In your own grief and suffering, look to our Blessed Mother. She will hold your hand, as you unite your sorrows to hers and to Christ’s.

Amid the whirlwind of activities, let's remember that Christmas is about God becoming Man to save us, that we may have eternal life with Him.

While full-time motherhood is not superior to pursuing a career, this post offers inspiration to those who feel drawn to stay at home with their children.

On his feast day, let us look to the example of Saint Damien of Molokai, who demonstrated sacrificial love in a profound way. How can we show love and empathy toward others today?

December 12th is the Feast Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe and it is a very special day in our home. This feast day is significant to many throughout the world, but it is especially important to Mexican-Catholics because of the rich history of Our Lady and her apparition in Mexico. So one might be wondering why this day holds such significance to a little Korean-American family like ours living in Texas. For whatever reason, Our Blessed Mother has chosen to follow our family around for many years under the title of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Our Lady of Guadalupe, Patroness of All the Americas It was the year 1531, when a poor Aztec Indian named Juan Diego, was walking through the Tepayac hill country in Mexico. He encountered a beautiful lady surrounded by a bright light and she spoke to him in his native tongue. She revealed herself to him as the Mother of the true God, the Lord of Heaven and Earth, and gave Juan Diego a specific mission to go to the bishop and request that a church be built in her honor. A miracle took place when Juan Diego stood before the bishop, a cascade of beautiful roses falling from his poncho-like tilma. The bishop and his advisors fell to their knees. On his tilma was a perfect image of the Virgin Mary—the image of Santa Maria de Guadalupe. The bishop believed that Juan Diego had a true encounter with the mother of Jesus and approved her request. Since then, millions of Aztecs converted to Catholicism. Not only was the apparition a miracle, but the image on the tilma has been studied over the years and has proven to be a miracle itself. It can be seen today in the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico City, Mexico. A Mother’s Love Growing up in middle school, I had a Mexican-Catholic best friend. At the time, I had a very tumultuous relationship with my own family and had almost no relationship with them aside from living under the same roof. So my best friend’s family lovingly and graciously “adopted” me. I would spend multiple days and nights at her house, go on family vacations with them, and call her parents “mom and dad.” They would jokingly say that they had adopted the Korean girl whenever they introduced me to strangers, and I was fully immersed in their family life. Meanwhile, Our Lady of Guadalupe was working on my husband, Paul, to convert him back to Christ. She would reveal herself to him through the smell of roses and through the powerful prayer of the Rosary. When he was discerning religious life, she was there in a thirty-foot mural on the outside of the friary he lived in, assuring him of her prayers every day that he passed it. Her image would follow him around through several important life stages, always reminding him of her Son’s love and mercy. Our Lady of Guadalupe became very near and dear to Paul’s heart. “My little son, there are many I could send. But you are the one I have chosen.”     An Unexpected Encounter When Paul and I began dating, I started learning more about Catholicism. I appreciated how his Faith had beautifully impacted his life. One night, on December 12th, we went out on a date and went to a cupcake bakery. The employee serving us had a tattoo of Our Lady of Guadalupe on her arm. Paul made a comment about how it was coincidentally her feast day, and that led to an interesting conversation about her. He told me the story of Saint Juan Diego, the miracle of the tilma, and the conversion of millions of people because of Our Lady of Guadalupe. I found it all fascinating, but I was also looking at him like he was crazy. You see, at the time, I knew nothing about Mother Mary. I was born and raised in a hardcore Protestant family. Speaking about the Mother of Jesus was unheard of. Honoring her in any way was considered blasphemous. So when Paul started sharing about her, it made me feel very uncomfortable. I also had a very rough relationship with my own mother. She had unexpectedly left our family one night and then my parents got divorced. It was a very traumatic experience that left me with feelings of abandonment and betrayal. I didn’t understand how a mother could leave her children and it put fears into my own future as a potential mother. “My dear little son, I love you. I desire you to know who I am. I am the ever-virgin Mary, Mother of the true God who gives life and maintains its existence. All those who sincerely ask my help in their work and in their sorrows will know my Mother’s Heart in this place. Here I will see their tears; I will console them and they will be at peace.” My First Prayer So that night, on December 12th, Paul asked me, “Have you ever just said a prayer to Mother Mary?” I was thinking, Absolutely not! Is that even okay? He asked me if I would like to try. I had no idea what to say. He told me to tell her anything you would say to the best of mothers. So I said a very honest and simple prayer: “Mary, I don’t know what to say to you or how to feel about you. I don’t even have a relationship with my own mother right now and I feel so disconnected. But I know you’re the Mother of Jesus and I think that’s beautiful.” Immediately, I felt immense peace, love, and comfort. She told me, “I am your Mother. I have always been your Mother. And I’ve been praying for you and loving you before you even knew me.” Much like the words she said to Saint Juan Diego. This very first prayer that I ever prayed to Our Blessed Mother was the first step in my relationship with her. It played a big role in my conversion to Catholicism and it also began the work of me finally forgiving my own mother and restoring my relationship with her. “Let not your heart be disturbed. Am I not here, who is your Mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection?” Coming Full Circle A couple years later, Paul and I were married and pregnant with our first child. I was nervous about being a mother because of my past and all the pain I had worked through surrounding motherhood. My doctor told us we were expecting a baby girl and her due date was December 12th. We were shocked to hear that date but I knew that there was a very slim chance that babies are born on their actual due dates. In fact, it happens in only about 5 percent of pregnancies. So nine days before December 12th, we prayed a novena to Our Lady. And sure enough, our daughter was born on her due date, on the Feast Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe, and the day I became a mother. Much like my childhood friend’s family “adopted” me as their own, I feel like Our Lady of Guadalupe has truly adopted our family. She has always been a figure of peace, joy, and maternal love in our home. We attribute so many blessings and answered prayers to her intercession. And we are forever grateful to call her Mother. How has Our Lady shown her maternal love for you? What would you like to ask her to pray for you?   [bctt tweet="Our Lady of Guadalupe and How She Adopted Our Family #BISblog //" via="no"] MARY SHOWS US THE WAY Just as a mother might pass on a beloved family tradition to her daughters, Mary shares the recipe for growing in virtue with us. This study on Mary's Virtues will breathe new life into your everyday, beginning right in Mary's home. GET HOME STUDY

Recently I spoke with a young woman leaving for her freshman year of college. The subject of dating came up. I asked her what she was looking for in a man. Her words—“as long as he’s Catholic”—stirred up mixed feelings in my heart. I was grateful that her Faith was important to her; but on the other hand, I knew she deserved more than that. It has been 11 years since I’ve been on the dating scene and I thought it was hard a decade ago. I can’t imagine what dating has become like now, especially with the “hook-up culture” that seems to be so rampant on dating apps and college campuses. Keeping Standards High While Dating My hope for all single women is to not only embrace singleness and find joy and peace in it, but to wisely navigate dating and courtship in this seemingly-crazy modern culture. Envision the Life You Want in the Future Close your eyes and imagine your life in 10 years. What do you see? Are you in a loving, committed marriage? What kind of man is standing next to you? Does he have a prayer life? Is he supportive of your goals and dreams? Is he involved and attentive to your children? Does he work hard to provide for you and your family? Does he serve in ministry or do you travel the world together on missions? Does he make you laugh? Think about the couples in your life whose marriages inspire you. Marriage might not be on your radar right at this moment, but deciding what kind of marriage you want in the future can help determine what you value and what qualities you’re looking for in a man. You’ll be less likely to settle for a man who isn’t right for you. Find the Right Man in the Right Place Imagine that your future boyfriend is “going out with the boys” for the night. Where do you hope he’s going? How would you prefer that he spend his time with his friends? Hopefully not getting wasted at a random bar and passing out on a couch at 2 a.m. The way he chooses to spend his time is a great indicator of the kind of man he is and can possibly clue you into the kind of setting you can potentially meet him. Get involved with the young adult ministry in your local diocese. Join a club or take a class and learn a new skill. Serve your community by joining a service group. Meet other great ladies in a women’s group who might eventually be able to set you up with a great guy! You can’t always choose where you’ll meet your future spouse (I never thought I’d meet mine at a wedding) but you can definitely avoid the clubs and drunk parties where you likely won’t meet your dream man. Set Boundaries and Expectations Ever been halfway through a date and realize that the guy is subtly hinting at going back to his apartment to “hang out?” How romantic. Just because he buys you dinner doesn’t mean you owe him anything, especially not a quick and meaningless interaction. No matter how charming or attractive he is or how many butterflies are in your stomach, never forget that you are worth more than just a physical connection. You deserve a man who wants to protect your body, your mind, your soul, and your heart. Frankly, the man you date deserves the same from you. You should absolutely expect a man to take you out on a proper date and treat you like the daughter of God you are. You don’t have to treat every date like a marriage proposal, but you should make your intentions clear. If you are searching for a serious, intentional dating relationship with the hopes of a happy and healthy marriage, that should be made clear to him. Any man who is worthy of your time will respect this. Setting boundaries might take a little more forethought. I suggest discussing it with someone you trust before going on the date. Having those boundaries determined and placed in mind will make it easier to stick to them. Consider details like: Will you be picked up or meet at a public location? What time do you expect to be home? How many drinks (if any) will you have? What topics do you feel comfortable talking about? What are you uncomfortable with? Are you okay with holding hands? What other physical parameters should you consider? You Can’t Change Him, Only God Can Many of us can fall into the trap of dating someone who doesn’t agree with our values and hoping that he’ll change for us. How many times have we wished to be that girl on the TV show who captures the heart of the “bad boy” and he suddenly changes his ways for the better? It’s a great plot line; unfortunately, it’s not the story many of us experience. Most of the time, it leads to frustration and heartache. You may even find that a man labels himself as “Catholic” or “Christian” but later realize that means something entirely different to him. You are worthy of a good and godly man! And you have the impact and feminine genius to influence a man to strive for holiness and to improve himself in every aspect of his life. But you cannot change a man’s heart. Only God can. Surround Yourself With Good Friends Get the opinions of trusted friends, family, or even a mentor. Find people who share similar values and ideals, lift you up and encourage you, and speak truth into your life. These people should know and understand you well. They should validate you and help raise your confidence but also inspire you to improve and be your best self. Dating is fun and exciting, but putting the same amount of time and effort in cultivating deep and fruitful community is essential in feeling connected and having healthy relationships. They should also have the ability to communicate their concerns honestly. If your closest circle won’t point out the red flags they see, then who will? If a close friend or family member expresses concern about the man you’re dating, I would strongly suggest that you consider what they’re saying with a spirit of humility. When your heart and hopes are tangled up in a relationship, it might be hard not to jump to defensiveness. In the end, it’s up to you to decide, but it is helpful to hear from outside perspectives. Keep An Open Mind Do you have a friend who rejects every man she meets because she somehow finds something wrong with him? Maybe someone who self-sabotages every potential relationship because he doesn’t meet her impossible standards? When we expect perfection out of a man, we may begin to overlook the wonderful, amazing men who are already in our lives. Perhaps you have a male friend who you never gave a chance before. Maybe you didn't go on a second date with a guy because you weren’t immediately swept off your feet. Let’s consider how we, as women, can be open and receptive to being approached and pursued by men. We have to stay in that tension of holding ourselves up to the high standards that we deserve, without expecting a man to check off every single box on our “perfect man list.” Stay Rooted in Prayer If you want to find a godly man, you have to stay close to God. Immerse yourself into a healthy spiritual and prayer life so that He can reveal to you the kind of love you are worthy of. Seek healing if needed. So much of our past wounds and childhood experiences can shape the way we think we deserve to be loved. Ask God to remind you of your worth and dignity. Pray for your future spouse. He needs the prayers in his singleness just as much as you do! This special time of searching for one another is one that can be filled with incredible blessings. You can intentionally seek to become a better woman, daughter, friend, future wife and mother while he intentionally seeks to become a better man, son, friend, future husband and father. Then, when you two meet, you will be much more ready to join together and strive for holiness and Heaven together. What kind of marriage do you think God is preparing you for? What has your dating life been like and what would you like to change? If you are not single, is there a single girlfriend you can send this article to?   [bctt tweet="Single Ladies, Put Your Hands Up // Keeping Standards High While Dating #BISblog // " via="no"]

I was having a particularly rough month and was feeling lost. I had recently shared about my broken family history (something I hadn’t done in a long time). Revisiting all of those memories left me feeling insecure. My wounds and scars opened up again, exposing all the parts of me that feel ugly and in need of healing. I wished I could go back and change things, feeling bitter and angry that it still affects me to this day. I thought about how whole I could be if things had turned out differently, how unfair it was that I had constantly questioned my worth, how hard it was for me to trust the people I love most. I knew I needed time with Our Lord but I kept putting it off. I had so many words that were jumbled in my head and were hard to put together. I was emotionally drained. It was overwhelming to even scratch the surface of all the pain and hurt that consumed me. I had an opportunity to visit Jesus in Adoration and thought this would be a perfect time to lay out all my frustrations. But when I knelt before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, I was nervous. I didn’t know what to say or where to even begin. Would He understand? Would He chastise me for complaining too much? Would He tell me to chin up and move on and stop dwelling in the past? As I was trying to pray and explain all of these things, I felt moved to simply sit in silence and remain in His presence. I stared at Jesus, looking for the words, when I heard Him say in my heart, “I know.” And I wept. [elementor-template id="707561"] He knows it all. Jesus was there with me and He understood everything. There was no need for me to explain. All I needed was to remain in Him, even when I didn’t know what to say or what to do next. I simply sat there and let His presence console me. He acknowledged the pain in my heart and my need for His healing. He allowed me the space to cry and grieve for the things of my past. So much was communicated simply by being in His presence, just like so much can be communicated with one look between spouses or two best friends. It really was simple. I tried to fill the silence with words and instead I was reminded of the depth of His intimate love. And as long as I remain in Him and He remains in me, I can ask Him for anything and it will be done (see John 15:7). Oftentimes, the ache feels too much to handle and that causes us to turn away or give up. But God is the One Who can handle it all. He knows you, dear sisters, and He looks upon you with love so deep it is beyond words. // What areas of your life do you lack peace? What are the things that overwhelm you? // As we close this series today, reflect: How can you remain with the Lord in the present moment? What has He stirred in your heart over the last week? What is the Holy Spirit trying to show you?   P.S. Grab this free wallpaper for your phone or computer to remind you of your focus during this summer series (and beyond)!   [bctt tweet="REMAIN Series // Lost for Words #BISblog //" via="no"]

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be married. I was always "falling in love" with boys and looking forward to being a mother. However, when my parents divorced during my teenage years, that led to some serious doubts and wounds regarding marriage. It suddenly became something very scary. Years later, when I met my husband, I knew after a month that I wanted to marry him. I can’t explain how I made that jump except to say that I finally fell in love with Jesus, Who transformed my heart. That led to a deep dive into the purpose and beauty of marriage and what that means for my life. Fast forward to present-day: I have been married to my best friend for almost nine years and we have four beautiful children. Discerning marriage is a deeply personal experience that builds upon a personal relationship with Jesus. We are all called to the universal vocation of holiness and that looks different for each of us. For some of us, it may include a call to marriage. Best Books for Discerning Marriage I hope that this list of books will encourage you in your journey of discernment and give you a deeper understanding of how God wants you to live out your holiness. For the Intellectual First, let’s lay the foundation of what marriage is: what it means, why God created marriage, and the mission of marriage. Anyone who is discerning vocations should start here. Some of these books may be a bit “academic” but there is so much beauty and truth here. Three to Get Married by Fulton J. Sheen Marriage is impossible without God. He is a very active and vital participant in the union between husband and wife. So on your wedding day, you are not only making a vow to your spouse, you are also making a vow to live out your vocation of marriage with Jesus at your side. Fulton Sheen, in all his saintly wisdom, beautifully covers the true meaning of love, the role and purpose of marriage, and the mysterious and unbreakable bond that marriage creates. Love and Responsibility by Pope John Paul II One of the things that I love about Pope Saint John Paul II is his ability to speak to the heart of every man and woman with love and truth. He had a way of addressing the needs of the wider Church while making each individual feel seen and understood. Love and Responsibility came at the height of “sexual revolution,” a time when the world needed so much transformation. His wisdom will change the way you view the opposite sex, the way you date, and the things you are looking for in your future spouse. Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love by Edward Sri This book is very good at unpacking Love and Responsibility and making it accessible to every reader. You’ll be able to examine your heart and apply JPII’s vision to your own life, in whatever stage you find yourself. I also really appreciate the discussion questions at the end of each chapter, which makes it a good book study for a small group or an engaged couple (or maybe if you’re on a date and you want to get straight to the point). Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II Another beautiful gift from John Paul II is a collection of his addresses that have revolutionized the way Catholics view identity and sex: the Theology of the Body. We live in a world where sex has been skewed, twisted, and surrounded with lies. But we know that sex goes way beyond the physical act. It is a total gift of self: in mind, body, and soul. JPII dives into the mysticism of marital and sexual union and brings much clarity, renewal, and healing to the Church and world. It is so refreshing to read his insights, especially coming from the Holy Father at the time. Good News about Sex & Marriage by Christopher West If you find Edward Sri’s practical application of Love and Responsibility to be helpful, this book by Christopher West would be the practical companion to Theology of the Body. West has a beautiful way of simplifying the profound beauty and intricacies of the Theology of the Body. This book has a very straightforward, Q&A style format which makes it super easy to read and understand. For the Practical Now that we have that foundation laid, let’s get into the practical help. Throughout courtship and marriage, you’ll find yourself going back to these books and talking about it with your significant other. My husband and I have found these books to be incredibly helpful as we navigate the joys and challenges of marriage. Emotional Virtue by Sarah Swafford I truly believe that anyone who is pursuing dating needs to read this book. We frequently hear about being chaste and “saving yourself until marriage” but when do we ever hear about emotional chastity? Instead of focusing on all the things we shouldn’t do, this book gives helpful and beautiful insight into all the things we should be doing to build healthy relationships. In friendship, dating, and courtship, we can work to protect our hearts and the hearts of the opposite sex. The Temperament God Gave You by Art and Laraine Bennett “Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew you,” God tells us in Jeremiah 1:5. And He gave each and every one of us a personality, too! Our environment and childhood have a profound effect on us, but there are innate parts of ourselves that make up who we are and these are our temperaments. Choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic, melancholic... which one are you? Similar to personality tests, this book reveals so much of who we are and how we perceive the world, especially in relationship with one another. Being aware of our temperaments can help the way we interact and understand each other. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman You may have heard of the phrase “love language” in Christian circles before, but have you ever stopped to consider how you express and receive love? (Spoiler alert: it may not be the same as your significant other!) So much can be miscommunicated and your bids for love may be totally missed if you and your partner are not speaking the same love language. This is not only a very helpful and practical guide for your marriage, but for all your relationships: with your parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, and even your kids! The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman In a world where over half of marriages are end in divorce, we may feel disheartened and skeptical of the possibility of a lasting marriage, especially if we have personal experience with divorced parents and broken families. After 25 years of extensive research, Dr. Gottman has been able to pinpoint the main causes of divorce and predict the success of marriage with almost 95% accuracy. He also presents life-changing and daily practices that can prevent divorce. He brings the perfect balance of science and romance to create a practical guide to emotionally balanced and long-lasting marriage. The Gottman Institute has personally given me so much hope in believing that I do not have to repeat the mistakes of my family’s past and that I can truly have a happy and holy marriage. The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey When you become one with your husband, you also become one with your incomes, bank accounts, spending habits, and pending loans. A huge part of marriage involves finances and it’s important to talk about because it’s not just about money. We attach very personal meanings, memories, and values to money. Throughout marriage, career changes, kids, retirement, and life in general, talking about money is going to be a very regular occurrence. It’s best to start before you tie the knot. This book allowed my husband and I to have very honest conversations about debt, budgeting, and our financial goals. Achieving financial freedom has changed our marriage and given us one less thing to stress about and more things to dream about our family’s future. Not everybody agrees with Dave Ramsey’s philosophy on finances and that’s ok, as long as it can help initiate those conversations surrounding financial expectations and bring about financial unity during marriage. For Fun I’ve included a few fun reads because discerning marriage should be fun! It is a wonderful time of wonder, anticipation, and growth as you reflect on what kind of love story God has in store for you. Love Letters to My Husband by Gianna Beretta Molla I really enjoyed reading this book during my engagement because of the way Saint Gianna carried herself with grace and holiness throughout her engagement and marriage. It made me think about the kind of wife and mother I want to become and she was a huge inspiration to me. The way she writes about her feelings for her husband, Pietro, are full of romance and hope and it is evident that their mutual love for the Lord is what made their relationship stronger. By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride by Alice VonHildebrand If a newly engaged or newly married friend asked me, “What do you wish you had known before getting married?” I would hand her this book. It is written in the style of C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters and it presents a very realistic but hopeful view of marriage. It’s like if you had written letters to moms, aunts, friends, and other women in your life whom you deeply trust asking for their advice, and received these letters in response. This book is a collection of letters that show the ups and downs of marriage with very applicable guidelines on how to love your husband more, how to become the woman and wife God is calling you to be, and how to strive for holiness in your vocation of marriage. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers This is one of my favorite books and one that I read again every few years. It is a romance novel modeled after the biblical story of Hosea and Gomer. A man falls in love with a woman and rescues her out of prostitution. But the main story is about how God rescues this woman by proving His love to her. The book is also a reminder that no one’s past is too great for the Lord to redeem and that true love covers a multitude of sins. It is two love stories in one book, and every time I read it I fall more in love with my husband and the Lord each time! Holy Sex! By Gregory Popcak Sex is a very integral and important part of marriage. It is a gift from God for a husband and wife to enjoy. Even in marriage, we are called to be chaste and pure while enjoying each other in the marital embrace. When we get married, we enter a new world of sex, and that can lead to a lot of questions. Dr. Popcak explains how we as Catholics can enjoy a rich and satisfying sex life with our spouses while still holding true to the teachings of the Catholic Church. It also includes questionnaires and quizzes that can help open up honest communication about sex, which might otherwise be an awkward dialogue. Just a fair warning, this book does go into some intimate details regarding the act of sex, so if that is something you’re sensitive to, it may be best to read this book after you are married. It would be fun to read it with your husband! Instruction manual from IKEA Okay, this one is kind of a joke, but my husband and I have always said that they should make furniture-building a part of every marriage prep course or Engaged Encounter retreat! Building something complicated together (especially if it comes with a very unhelpful, wordless instruction booklet like IKEA furniture does) can reveal so much about your relationship: how you communicate, how you divvy up responsibilities, and how you (inevitably) deal with frustration. It may just make or break your relationship, but the hope is that you come out of it learning how to resolve conflict and tackle projects without killing each other! The World Needs Holy Marriages We are all uniquely made in the image of God, along with our beautiful differences and our individual callings. Maybe your calling is to marriage, and it is a beautiful vocation. The world needs more examples of happy and holy marriages. It is equally as important as seeing examples of happy and holy priests and religious. As you discern the unique path the Lord has laid out for you, it is vital to stay close to Him through prayer and the Sacraments. I hope that you would use those opportunities to respond to His love and His will. As you take the steps to actively discern your vocation, I pray that you would find clarity, conviction, and peace of heart. What are your favorite books for discerning marriage?   [bctt tweet="Best Books for Discerning Marriage #BISblog //" via="no"]   This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

One of the things I have observed about my parents’ marriage and eventual divorce is the fact that they rarely argued in front of my sister and me. I used to think this was something admirable about their relationship until I realized it seriously stunted my ability to address conflict within my own relationships. I was never shown how to argue in a healthy way. Growing up in a household where issues were swept under the rug and never addressed only taught me how to avoid conflict. Is my Marriage Doomed? One of the hardest adjustments in my own marriage was realizing that we would bring up issues—and sometimes the same issues—over and over again. Every time we would start having an argument, my anxiety would fly through the roof. I would hope that we could give each other space to cool off and then, later, pretend it never happened. Of course, with this method we were never going to actually resolve anything. I would wonder, “Is this always going to be a problem? What’s the point of trying if we’re going to fight about it again in a few months?” When my husband and I would sit down to talk things out, I thought my marriage was doomed to the same fate as my parents’. Ironically, it was doing the exact opposite. Having these arguments was forcing us to actually address the issues before they became irreparable. Fighting for Our Marriage I would have these unexpected experiences where I felt deeper closeness and more love for my husband after our fights. I realized it was because he wasn’t fighting to win an argument. He was fighting for me and for our marriage, especially when I felt tempted to just give up. I realized how vulnerable I could be. He would be exposed to some of my ugliest thoughts and actions... and he would still love me. The more we argued, the more we began to understand each other. We communicated better, we learned what triggers us, and even began to anticipate what the other person needs and what love languages to speak. This, ultimately, would lead us to feeling greater love and intimacy with one another. What I have come to accept is that we are human, we make mistakes, and we are creatures of habit (sometimes, not so great habits). We come into marriage as complex individuals with unresolved issues and wounds that have yet to heal, and suddenly, we're trying to figure out how to bring all those things together harmoniously. It is not easy! And that’s ok. We weren’t made for just the “easy.” We were made for greatness, and greatness takes work. Jesus is My Bridegroom This led me to evaluate my relationship with the Lord. How do I go “deeper” in my relationship with Him? The idea of it actually made me quite nervous because I used to think that the “deeper” you go, the more likely you are to make mistakes. I wanted a perfect relationship that always felt nice. And that meant that I would keep Him at arms length. In a twisted way, I thought that if I avoided acknowledging the sin in my life, I could avoid disappointing Him. But much like marriage, Jesus doesn’t want an “easy” relationship with us. He wants all of us. And Jesus is ultimately our Spouse, is He not? He is the Bridegroom and we are His bride. No more shall men call you “Forsaken,” or you land “Desolate,” But you shall be called “My Delight,” and your land “Espoused.” For the Lord delights in you, and makes your land his spouse. As a young man marries a virgin, your Builder shall marry you; And as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride so shall your God rejoice in you. // Isaiah 62:4-5 How Confession Saved My Marriage Like with any marriage, there will be moments of conflict within our relationships with God. There are highs and lows. And Jesus is ok with that. God doesn’t want us to hate ourselves or to fall into despair. He sees the good, the bad, and the ugly in us. He sees it all... and He still loves us. There's no greater vulnerability and intimacy than that. But just like we need to do the work in marriage, we need to do the work of repenting and repairing our relationship with Him. The more I would run to Jesus in Confession and do an honest Examination of Conscience, the easier it was for me to own up to my mistakes and say, “I’m sorry,” to my husband. The more I received the graces of His mercy, the easier it was for me to say, “I forgive you.” We are all called to imitate Jesus; we are all called to holiness. When we struggled in our marriage and had to learn to stretch ourselves in order to grow in that holiness, we were reminded of how Jesus stretched His arms on the Cross in order to receive us fully and totally. Conflict is an Opportunity This changed my whole perspective on conflict. It was no longer something I needed to be afraid of. I began to view each conflict or sin in my life as an invitation. It is an opportunity to grow. Repentance and Confession is our chance to be vulnerable and honest with Him. And with our Bridegroom’s forgiveness, we grow in deeper intimacy and relationship with Him. These are important and valuable lessons that I hope to teach my children. My husband and I have gotten better at addressing conflict over the years. It still takes work to prevent our egos from getting in the way and letting it turn into heated arguments, but we are still learning and growing every day. Better yet, we are able to model for our children what it means to work things out in marriage, friendships, familial relationships, and most importantly, in our relationship with God. Have you been fearful of conflict in the past? Are you afraid of it now? Why do you think that is? How might the Lord be inviting you into greater intimacy with Him through your messiness and complication?   [bctt tweet="How Conflict in Marriage Can Lead to Greater Intimacy with Jesus #BISblog //" via="no"]

Several years ago, I learned about a young boy who learned he was dying from a brain tumor at the age of 12. He was an ordinary kid who loved sports and spending time with his family, but he had an extraordinary amount of faith and hope in God’s love and in Heaven.

One of the things I loved most about working as a nurse in a crisis pregnancy clinic was the opportunities to present hope to our patients.

In 2020, while I was pregnant with our youngest child and during the peak of COVID, God asked our family to leave everything behind in California and move to Texas. California had been the only place I had ever lived. It was the only home I knew—where I felt security and comfort.

Before my conversion, I was quick to view life through a pessimistic lens and jump to the worst conclusions. I had been repeatedly disappointed by my broken family and throughout past relationships until I became an angry person.

When our family was sick with COVID-19 it was an incredibly challenging time. My husband and I had never felt so sick in our lives. We were barely able to get out of bed and we still had to take care of our four small children.

Have you ever felt like you may be the only person who struggles with the same sin over and over again? Well, you are not alone. I know the frustration of committing a particular sin, going to Confession, falling back into that sin, and repeating that cycle again and again until you begin to wonder if there’s even any point!

“What do you want me to do for you?†He replied, “Lord, please let me see.†// Luke 18:41 In this Gospel passage, we learn about the blind beggar. As soon as he heard that Jesus of Nazareth was passing by, he did not waste a moment—he seized the opportunity to encounter the Lord.

This time of year often stirs up a variety of feelings about family depending on your family situation. We live in a broken world and sometimes the most broken people are the ones closest to us. Even the most seemingly happy families may be dealing with difficulties. This season, whether you are feeling lonely, emotionally drained, or anxious about tense family dynamics, I hope that we can dig deeper and really begin to unpack where those wounds take root in the hopes that we can find forgiveness, healing, and peace. A Family Torn Apart I will never forget the night when my mom left our family. Unbeknownst to me, my parents’ marriage experienced problems from the very beginning. Up until this night, I was not aware that there had been any serious issues. My mother left a toxic and abusive marriage, but also left her children confused and devastated. I’ll never forget how my sister and I cried and begged her not to go. I’ll never forget how her perfume lingered in the air as she slammed the front door behind her. It was this night that began a whole breakdown of my sense of family, belonging, and safety. It became the source of a huge mother wound—feelings of abandonment and unworthiness—that still affect me to this day. This experience left me battling with some unhealthy habits. I thought that I needed to resort to extreme behavior to make a point, that I should leave and call it quits when things get hard, and that I needed to have total control to prevent heartbreak. Getting to Know Another Mother I remember when I said my very first prayer to Our Blessed Mother. Growing up, she was never an important part of my life or the faith I was raised in. In fact, I was taught that it was sinful to pray to her, so this first prayer during my conversion to Catholicism was very scary. I felt like I was doing something wrong. At this time, I was struggling so much with feeling disconnected from my mother and working through a lot of the wounds that affected my relationship with her. As I prayed to our Blessed Mother for the first time in my life, I felt immense peace, love, and comfort. I felt her saying to me, “I am your mother. I have always been your mother. And I’ve been praying for you and loving you before you even knew me.” I felt seen. I felt known and cared for. Starting my relationship with her began the work of finally forgiving my own mother. Saint Quotes On Family Ever since learning about the Saints, I’ve been so inspired by their incredible examples of holiness, but more so by the unique lives that led to their canonizations. Many of them came from beautiful families and many came from broken families. Regardless of their histories, they knew that they were so much more than their failures, their parents’ failures, or whatever hardships happened to them. They dedicated themselves to God, entrusting Him with their lives. We also have the Holy Family to whom we can look as an example of purity, sacrifice, and trust as the Lord carries us through difficult and challenging moments within our own families. We Belong Whatever your family situation may be, we should not forget that we all belong to a family. We have the love of the Father—the perfect Father. We have our beautiful Blessed Mother interceding for us with her maternal love. As Christians, we are adopted children of God. Let’s not forget that our sense of belonging can reach beyond our immediate family. Whether it’s a church community, close friendships, or a spiritual mother or father, let us remember that we belong to each other as brothers and sisters of Christ. “The family is the most ancient institution which God founded in Paradise, when He called the first pair of human begins into existence. The first blessing which God gave was for the wellbeing of the family.” // Saint John Vianney “God did not create a human family made up of segregated, dissociated, mutually independent members. No, He would have them all united by the bond of total love of Him and consequent self-dedication to assisting each other to maintain that bond intact.” // Venerable Pope Pius XII Marriage is to help married people sanctify themselves and others. For this reason they receive a special grace in the sacrament which Jesus Christ instituted. Those who are called to the married state will, with the grace of God, find within their state everything they need to be holy.” // Saint Jose Maria Escriva “Love and sacrifice are closely linked, like the sun and the light. We cannot love without suffering and we cannot suffer without love.” // Saint Gianna Beretta Molla “When husband and wife are united in marriage they no longer seem like something earthly, but rather like the image of God Himself.” // Saint John Chrysostom “Marriage is an act of will that signifies and involves a mutual gift, which unites the spouses and binds them to their eventual souls, with whom they make up a sole family—a domestic church.” // Saint John Paul II Be the Change Your Family Needs No family is perfect. In every family, happy or not, there are issues to be addressed, forgiveness to be granted, and the work of healing to be done. And that’s hard, isn’t it? It’s hard to look past the hurts and truly see our family members the way Jesus sees them. But if the way we treat our family members, good or bad, is a reflection of the way we treat Jesus, I know we can all do better. We can recognize the faults and failures of those closest to us but it is an act of true love that involves selflessness, forgiveness, and sacrifice. Instead of focusing on how our family members need to change, we must ask ourselves, “What can I do? How do I need to change? How can I show kindness and charity in order to bring peace and harmony into this family?” If you have plans coming up to visit with family and you’re kind of dreading it, I encourage you to pray. Truly surrender your pain, anxieties, and hurt to the Lord and let Him take it from you so you don’t have to deal with it alone anymore. Pray for your family members. Pray for peaceful family gatherings. I suggest you start a novena to Saint Joseph, the head of the Holy Family, and the patron Saint of families. If you want to take more practical steps, here are some wonderful suggestions that you can put into practice in the days leading up to seeing your family. “Whatever you do for your family, for your children, for your husband, for your wife, you do for God. All we do, our prayers, our work, our suffering, is for Jesus.” // Saint Teresa of Calcutta “See to it that you refrain from harsh words. But if you do speak them, do not be ashamed to apply the remedy from the same lips that inflicted the wounds.” // Saint Francis of Paola “No one heals himself by wounding another.” // Saint Ambrose “To maintain a joyful family requires much from both the parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of others.” // Saint John Paul II “You will never be happy if your happiness depends on getting solely what you want. Change the focus, get a new center, will what God wills, and your joy no man shall take from you.” // Venerable Fulton Sheen Jesus Always Restores While I now understand my mother’s reasons for leaving our family, it left a huge scar on my heart. Over the years, and thanks be to God, I have been able to process a lot of what has happened and forgive my mother. Now we have a wonderful relationship. It’s not perfect, but it’s not meant to be. I was eventually able to reconstruct my idea of what family is. It’s not what I expected as a little girl. I thought that family was always happy and cheerful, that people didn’t hurt each other, that there would never be any arguments. I know now that family is quite the opposite. It’s about being in your lowest of lows, showing the worst sides of yourself, but working together through the issues and coming out on the other side of it loving each other and understanding each other more than before. The devil specifically attacks families. The beauty, the joy, and the grace that flows from holy families are things that the enemy despises and so he makes it his mission to tear families apart. But we won’t let him win. We won’t let him have the last say. Whatever has happened in your family, you have the power to change it. You have the power to forgive, to heal, and to repair—and it has to start in your own heart. It is through this special kind of sacrifice that you can change your family, and when the unity of family is restored, the whole world can be restored. Whether you plan to spend these holidays with family or not, I pray that your days will be filled with joy, peace, and gratitude. “I think peace will be a long time coming. But our faith teaches us that we must always keep on hoping, we shall enjoy it one day.” // Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati “He who knows how to forgive prepares for himself many graces from God. As often as I look upon the cross so often will I forgive with all my heart.” // Saint Faustina “The family is the basis in the Lord’s plan, and all the forces of evil aim to demolish it. Uphold your families and guard them against the grudges of the evil one by the presence of God.” // Saint Charbel “The final battle between the Lord and the reign of satan will be about marriage and the family. Don’t be afraid, because anyone who works for the sanctity of marriage and the family will always be fought and opposed in every way, because this it the decisive issue. However, Our Lady has already crushed its head.” // Servant of God Lucia of Fatima “Let us love, since that is what our hearts were made for.” // Saint Therese of Lisieux “Now, we must help each other to get to Heaven.” // Blessed Charles of Austria (to his wife, Empress Zita, the day after their wedding) “If you want to bring happiness to the whole world, go home and love your family.” // Saint Teresa of Calcutta “As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” // Saint John Paul II What are some ways you have felt hurt, abandoned, or unloved by your family? What kind of changes can you make within your own heart to love yourself and love your family? What are three things you are grateful for?   [bctt tweet="Saint Quotes for Broken Families #BISblog //" via="no"]