post coming out on Tuesday that will have some concrete thoughts and ideas written by a few Blessed is She writers. We've been talking with our Spiritual Advisor here at Blessed is She, we've been praying, we've been brainstorming, we've been grieving for our Church. I'm grateful for these women and those in our Church who have words when I cannot seem to articulate any. I'm grateful for those who are picking up their rosaries and praying for our Church. I'm grateful for those who are letting their righteous anger move them to action. I'm grieving for you, if you've been abused. I'm grieving for you whose family has been abused. I'm grieving for each and every one of us who feels the great pain that I feel. I love you. I am grateful for your presence here. I am grateful for this communion of sisters in Christ who come together and lean on each other when we are grieving and who can hold each other up when we are tired. I am sorry for this pain. I am sorry for this grief. I am sorry for the sins of those in the Church who give us Jesus in the sacraments. I am sorry for the sins of men who should be in jail for the evil they committed. I am sorry that I don't have the words to take away this pain. But I will go back to that chapel and bring all of you with me in spirit, to sit in front of the Lord, to let His presence soak into my soul, and to weep with our Comforter. The Lord is close. He weeps with us.

There is a lull on a day in late June. I find myself searching for Catholic churches nearby where I live in the Loop. I remember a friend recommending Old St. Patrick’s in West Loop. But it was a bit far, and I need something closer. There is a cathedral right in the middle of the Loop one street over from Wacker. I walk past it several times before I finally notice it. It is the oddest church I had ever been to. It looked like any of the business buildings it was sandwiched between, its only give-away being the cross on the top, difficult to see from the street. I wait to go in before I see a man go in front of me. Walking forward, I push the heavy doors open. The First Step is Asking I ask if there was a priest I can speak with. And no, I wasn’t here for Confession. I am directed down a hallway into a waiting area. I sit in an old chair. The priest is very old, and very kind. His name is Nicholas. What brings you here today? I swallow. I’m thinking of joining the Church. It feels weird just saying it. It really is a small room. Why? Catholic social teaching mostly–the values of human dignity and care for creation, in particular. I feel like I am here to do more than I am. I feel lost. He nods. I feel like you would be a great candidate to join the Church. We talk a bit about Notre Dame. He gives me a few book recommendations and I thank him. That weekend I make the mile trek over to West Loop to attend mass at Old St. Patrick’s. It is a feast for the eyes. I duck in the back and sit next to a large family. I have never been to Mass by myself. God paints straight with crooked lines. Shifting and RCIA I shyly mention to my family and a few friends my intention to join the Church. I had spent a good deal of time researching the process and saw that Notre Dame offered RCIA (Right of Christian Initiation for Adults) through campus ministry on campus. I begin the RCIA process, a course that I refer to as "Sunday school". They are Sunday morning sessions during which we are taught the basics of Catholicism, fundamental beliefs, stories of the Saints and living according to the Word and the Catechism. Each session bleeds into another. At my second session, Brett says something that will serve as the background to my faith journey and my final year at Notre Dame. God paints straight with crooked lines. Jesus and Trials I was brought to this point, sitting in RCIA, through a series of events that only make sense retrospectively. Something brought you here today. Jesus brought you here today. I think about my turning point – seeking out to attend Mass by myself. Going to Mass as a way to find peace from intense shifts in my life. The semester is challenging. I feel suffocated. I’m sitting in therapy every week. I find myself driving off campus whenever I can. My own school doesn’t feel like home. I keep making mistakes. I will always remember 2017 as the year of mistakes. I’m trying to get myself to settle and not expect more. I wrestle the feelings of wanting more and wanting to run. Afterwards I feel empty. Tension is growing at home and I’m the center of a tug-of-war rope. I am constantly moving back and forth and I see every perspective. I have never been good at compartmentalizing or disassociating and this time is no exception. God paints straight with crooked lines. Comparison and Confusion I begin to feel like a fraud. I attend every RCIA session but I am not absorbing anything. My classmates are here. Are they feeling something I’m not feeling? I begin to pray through my journaling. But I don’t feel like that’s enough. I really want to develop my relationship with Jesus, but He feels far away. I can’t seem to focus on much other than relationship conflicts. While I am learning about a doctrine of love and all I can see is anger and ugliness around me. Am I ever going to love Jesus like that? I think this every Sunday while I listen to the campus ministry interns present. Their joy in the Lord is genuine. I don’t really feel like Jesus is present in my life. I start to wonder if I want to go through with this. Am I pretending? My thoughts go back to my initial doubts about my values and those of the Church. I am unsure if there is a place for me here. God paints straight with crooked lines. Praying and Mary The last four months of college begin. I pray a little harder and stand up for myself. A relationship begins. I learn about the Virgin Mary. I didn’t think I could reconcile my beliefs on feminism with the teachings of the Church. But I become fascinated with Mary. Mary said "yes" to God and changed the world. She was the mother and without her there would be no Jesus. She was young and poor. Mary was overlooked in regular society. I address most of my prayers to Mary. She knows how it feels to make impossible and life-changing decisions. There's comfort in that. I have had to make a number of those. I learn the Rosary and it becomes my chosen method for deep prayer. For someone with anxiety, the repetition is soothing. I am not sure if I feel closer to Jesus, but I do feel closer to Mary. God paints straight with crooked lines. Adoration and Sainthood I go to my first Adoration hour. I remember a few years ago, thinking Transubstantiation was a farce. It does not feel like a farce today. I kneel and close my eyes and begin to recite the Rosary. My right hand follows the beads of the Our Father and the Hail Mary. My left hand clutches a small gold bracelet with the inscription I Am a Survivor. It is only me, Jesus, and Mary. I am reminded of the gift of life. This breaks me a little bit. I have not always treasured my life. We are all called to be saints. I do not have to do extraordinary things to be a saint. Even smiling at a stranger brings me closer. I choose the little way. It's time to choose my confirmation saint. I had known mine since the first day. Saint Teresa of Calcutta. She dedicated her life to serving people that the rest of the world would have been happy to forget. St. Teresa made them feel known. She exemplified respect for human dignity. It resonated with my approach to mental illness. People with mental illness are still people. I am still a person. But I choose her for a second reason and that is that she struggled with her relationship with Jesus. She claimed that she did not feel Jesus for nearly half her life. Some days I still feel like a fraud, but even Saints did not have perfect relationships with Him. God paints straight with crooked lines. Easter and Home Are you ready to say yes to God? It is Holy Week. I am shocked by how fast I got here. There's a knot in my stomach. I do not like being looked at. The idea of standing in front a giant congregation makes me sick. I am sweating with anxiety the day of. I feel angry, sad, and excited. Familiar faces in the crowd smile at me and it settles my heart. I watch my classmates get baptized and confirmed and I feel proud. I'm gifted with not one confirmation Saint, but two. I feel numb until it is my turn to receive Communion. This is my favorite part. This is the bread and Body. I feel overwhelmingly loved that evening. The night ends at two a.m. I wake the next day. I am Catholic, I am home. Have you been through the RCIA process? What was your experience? [bctt tweet="Crooked Lines: My RCIA Experience #BISblog //" via="no"] Susan Zhu is a recent college grad from the Midwest who is carving out a life of faith and joy in Chicago. She is a passionate advocate and works in communications at a global non-profit. You can find out more about her here.

I remember when I felt a miscarriage all the way to my bones. It opened up a world of fear. What if I cannot have children or carry children? Then, I had Miriam, and she was perfect. I thought that was the end of miscarriages for me. When it happened again, I felt a wild grief. I read Grace Like Scarlett by Adriel Booker as part of her volunteer launch team. I can now say that this a book that needs to find its way onto our shelves and into our hands as we support each other through grief. While reading, images of women I knew who bled and suffered flashed through my mind. Women who had no more children following a miscarriage. Those who were afraid to name their babies as they ran from their grief. Those who lost their faith when they lost their child. And those who went on to have other children and, surrounded by that blessedness, dwelled little on the little ones they lost. How many of us are out there! How different we all are! Have you ever encountered a book on miscarriage? I haven’t. That is why this is a book we need. Sharing Our Grief Like the women of Jerusalem, Adriel comes alongside those of us who suffer in grief and says, “You are not alone. I have suffered too.” She makes her message accessible. We cannot know exactly what someone is experiencing. It is awfully hard to prescribe what the person should do with her grief. Adriel shares the grief of her three miscarriages. But she takes her message to the next step by emphasizing how important is not to compare our grief to another person’s grief, either in order to pity ourselves more or minimize our suffering. Suffering is suffering, and she gets that. Even though the grief I feel most is from my stillborn daughter and not from my miscarriages, the book became a healthy window for me to take time and look back. It actually became the avenue by which I am beginning to explore (with some trembling) the divide that exists in my life from before my medically-complex son and stillborn daughter to now. Safe and Understood When I opened the book, curious to see how a Protestant woman would write on the topic, Catholic images sustained me in my grief process. Immediately in Chapter 1, Adriel warmed me up by relaying a story of a friend who became a nun. Her love and respect let me know this was an author with whom I am safe. It is a vulnerable topic, so we need to feel safe. Adriel dives in. Her language begins direct and gritty in those early chapters. I think the particulars of death stain our memories so deeply that, for me, this bluntness helped. It mirrored the way I experience my experiences, but in ways not shared in polite society. Her writing softens after that because it would be far too much intensity for an entire book. Suffering is normal, Adriel tells us. But that at the Heart of God is love for us and a desire to help us. She identifies that God works with us to help us, the key word being with. It won’t happen magically without us leaning into our grief. Grace Like Scarlett Gets to the Heart After reading her story and her advice, in Chapter 6: A Thousand Shades of Grief, she brings in brief testimonies of other women of their feelings and their miscarriages. In this way, she makes it a book in which anyone who has suffered a miscarriage can find herself. Shame Chapter 7: The 18-inch Journey focused on shame. This hit home, for me, in a particular way. Relaying other testimonies, she illustrates the wide variety of shame we women feel in pregnancy loss. For me, it once was the question of whether I could carry a child. Subsequent, easy pregnancies answered that question. A new shame grips me now. Yes, I can carry and deliver babies easily. But I feel I cannot make healthy babies. I have three healthy babies, but the “unhealthy” ones outnumber that, now. It is irrational, but that is how shame works. Jealousy To work through our shame, Adriel gives voice to those jealous thoughts we dare not speak. I envied women with sick children because theirs lived for a time and mine did not survive delivery. This jealousy gets us nowhere with regards to the other. Rather, it points us back to ourselves and where our wounds are most. Space to Breathe To the reader, Adriel poses a reflection question at the end of each chapter. Ever aware of the uniqueness of each women’s journey, she seeks to give the reader space to sort out her loss, grief, and hope separate from Adriel’s words. In the end, Adriel writes the path I walked. These times of crisis are opportunities for grace. And God’s grace comes. He comes as surely as we will let him. Have you ever suffered a miscarriage or infant loss? I am so sorry. Have you read this book? I encourage you to reach out to other women for solidarity, prayer, and support. [bctt tweet="BIS Reads: Grace Like Scarlett #BISblog //" via="no"] Kathryn Anne Casey is a graduate of Divine Mercy University, freelance writer, housewife, and mother of four children. Her weekly newspaper column “Here’s to the Good Life!” and blog focus on art, psychology, consumerism and the importance of local community. Find out more about her here. This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase by clicking through one of these links, Blessed is She will receive a small percentage of your purchase at no additional cost to you. Thank you for supporting this ministry by using our affiliate links!

When I am struggling with a situation, if I can express what I’m feeling in words, I can then move forward. It was a particularly trying time—coming to grips with the reality that my 28-year-old husband was just diagnosed with Stage IV terminal cancer and we had just moved into a friend’s house to see where the next six months would go. The oncologist basically said that if nothing worked, six months would be all we would have. At 27, I realized I had to resign myself to the new life ahead. I figured that if I resigned myself to it, I could move on to accepting the new reality (I must add that I was proud of taking this step as I thought it was the correct thing to do). However, this resignation did not bring peace. And it did not give me any hope. Freedom Comes Through Consenting At the time I was reading Interior Freedom by Fr. Jacques Philippe, seeking some solace. I love that if you take action, if you look, God is there, waiting. He was there. It was as if there were flashing lights and bells ringing. These words brought such clarity and the start of peace: When we are faced with things that we find unpleasant or consider negative, in ourselves or in our situation, there are three possibilities. The first is rebellion… Rebellion is followed by resignation… The attitude to aim for is consent. -pg. 29-31 Philippe continues, “We say yes to a reality we initially saw as a negative, because we realize that something positive may arise from it. This hints at hope” (pg. 30). His three steps finally put words to what I was feeling and gave me a path forward. Rebellion // In my mind I had rebelled against the idea and reality, but not God. Resignation // We know I was stuck there. Consent // Where I needed to be. What Does Consenting Entail? Consenting to any life-altering journey is anything but easy. Some may ask, “Do we have a choice?” Yes, we do. God created us with free will, not as robots to follow commands. He wants us to love Him freely. We can live with the life we’re “dealt” (resignation) or we can turn it over to Him (consent). Does consenting mean that the suffering is gone? No. But when we consent, we place it fully in our Loving Father’s hands. Our Lady's Consent Mary is the perfect example of this. She had no idea what was ahead of her when she consented to the Angle Gabriel’s message: “Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High…” (Luke 1: 31-32). Mary did question “How can this be…?” But she moved quickly to consent. “Behold I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word” (Luke 1:34; Luke 1:38). Mary consents. Consenting takes action. Being resigned is passive. Being a handmaid is an active role. Mary humbles herself. “Be it done to me.” We are so familiar with these words. But to live them out is a different story. When I am in the trenches of life, do I really jump to, “Be it done to me, Lord”? Do I offer myself as His handmaid, His servant? Sadly, that is not my first reaction to life’s trials. However, we can look at Mary. We can find the courage to say "yes" even when we don’t know what the next step is. We can consent to God’s will. A real "yes!" Consenting is a Lifelong Process I come back to these three stages often. Consenting is not a one-and-done. It can be a daily or hourly decision based on the situation or journey. Some will find it easier to consent in one area of their lives than another. Do not be discouraged by that. Faithfully keep giving it to Him. How do you do that? Speak to Him from your heart. (He knows what you’re feeling anyway.) “Lord, I do not understand why this is happening. I do not know what the future holds. But, I give this to You, Lord. I give You control.” “You are my loving Father. Your will is best. Help me to remember that and keep giving it over to You.” Speaking to Jesus from my heart is how I finally reached consent rather than resignation. Telling Him my anguish, my fear, and my worries finally allowed me to place them into His Hands. There are trials that come when I forget to consent, and I resign myself to the circumstance. However, now that I have gotten to consent once I am able to get there again. If I am resigned, I am letting life happen to me. When I consent I am giving it to God to work through, and I see the hope. In what part of your life do you need to move from resignation to consent? [bctt tweet="Resigned or Consenting? #BISblog //" via="no"] Maureen Fiudo hails from Upstate NY but has found her home in the Midwest. She loves praising the Lord through song, spending time outdoors, and a good cup of coffee. Helping women see their beauty within brings her joy! You can follow her husband’s cancer journey here.

Bright stars, yellow stars, flashing through the air, Are you errant strands of Lady Mary's hair? As she slits the cloudy veil and bends down through, Do you fall across her cheeks and over heaven too? Gay stars, little stars, you are little eyes, Eyes of baby angels playing in the skies. Now and then a winged child turns his merry face Down toward the spinning world -- what a funny place! Jesus Christ came from the Cross (Christ receive my soul!) In each perfect hand and foot there was a bloody hole. Four great iron spikes there were, red and never dry, Michael plucked them from the Cross and set them in the sky. Christ's Troop, Mary's Guard, God's own men, Draw your swords and strike at Hell and strike again. Every steel-born spark that flies where God's battles are, Flashes past the face of God, and is a star. -Joyce Kilmer Reflect Let us remember that love lives through sacrifice and is nourished by giving. Let's remember that not everything which is good and beautiful pertains to genuine, essential love. Because even without those other things love can be present. Indeed a perfected love. Without sacrifice there is no love. Sacrifice the senses, taste, hearing, and above all, the mind and the will in holy obedience. I wish for you and for myself the best appreciation of sacrifice which is the unconditional willingness to sacrifice. Letter of St. Maximilian Kolbe to Fr. Konstanty [bctt tweet="Let us remember that love lives through sacrifice and is nourished by giving. -St. Maximilian Kolbe #BISblog #BISrests //" via="no"] Listen For musical inspiration for your restful Sunday, listen to our BIS Rests playlist. I recommend praying with “What Wonderous Love is This” by The Hillbilly Thomists. [bctt tweet="BIS Rests: Stars + Steel #BISblog #BISrests //"] Curated by Sarah Ortiz. You can find out more about her here.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. // Psalm 34:19 This week we have two wallpapers for you, both beautifully designed and lettered by Carolyn of Brass & Mint Co. As we at Blessed is She are grieving with the news these past two months, we wanted to make a wallpaper that would remind us that the Lord is close to us, the brokenhearted. Download the Psalm 34:19 wallpaper right here: Phone wallpaper Desktop wallpaper This is the wallpaper that goes with the daily readings for today, also designed and lettered by Carolyn. We are so grateful to be collaborating with women who give so much to this sisterhood. Download this wallpaper inspired by John 6:51, "I am the living bread that came down from heaven" right here: Phone wallpaper Desktop wallpaper

Love turns work into rest. -St. Teresa of Avila Have you ever experienced this? Have you ever worked on something that didn’t feel like work? In fact, it gave you clarity and peace? Love does that. When we are drawn to something out of love or because love has inspired us, the work we do doesn’t feel like work. Yet another mystery of the human condition entwined in God’s love. Passions, Talents, and Missions To each of us, He gives different gifts. For some, it might be singing, or problem-solving, or organization, or any number of talents. We are drawn in by these passions that allow us to be our true selves, to pursue greatness in the gifts we’ve been given. As we get to know ourselves, and as we share our gifts with others, we also get to know God. For me, one of areas in my life that doesn’t feel like work but actually gives rest, is running. Granted, I don’t feel this way every second I’m on a run (hello, summer humidity). But I’m grateful I have discovered my love of running because it truly (paradoxically) gives me rest. My body might be struggling and working. But my mind and my heart gets to retreat, to rest. I can clear my thoughts, pray, and find peace within while I run. Finding those passions that give us rest is so important. When we give our hearts space to be still, our souls can settle on Jesus. That small voice whispering to us can finally be heard. Ways to Incorporate Faith Into Fitness and Fitness Into Faith Whether or not running or fitness has been something you’ve enjoyed before, there seems to be a mysterious, beautiful connection between physical activity and mental peace. It is good to rest and it is also good to move. Finding movement that allows us to rest our restless hearts is even better. If you’re an ultramarathoner, or training for your first 5K, or if you’re working on goals in cycling, Pilates, rowing, strength training, or any other kind of physical fitness, below are some suggestions to invite God into that time and to make it prayerful. 1. Make a Plan The first step in setting out towards any goal is to make a plan. Just as you articulate goals for yourself in your career, you should do the same with your fitness and your faith. While training for a half or full marathon, runners typically follow a plan. It begins small with shorter runs, but gradually builds in intensity and endurance as runs get longer. A huge part of training, though, is about being consistent. Usually, these training plans have runners running on the same days of the week, and the only thing that might change is the pace or distance. Another important factor is paying attention to your body:what hurts, what might need support, where you need to stretch more. The same is true of our spiritual practices. We need to make a plan and be consistent. If you stick to a plan of working out 30 minutes a day, five days a week, you should make similar goals to be consistent in spending time with God. Planning to pray 20 minutes every day, or to go to Adoration monthly, helps you stay focused and consistent. But it’s equally important to pay attention to our souls:what hurts, what might need support, where you need to stretch more. Once we identify these areas that need more attention, it is vital to our health and flourishing that we find what we need. That could be counseling, an accountability partner, or a spiritual director. 2. Pray Once you make your plan for fitness and faith, use the time to pray. There are a number of incredible faith-focused podcasts to listen to while you workout. These reflections and conversations offer food for thought while you train. One of the beautiful things about seeking time to run or workout is the time to rest and think without constant stimulation. You might want to leave your phone at home and just take in nature or take a breath. As St. Therese of Lisieux said: Prayer is a surge of the heart, it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy. Striking up a conversation with God in the midst of a busy day can be difficult. So praying openly with Him while on a run or working out might give you the space to share the trials and joys of your day with Him. 3. Find Community It is critical to any successful training plan (be it fitness or faith-focused) to have a community behind you. Find the people who support, encourage, and inspire you. Find someone to run with, or plan to meet friends at the gym. Find community on social media, uplifting one another and offering daily words of encouragement. Some of my favorites on Instagram include: @soulstrengthsisters @soulcoreproject @_solefaith @catholicwomenrun and so many more Connect with other women who are striving for the same or similar goals in their faith and fitness. This is a sure way of encountering Christ, for “where two or three have gathered together in [His] name, [He is] there in their midst” (Matthew 18:20). Happy training! Tell us your tips in the comments! [bctt tweet="Incorporating Faith Into Fitness and Fitness Into Faith #BISblog //" via="no"] Mary Grace Mangano is a high school English teacher in Harlem, New York, having also taught middle school Language Arts and Religion in Chicago. She has written for Verily, Darling magazine, The Catholic Woman, and other publications. She is passionate about education and social justice, loves writing poetry, running, reading, hiking, and learning new things. You can find out more about her here.

We've all had those moments when we just felt too tired to pray. It's a battle to stay focused, to stay engaged, or just to stay awake. I've struggled through two bouts of chronic insomnia in my life. And I have seen how, as lack of sleep creeps in, my prayer habits creep out. When I was sleeping on a regular basis, I looked forward to my morning prayer time. I found it brought me peace throughout the day. I loved my morning cup of coffee with Jesus. But after a month of no sleep, I was skimming through daily readings just to spend some time with Scripture. I spent my nights awake rotating through the Rosary, the chaplet, and the Jesus prayer, hoping something rhythmic would put me to sleep. Curled up in despair one night I sobbed hysterically. My only prayer was a bargaining plea. "I could serve you so much better, if I just slept, Lord!" Leaning Into the Lord Shortly after that night, the Holy Spirit answered my prayer. He tenderly reminded me of the truth. "No, my daughter, I've already given you everything you need to do what I need you to do." My bargaining chip fell worthless on the floor. I don’t need anything other than God, to do God’s will. He is here with me in my tiredness. I didn’t instantly start sleeping again. I'm still struggling through insomnia. But what I'm most thankful for is the strength I have found in my trial. I have felt God's tender Hand along the way. During my sleepless nights, I’ve thought of the mama's awake with their babies, the nurses working their second shift, the homeless, the refugees who have no safe place to close their eyes. I've prayed for each of you in your tiredness beyond reason. How to Spiritually Weather Insomnia From one tired woman to another, here are some ways I've found to keep prayer constant through the exhaustion. Form a habit of daily prayer. Okay, so I didn't come up with that one. This tidbit is in every blog post, book, and pamphlet ever written about prayer. So why haven't we done it already? I've found this is the hardest, most overlooked, and most necessary practice to my prayer life. The best way to pray when we're tired is to pray when we're awake! Setting a time to acknowledge God's presence helps me to lean on Him throughout the day. Before insomnia, I found 30-40 minutes before I started my day was fruitful for me. I am single and naturally a morning person, so it works for me. Little by little, I’m getting back to that schedule. The important thing is that it's a routine. It's a constant. Find what works for you. Find what works for you. Some of my mama friends have said they pray while nursing their little ones or pray a Rosary on their morning commute. I had a confessor tell me to pray at red lights. “There are many and they usually last two minutes. Ask Jesus to make you the faithful Catholic woman you know He wants you to be.” Whatever works for you, make a habit of turning to Jesus daily. Go for a walk. This one is brought to you by my spiritual director, Sr. Mary Alix. And it’s probably my favorite. Go for a walk and engage your senses. Actively acknowledge what is around you. What do you smell? See? Hear? God meets us in the here and the now. Thank God for the day and your present circumstances, whatever they may be. Be honest and trust. It is okay to be tired. It is okay to say, “Lord, I am tired.” Jesus knows you’re tired. He knows how tired you are. He knows why you are so tired. Lay it at His Feet. Trust that there is a plan. Be confident that He hears your tired prayer no matter how distracted or half-asleep you may be. Trust that He is holding you and that He is stronger than your exhaustion. Do you struggle with insomnia? How does your faith help you get through it? [bctt tweet="Spiritually Weathering Insomnia #BISblog //" via="no"] Nikki Pfleger works for the Catholic foundation in her diocese. She loves journaling, painting, hiking with friends, and finding the wonder in all that God has given us.

It's easy to reduce our work or our job down to something that simply pays the bills, keeps the house clean and running, and checks off the next box. But our work is so much than that. Pope St. John Paul II said: The Son of God became man and worked with human hands…. So we know, not only by reason alone but through revelation, that through their work people share in the Creator’s work. We continue it and, in a sense, perfect it by our own work, our toil, by daily effort to wrest a livelihood from the earth, or from the sea, or by applying energy to the many different processes of production…. Indeed, we Christians are convinced that the achievements of the human race—in art, science, culture and technology—are a sign of God’s greatness and the flowering of God’s mysterious design. (source) Work is a fundamental human right and privilege. And as Catholic Christians, we find encouragement in the fact that Our Lord, too, labored daily in His work. Our work—no matter if it's inside the home, outside the home, or a combination of both—has great value to us personally, to society at large, and to the Kingdom. Being Catholic in the Workplace Being Catholic in the workplace also offers us a unique opportunity to show Christ's love to those we work for, with, and around. We recently brought this question of the blessings and challenges of being Catholic in the workplace to the women in our Blessed is She communities on Facebook. Here's what they had to say. The Joys "Although people have different beliefs, the foundational values of kindness and benefit-of-the-doubt can really change the tenor in a group." "I'm an engineer. I live my faith through the way I treat people and my dedication to doing a good job. I keep a lot of reminders of my faith in my cubicle. Things like a crucifix, prayer cards, and a Divine Mercy plaque. I also write a new saint quote on my whiteboard each week." "Many (coworkers), in secret, have come to me for advice with their children, with their relationships, and for my “Catholic opinion” on things. It’s a culmination of very small moments. But God works through even the smallest actions, and for that I’m grateful." "I work as an RN in a critical care setting. The hospital is Christian and incorporated prayer into the day. I pray on my way to work. We pray as a team to start the day. I also love the fact that I can pray with my patients and families anytime." "One of the best conversations I've ever had (with a coworker) about religion and faith was with a wiccan. She later told me that she admired my passion for the Catholic Church, and especially for Mary. She had never heard much about the Holy Family before. I don't see her converting any time soon. But she would regularly come to me after that to chat about life stuff. I like to think I'm just going around planting mustard seeds." The Struggles "Something I’ve regularly struggled with is being called to the secondary vocation of being a working woman. I think there’s a lot of misconceptions in Catholic circles that it’s a less holy calling to fulfill, especially if you’re also a wife and mother. This couldn’t be further from the truth and the countless female Saints who worked prove it. Someone once told me, “all Catholics are called to be missionaries.” It doesn’t matter if you’re a missionary in title or not. What you’re doing, professionally, can be used for good." "I used to work for a research nonprofit. There would be times decisions had to be made about where our funding would go. There were a couple times I had to make it clear I couldn’t work there if we supported certain research. I was always listened to and respected—and I do think it’s because I was open and vulnerable with my faith with my coworkers and supervisor in smaller ways." "Sometimes it can be tempting to talk about problems with co-workers with others when really the best thing to do would be to pray for them." "I'm a truck driver recruiter for small company. Being a faithful Catholic at work is like walking a tight rope. I hold an HR role and faith can get the company into trouble. A part of my role is to make sure I find the right people to bring on board to the company. Prayer is an active part of my day. But the biggest part is treating others with dignity." "The biggest moral tension I have faced is there was the possibility of work using human embryonic derived cells and I had to explain to my boss why I could not do that. We figured out a way to avoid that work and fortunately my boss was very understanding and led to a discussion of his Jewish perspective of the issue and the opportunity to explain how I as a Catholic viewed life beginning at conception." The Advice "I always start my shift with prayer." "The most significant lesson I learned about these faith conversations at work was to listen first. And then listen second, and keep listening and loving and listening and loving. A lot of times atheist or even Protestant coworkers were Catholic growing up. Many times they need a different perspective that includes more truth and transparency than what they were taught. As in every environment, it's important for others to know that we love them and value them. And if we can practice our faith in the same way and treat others as Jesus loves and values us, they will see that." "My workplace is pretty non-stop busy. But I've found that praying the Rosary in the car on the way to work makes things so much less stressful." "I work as a clinical music therapist, specifically with Alzheimer’s clients. I always try to pray before my groups asking for the Lord to be present with me during my session." "Every day on my commute into work, I pray for my team members and their needs. I pray for a listening ear, wisdom, and a compassionate heart." Professional Development for the Catholic in the Workplace Throughout the blessings, challenges, and opportunities we encounter as Catholics in the workplace, we all desire to be the best we can be. One of the ways we add even more value and dignity to our work is by working well, by developing our skill, by building virtue, and by nurturing relationships that will help us more beautifully fulfill that to which we've been called. A wonderful way to continue to develop ourselves as good workers who are ignited by the Gospel message is through the group Young Catholic Professionals. This organization boasts 18 chapters and members in a total of 25 states through the U.S. It's a network that prioritizes both our Faith and our professional goals. Young Catholic Professionals hosts a yearly conference to help you connect with other Catholics in the workplace. This year, the conference will explore Mary under the title Star of Hope. Throughout the two-day conference, we'll hear from renowned speakers about Marian devotion, and how she can be our great intercessor in the workplace. If you are a Catholic professional, you don't want to miss this opportunity! You're Not Alone! One of the best parts of our Facebook conversation was that so many women connected with one another. We share similar triumphs and trip-ups in the working world, and sometimes it's just good to know we're not the only one. As we all continue to fulfill our work, whatever it looks like, may we always look to Mary, who fulfilled the most beautiful work in bringing us Our Savior. Through her intercession, may we always shine His light in our workplace. What kind of work do you do? How does being Catholic influence that work? What are the best and hardest parts of being Catholic in your job? Let's keep the conversation going in the comments below! [bctt tweet="Being Catholic in the Workplace #BISblog //" via="no"]

I am sure many of you have special relationships with different saints for a variety of reasons. Maybe you feel they are a spiritual big brother or sister, or perhaps they show up and “help” you at important life transitions or times of need. That is exactly how I feel about St. Maximilian Kolbe. To me he is known simply as Max. While he was actually our family patron saint growing up, it wasn’t until years later when my friendship with Max became so personal to me in a whole new way. Forgiveness When It Feels Impossible St. Max has taken me deeper in the understanding of it means to truly to forgive someone who has hurt you. Specifically, Max has helped me forgive my former husband. Seven months after I got married, I learned that my husband was addicted to pornography and sexual addictive behaviors. I was devastated. As I scrambled for resources, I learned one of St. Maximilian’s patronages was those who battle addictions, but specifically sexual addiction. This information changed my relationship with Max from a face on a holy card to a dear companion for the darkest hour I have lived through. I talked to Max constantly every day. I was always praying a novena to him, begging his prayers and intercession for the healing of my husband and the restoration of my marriage. Eventually, I realized this was not a safe relationship to stay in, and I had to leave. But I still had a deep connection to St. Max. St. Maximilian Kolbe's Forgiveness In 2016, I led my fourth World Youth Day pilgrimage with teens and young adults; this one was in Krakow, Poland. We saw all the beautiful, sacred holy sites of Catholic Poland. We visited places associated with heroic men and women like Pope St. John Paul II, St. Faustina, and St. Maximilian Kolbe. Shortly before leaving for Poland, I had my second Unbound prayer session. I was deeply convicted that the Lord was calling to forgive my former husband. He was calling me to a deeper and richer understanding of what it means to forgive. The day we visited Auschwitz, it was unusually bright and sunny, such an eerie way to experience a place that was filled with such evil and hatred. Our guide slowly led us through the camp and explained what we were seeing. As we turned a corner, she point out cell block 11, the starvation bunker where St. Maximilian Kolbe met his martyrdom. Forgiving Like Christ Stepping away from the group, I walked up to the red exterior building and put my hand on the brick wall. Bowing my head, eyes closed, I simply began to talk to my dear friend, Max. I started to weep, and the tears just kept coming. I asked Max to help to forgive as he forgave, to help heal my heart, that I would not be full of hate and resentment. But that my heart would be soft and learn to trust a man again. I even gave my former husband to Max saying, “Here Max, you take care of him now and watch over him spiritually. I do not have to carry this any longer, it is not my responsibility.” My prayer shifted to the man I may meet someday and fall in love with, that these hurts and wounds I experienced before would not be repeated. The power of those few minutes was real. I knew St. Maximilian was with me. It almost took my breath away. It was not as if this was magic and all of sudden poof, I was able to forgive instantaneously. But I walked away and left Auschwitz with a deeper understanding of why we as Christians need to take those words of Jesus seriously, “...forgive us our tresspassors, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” To forgive as Jesus did, as St. Max did, we need faith and desire. Faith and Desire to Forgive We need faith because we cannot forgive on our own ability, we can't muster it up on our own effort. We need the grace of Jesus Christ, God Himself, to help us forgive. And we grow in the faith to forgive when we reach out to Jesus and beg Him to help us. Wait, then where does the desire come in? We ask Jesus for the desire to forgive because, often, we don’t have the desire to forgive. Pray earnestly for the desire and He will grow it in you. Coming home from WYD, after that experience in Auschwitz, I began to beg Jesus to give me the desire to forgive my former husband. In time, that desire grew and flourished. It led me to choose to forgive because I did not want to be bound in anger and resentment. Who are You Struggling to Forgive? Sisters, is there a person in your life you struggle to forgive? I encourage you to ask St. Maximilian Kolbe to help you. I know he has helped me greatly in this area. And daily begin to ask Jesus to give you a true desire to forgive that person. It will not be easy, but I promise you it will be worth it in the end. St. Maximilian Kolbe, please pray for us! Teach us to forgive as you forgave. [bctt tweet="What St. Maximilian Kolbe Taught Me About Forgiveness #BISblog //" via="no"] Patty Breen is a full-time lay minister who finds joy in running, strong cups of coffee, and all things Ignatian spirituality. A Midwestern gal from the mitten state, she is constantly learning to find grace in all things. She is passionate about ministry to divorced Catholics and women whose relationships have been impacted by sexual addiction. You can find out more about her here.

I have never been one for New Year’s resolutions. I have nothing against them, of course. I just always felt that you can start at any time to make improvements on your life. God is always calling us to be our best, so why not live that way? However, over the years, as life has become busier and busier, I have begun to appreciate having that set time and fresh start at the new year to write down my goals. As with most resolutions and goals, starting strong is easy, but continuing through the months can become difficult. August, when so many of us or our children are heading back to school, is a great month to take some time and reevaluate where we're at with our goals. What has been successful? What hasn’t? This is definitely not a time to beat ourselves up about ways we have fallen short. This is simply a time to update our goals and make adjustments. Mid-Year Goal Setting Here are some steps to help you refocus and remember that all you do is ultimately for the glory of God. Start in prayer. Spend some time in quiet prayer, either in your home or in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Ask the Lord to fill you with His peace and clarity as you sit down to work on your goal setting. Clear your brain. Set a timer for ten minutes. Play some calming music, and sit down with a blank paper and pen. For the next ten minutes, write/draw/doodle whatever comes to mind. Maybe it has to do with your goals and maybe it doesn’t. Simply dump out everything on your mind: worries, hopes, fears, grocery lists. All of it. Write out your goals. Evaluate. Go back to when you last set goals (perhaps the beginning of this year?). Rewrite them, leaving a few lines underneath each one. Write down what is/was working for that particular goal and what was not. Imagine December. Now write a few sentences about where you see yourself in December in conjunction with your goals. What has changed? Are their any new goals? What in your life would be different if these goals came to fruition? Tweak your goals. From there, rewrite out your goals and your new game plan. Are there goals that are no longer relevant? Are there goals that are still important but don’t require as much time as you previously thought? Do you have a particular goal that you’d like to focus more on? Remembering where you you’d like to be in December, draw up a new game plan for each goal. Make a visual. Create a brand new Pinterest board dedicated to your goals for the next four months. Are you working to buying a house? Pin images of your dream house. Are you trying to finish the semester at a certain GPA? Pin some quotes that inspire you. Or you can go old school and make a “Vision Board” to hang up in a place you’ll see it often. A vision board is basically the original Pinterest board. Use magazines, scrapbook paper, photographs, and anything else to create a visual representation of what you are trying to accomplish and the motivation you need to accomplish it. Find a verse. Finally, find a Bible verse (our Scripture cards would be great for this) to help keep you focused over the next few months. Put it on your nightstand, on the bathroom mirror, or maybe next to the coffee machine. It just needs to be somewhere you’ll see it often. Our lives get so busy so fast. It is helpful to have a piece of Scripture dedicated just to your goals so that it can help remind you why you are working as hard as you are to achieve those dreams. Our Ultimate Goal Whatever your goals may be, do not be defeated. Focus on what you can control and do not waste energy on the things you can’t. Lay your goals at the foot of the cross and give it all over to the Lord. We can dream and plan all we want. But if we aren’t trusting in Him, we will ultimately find ourselves disappointed. [bctt tweet="We can dream and plan all we want. But if we aren’t trusting in Him, we will ultimately find ourselves disappointed. #BISblog //" via="no"] A Prayer for Dreamers Lord, You know my heart so well. You know every thought, prayer, idea, goal, and dream. Please help me to not become lost in the hustle of today’s world. Help me to slow down and remember that You are the author of my story, You are the greatest inspiration to my hopes and dreams. Give me the strength to pursue my passions and glorify You with my every step and every breath. Your will be done, O Lord, Your will be done. Amen. How are your goals for this year going? Are you setting new goals with the start of a new school year? Share them with us in the comments—we'll pray for you! [bctt tweet="Mid-Year Goal Setting #BISblog //" via="no"] Susana Starbuck is wife of a youth minister and mother to four littles five and under. She lives in Phoenix, AZ and enjoys reading a good book, posting her highlight reel on Instagram, and drinking wine. You can connect with her here. LITURGICAL PLANNERS Our Liturgical Planners are based on the Litany of Humility. Enter into prayer every day alongside this beautiful Litany. Order your days in His peace. GET YOUR PLANNER

Growing up Catholic, I've always been familiar and comfortable with the Blessed Virgin Mary. I understood and affirmed her role within the life of Christ and the life of the Church. I prayed my Hail Marys willingly. But just like faithful Christians can live decades without really knowing Jesus on a personal level, I spent most of my youth not really knowing Our Lady. Mary was a nice afterthought. In my mind, she was a great intercessor, but she sat on the sidelines of my spiritual life. But as I grew closer to Christ, a desire to know His mom more grew (super)naturally in my heart. I Couldn't Relate to Our Lady The problem was that I didn't really "get" Mary. I had a hard time believing that she wanted to know me. In examining my soul and why I had this road block to relationship with the Blessed Mother, I realized what was holding me back. Because of Mary's sinlessness and prevalence of grace, I didn't think she could understand me in my sin and imperfection. And, because of that; Shamefully, I didn't take her seriously. I assumed that, because she was conceived without Original Sin, that living a life of virtue was easy and natural for her. How could she understand the struggles I face? Trust me, I knew how wrong that way of thinking is, and it's hard to even admit that's where my prideful heart was stationed. How Can I Live Like Mary? Understanding that Mary is my supreme earthly model for virtue, especially as a woman, I was eager to find ways to imitate her. But these stumbling blocks in my mind kept me, well, stumbling. I felt that Mary's holiness was unattainable; and my all-or-nothing personality wanted to just abandon trying to imitate her virtue because I would, inevitably, fail. Of course, this is a ridiculous reason not to know or imitate Mary, but I had to learn that lesson first. I longed for an action plan, a step-by-step instruction on how to love and serve God like Mary did. Since I felt overwhelmed by her awesomeness, I needed someone to hold my hand and show me the way to the mother of the Way. St. Louis de Montfort and the Ten Virtues of Mary When I was a freshman in college, I met St. Louis de Montfort for the first time, who was eager to re-introduce me to Mary. St. Louis de Montfort spent the majority of his priestly ministry writing and speaking about how Mary is the safest, surest, and sweetest way to Christ. He wrote beautifully on the Rosary and the imitation of Our Lady. In his prayerful study of the life and person of Mary, St. Louis de Montfort outlined ten principle virtues Our Lady possessed and exercised. When I read them for the first time, I knew I had my roadmap. Finally, there were concrete ways I could strive to be more like Mary. These ways helped me know her more intimately. These virtues help me see precisely what I can do to exemplify our mom, and how to know the Holy Spirit more through her. [bctt tweet="Finally, I found concrete ways I could strive to be more like Mary. #BISblog //" username="to_the_heights"] Discovering the ten virtues of Mary was a true game-changer for me. Mary no longer feels unreachable, but available. I've come to understand that her perfection wasn't an easy gift, but that, with every breath, she chose to love in spite of her immense sufferings in life. She made the difficult choice to be virtuous in a world that was so broken. How to Be Women of Virtue Through this example of Our Lady, extracted tangibly by St. Louis de Montfort, we now have a clear vision for our path to holiness. Striving for these virtues finds its root and bloom in Christ Jesus. As women, we have a perfect example in Mary. Let's not be intimidated by her. Rather, let's more readily try to be more like her. Learning about the ten virtues of Mary has altered by life and relationship with Christ. I'd love for you to have them in your saintly toolkit as well! I'll be sharing more about these virtues, how Mary lived them, what they mean for us, and how we can practice them in tomorrow night's online workshop. I'll be live at 9 PM eastern talking all about Mary and simple, no-nonsense ways to live more like her. I'd love for you to be there to share thoughts an questions. You can save your virtual seat here. I hope to see you there—I'm excited to encourage you! Do you desire to live more like Our Lady, too? Will you be joining us for the workshop?! [bctt tweet="I Couldn't Relate to Our Lady Until I Discovered This #BISblog //" username="to_the_heights"] Olivia Spears lives in Kentucky, where sweet tea and bourbon flow like milk and honey. She works from home as an editor and social media manager while raising her children and laughing with her husband. Although she now spends most of her free time away from the internet, past adventures are still on her blog. You can find out more about her here.

The "door of faith" (Acts 14:27) is always open for us, ushering us into the life of communion with God and offering entry into his Church. It is possible to cross that threshold when the word of God is proclaimed and the heart allows itself to be shaped by transforming grace. To enter through that door is to set out on a journey that lasts a lifetime -Pope Benedict XVI Reflect Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin. So let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help. Hebrews 4:14-16 [bctt tweet="So let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help. -Hebrews 4:16 #BISblog #BISrests //" via="no"] Listen For musical inspiration for your restful Sunday, listen to our BIS Rests playlist. I recommend praying with “Grace Will Lead Me Home” by David Dunn. [bctt tweet="BIS Rests: Enter + Approach #BISblog #BISrests //"] Curated by Gina Fensterer. You can find out more about her here.

There was a time after I finished school that I lived in a community of volunteers. We talked a lot about the potential for conflict, the importance of ‘I’ statements, and going directly to the source of the conflict rather than “triangulating” (gossiping with those who didn’t need to hear about it and thus creating the awful middleman). This all made perfect sense to me. I was sure I’d lean hard on these suggestions on the off chance that in our super-cool group, there might be any… conflict. As it turned out, conflict isn’t especially hard to come by, even amongst this super-cool group of volunteers (you could insert siblings, spouse, vowed religious, or roommates here). We had varying expectations on everything from bathroom cleanliness, to dibs on leftovers, carpooling, and prayer times. This would have been an ideal time to employ those tools for communication and conflict. But I didn’t. Counterparts Help us Grow Fortunately none of the issues that arose were big enough to do significant damage. But, for my own sake, I mourn the lost opportunities to have built confidence in my ability to articulate what really mattered to me, especially when that task is difficult. Because the counter-intuitive truth is that having hard conversations with one another is evidence of a deeply-valued friendship. Not its demise, as we might fear. I’m still guilty of surrounding myself with those who help me to stay comfortable. After all, it can be vulnerable and even frustrating to feel the need to articulate—or worse, defend—my opinions and beliefs to another. And yet, it is so vitally important to be able to forge and maintain friendships with another. It must be, for communication it is the fabric of our relationships. This is not to undermine the value of the relationships that do stem from a common experience or belief. These friendships can moor us in ways that few others things can. So it seems this is a case of “both and” instead of “either or.” Who models this well? One of the striking characteristics I notice about many of the Saints that I have come to deeply admire are the intimate friendships they maintained. The kind of friendships I observe are those letter-writing, spiritual-directing, counsel-seeking sorts of soul friendships that were maintained by occasional visits and exhausting conversation. These are the kind of friendships we all yearn for, I think. But perhaps we aren’t groomed to maintain them. Add to that the fact that these friendships each existed between men and women and you’ll quickly note what a treasure they are. These relationships were not (necessarily) built on the convenience of the same convent/monastery, religious order or gender, but a common vision. St. Scholastica and St. Benedict These twin siblings belonging to different monasteries, maintained a solid friendship and profound respect for one another. They frequently sought counsel and camaraderie from one another. St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane de Chantal These Saints influenced one another significantly—specifically through the role of spiritual direction. They attended the parish where St. Vincent de Paul presided (does that make you think twice about who could be attending your parish?). St. Louis Martin and St. Zelie Martin They are most remembered for their holy marriage and forming children who lived vowed, religious, saintly lives. St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila These counterparts were both mystics, writers, and reformers within their Carmelite order. St. Vincent de Paul and St. Louise de Marillac These visionaries and innovators worked among the rich and poor of Paris in an effort to best serve those existing on the margins. St. Francis of Assisi and St. Clare Co-founders of the Franciscan order, these two recognized the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. They pursued simplicity and poverty in a way that attracted the people of their time (and ours). The Feast of St. Clare of Assisi Clare as a cloistered woman, and Francis as a mendicant preacher, exhibited two very distinct approaches to the Gospel Rule. Their distinct approaches send a clear message that they complemented one another and were likely able to speak words of wisdom and encouragement that the other would have needed to hear. As a dear Franciscan friend of mine put it, Clare was as much a support to Francis’ work as he was a support to Clare’s. Maybe we hear less of her because her abilities to communicate beyond her community would have been quite limited. From the beginning, Clare admired the simplicity of Francis’ call to live the Gospel with one’s life, and received Francis’ encouragement to do so. Yet as she began putting together her own Rule for the women in her community, she received little support for her simplistic idea from Rome. Clare maintained her devotion to the charism and vision that Francis had put forth in her own life. Rather than take up the charism of a previously-established order as she had been advised, Clare was adamant that her Rule be the Gospel. Through her wisdom and guidance, the Poor Clares integrated Francis’ Rule into their own practice—a rule that received papal approval days before her death. Saintly Besties Francis and Clare’s was a friendship that withstood the sands of time. When Francis died, Clare continued the vision he had put forth. Pope Francis’ grasp on the life of Francis from its emphasis on simplicity, reaching the marginalized, and caring for creation have brought renewed attention to the Franciscan tradition. It changed and continues to change the hearts or ordinary observers simply because it is the Gospel—the good news of Jesus. St. Clare of Assisi, pray for us! [bctt tweet="Counterparts: On the Feast of St. Clare of Assisi #BISblog //" via="no"]

We live in a tumultuous time. Stories of heartache and disaster fill our newsfeeds and an edge of hostility runs through everything from politics to popular culture. It would be easy for us to become despondent, to wish to disengage completely from the noise and hurt. How tempting it would be to shut it all out and focus only on ministering to our own small tribe, happily shielded from all the suffering. Leaning Into Others' Suffering When you open your home and heart to others, intentionally vulnerable to the needs and struggles of those around you, you expose yourself to hurt. And who wants that? Our own trials and the pressing needs of those in our immediate circles seem heavy enough. Wouldn’t our time be better spent nurturing what is good and beautiful in our lives and blocking out as much conflict and pain as possible? The hard truth is that our hearts are moulded and our love is magnified when we engage in others’ grief. Holy hurt grows us. Pain taken on for others expands our capacity for love, enlivening us, just as tough bread dough softens through kneading, becoming elastic and rising more fully. Simply put: we hurt for others so that we may better love them. [bctt tweet="We hurt for others so that we may better love them. #BISblog //" via="no"] Carrying Hurt with Others It’s argued that darkness helps give value to light by virtue of opposition. That we can better appreciate our joys when they stand in contrast to our hurts. That may be true. But more than just throw goodness into relief, suffering intensifies goodness and gives it nuance. Henri Nouwen wrote: The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When we carry hurt for others, our love is given greater dimension, just as the heavy blacks and blues of van Gogh’s The Starry Night heighten and animate the bright pinwheels of yellow starlight. We are not asked to seek out grief, or even to embrace it when we do encounter it. But we are called to walk with it, to be reconciled with it as a consequence of a broken world. Fortunately, while tragedy and loss are not positives themselves, when suffered prayerfully and united with the passion of Christ, they can be conduits for good, opportunities for mercy, healing, connection, and redemption. The Balance in Our Own Hearts Though our responsibility to our sisters and brothers is clear, we have to be intentional about approaching their distress in a healthy way. There is a phenomenon common in helping professions called compassion fatigue. The term refers to the burnout we experience when we overextend ourselves emotionally. When we care deeply for others and truly help to shoulder their burdens, we run the risk of exhausting ourselves. So it is necessary to find a balance of nurturing our own needs while not quarantining ourselves from the heavy hurts of those around us. Thankfully, compassion is not a zero sum game. Our capacity for caring is greater than we know. Recognizing our duty to help carry our neighbors’ grief is one thing. But understanding how to begin can be a challenge, especially when we are confronted with an onrush of such weighty, urgent needs. Undoubtedly, the surest way to banish the helplessness and hopelessness you feel in the face of pain and loss is to actively participate in resolving the hurt. The heaviest tragedies lose their power to overwhelm us when we make a move, however slight, in answering them. [bctt tweet="The heaviest tragedies lose their power to overwhelm us when we make a move, however slight, in answering them. #BISblog //" via="no"] How to Grow Through Holy Hurt Our varied gifts and abilities allow us to help and heal in any number of ways. But the most powerful starting point is prayer. For tragedies beyond your reach, prayer might be the only recourse you have, and for needs in your community and the lives of your concrete neighbors, prayer will give you guidance in how best to move forward. You might write a note of encouragement for a mother who is struggling, lend your time to an adult literacy program, or spend your day off visiting nursing home residents who don’t often get visitors. You might simply be more intentional about making your loved ones feel heard and understood. Whatever the circumstance, your specific passions and charisms make you uniquely suited to help others in a vital, tangible way. Always Hope Do not be overwhelmed by the division, cruelty, and misunderstandings you see in the media, politics, and everyday life. Do not be disheartened to the point of disengaging. Enter into the pain. Be uncomfortable, ache and grieve, but enter in. Yes, you will hurt, but suffering is a transforming ache—the agony of an athlete who is strengthened through the strain. You will be better for having taken it on. You will be softer and kinder and your connections to others will be more enduring and true. Have you been discouraged lately by all the suffering? How have you leaned into holy hurt? [bctt tweet="Growing Through Holy Hurt #BISblog //" via="no"] Mo Hurley is a social worker, baker, and picture book maker from South Dakota. She loves writing, documentaries about storm chasers, and The Flash.

During college, I sometimes felt a little (or a lot) lost. I often wondered if I could really handle an “adult” life. The good news is, I figured it out. And you will, too! In the meantime, I’ve put together a little list of things to help you along the way! College Advice: Things to Do Get all the paperwork done first. Be sure to make all the “boring stuff” (getting your Student ID, class schedule, etc.) your top priority. Complete it early in the first week of the semester, going to the necessary offices first thing in the morning to avoid lines. It’s a good foundation to build off of for the rest of the semester! Find the closest chapel. It’s important to find a spot for prayer outside of your dorm room. You will need a place for quiet reflection and rest (maybe even a place to cry when you feel overwhelmed). Be consistent in your visits. Try to go everyday, even if some visits are shorter than others. You’ll be amazed at your growing awareness of God’s presence throughout your day if you do this. Similarly, make time for quality prayer every. single. day. I know you’re busy, but God cannot be outdone in generosity. Any time you give Him in prayer, he will give back to you one-hundred times over. You will never ever regret spending time praying. It’s a very good way to become familiar with God’s voice. This can only be of benefit to you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Do all of your assignments. Even the little ones that you think you can afford to skip. They provide a nice cushion for the tests which may be harder than you expected! Get a good night’s sleep on a regular basis. I’m not saying to never stay up late with friends (that is an important part of your college experience). Similarly, there will be times (usually around midterms and finals) that you need to stay up until the wee hours of the morning. That’s normal. Just make sure that the majority of the time you are getting enough rest. Your brain and your immune system will thank you. College Advice: Things to Avoid Don’t buy a ton of stuff for your dorm room ahead of time. I did this and regretted it. I bought too much stuff that I ended up never using and all it did was take up space and make my dorm room crowded and messy. Move into your dorm with much much less than you think you need. You can always go out and buy something later. If I could do it all again, I would only buy new bedding, hangers, a collapsible hamper, and a favorite inspirational print. Don’t purchase a bunch of school supplies... ...at least until you’ve gone to all your classes and seen the preferences of your professor. Some don’t allow laptops, some want a specific type of notebook to use for a re-occurring assignment. Many don’t care, but for the professors who do, you don’t want to get on their bad side. Wait to purchase what supplies you need until after you see the syllabus for each class. Do not compare yourself to others. Even if it seems like someone else has all their ducks in a row, chances are they are hiding a cross of their own. Just because you can only see what looks like a golden life, do not assume that this person is not also struggling. As one of my theology professors used to say, “Comparison is from the pits of hell and should stay there.” Do yourself a favor and don’t base another’s reality on your perception! Don’t get involved in every single opportunity. It’s important to go out and meet people. But it’s also important that you have time to breath in your schedule. Do not over-value busy-ness! Society has raised us to believe that the busier we are, the more value we hold. Not surprisingly, our country also has some of the highest anxiety and depression rates in the entire world. Correlation does not always apply causation. But I know that for myself, unending business makes my anxiety levels sky-rocket. So build in time to relax, and don’t feel guilty about doing it! Don’t “wing” it. Time management is crucial to success. Learn how to plan your day and your week to maximize efficiency. You can always modify the plan as you go, but having one to begin with will always help you to “get the ball rolling” and stay on task. It also ensures that due dates for assignments don’t sneak up on you! College Advice: Things You May Not Expect Your friendships will change. Even those ones that were some of your longest and dearest before college. This doesn’t mean that the friendship wasn’t real; it simply means that life is changing. College-made friends are different. Connections run deeper and become more meaningful because of bonding over shared values, hours of exhausted studying, and learning how to navigate the “adult” world together. In a sense, these friends become an extension of your family, as they are the people you spend all your time with, and you get to choose each other. You’ll need to adjust the way you study and learn. You can’t just memorize, you have to learn! I remember spending over ten hours studying for my first big collegiate test and was shocked when I only received a B. I discovered couldn’t operate the same way I had in high school if I wanted to be successful in college. The world is bigger than you realize. When I went away to college, I discovered how very little I actually knew about life. Turns out adult reality is much bigger and more complicated than I ever knew. Don’t worry though, you’ll figure it all out. Future employers might not care about the things you think. Join the groups and help with events that you’re actually interested in, not the ones you think will necessarily look good on your resume. You’ll be surprised how God uses your natural interests and authenticity to help you land a job. Final College Advice from a Friar Over a decade ago, one of the friars that was a part of Franciscan University’s study abroad program in Austria gave some memorable advice. It was so memorable that the staff repeats it every semester with the arrival of new students: Some of you need to get out of the bars and into the chapel…and some of you need to get out of the chapel and into the bars! Virtue is found in the balance of life, not in the extremes. Being a regular human being who loves God and normal everyday things about society does a whole lot of good in world, both for you and everyone else. Got a question about college? Worry? Anxiety? Pop it in the comments section below! [bctt tweet="Advice for College Freshmen and Transfers #BISblog //" via="no"]