God Keeps Choosing Me

Any time I read this Gospel (John 15:9-17), I hear the voice of the priest at my wedding.

This was the Gospel my husband and I chose for a day that ended up being one of the most exhilarating and exciting days of our lives. We were on a high of love, celebration, and discovery.

It’s a reality, of course, that nothing can stay at a fever pitch of excitement. Not every day of our marriage is as heady as our wedding, even though I’m always grateful for it.

That’s the reality of life; it’s the reality of faith, too.

I’ve had days in my adult faith that felt exhilarating, as if my connection to the Divine could move mountains. But those days are rare. At other times—right now, in fact—I’ve had dry periods, where I believe in God but I struggle to feel the old excitement. They are disconcerting, these desert times. I long to find the old wonder again.

But Jesus says, “It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you” (John 15:16). These words touch a place inside me that makes me cry. My bond with God is not jeopardized just because I’m feeling flat. I may think it all depends on me, on my excitement or lack thereof, but it doesn’t.

God is invested in me. God gave me life, gave me gifts to use. God engaged with me long before I decided to engage with Him.

So my lesson from these dry periods is this: even when I’m not “feeling” that bond, it’s okay, because God always is.

I know God loves to be with me, Love itself, each and every day. I am sustained by the knowledge that He chose me first and He keeps on choosing me, every day of my life.

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Ginny Kubitz Moyer is a mother, high school English teacher, and BBC period drama junkie. She is the author of three books, including Taste and See: Experiencing the Goodness of God with Our Five Senses and Random MOMents of Grace: Experiencing God in the Adventures of Motherhood. Ginny lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband, two boys, and about thirty thousand Legos.  She is the author of our Blessed Conversations: The Seven Sacraments found here. You can find out more about her here.