Y’all know the heaving sobs. The kind that take over your body because the pain is so great. The error so grave. The betrayal so palpable.
They rock you and through your tears you cannot see the love because the suffering feels unbearable. You wonder, how can God redeem this? THIS. Your mind believes in redemption, but your heart is in pieces and fears more suffocating pain.
I wonder if that’s how Joseph felt in the beginning? Broken beyond belief, at the hands of his brothers. Perhaps time and perspective allowed him to lean into God and seek forgiveness so when his brothers asked, they no longer needed to. Joseph’s heart had already moved on from anger and resentment to love and mercy.
It’s so easy to reside in fury, isn’t it? We can let it take over. When our son was born premature, our relationships with close friends and family changed, and I found myself disenchanted. Frustrated. Why didn’t they understand our pain? Our fears? Why were they flitting about and worrying over things that didn’t matter? Why didn’t they understand the weight of our cross?
I was letting judgment destroy precious relationships. It was so much easier to point out other people’s faults and missteps than it was to look in the mirror and face my own.
As the fog cleared and my husband and I entered marriage counseling, the epiphany and the perspective crept in to the deepest recesses of my heart. God’s mercy softened me. When those friends and family sought me out, years later, and offered their apologies, I too, wept. The apology was no longer necessary because I had long forgiven them.
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Maybe you’re in a state of fury or forgiveness or somewhere in between. Just know the white flag of God’s great love is within reach. Make the leap to wave it with Him.
Kathryn Whitaker is a former agricultural communications consultant turned mom and freelance graphic designer. She enjoys writing, practicing her charism of hospitality, planning killer parties, organizing/DIY projects and discovering good food trucks in Austin. She likes her tea sweet, her men handsome, and her kids obedient. Two out of three isn’t bad. She’s a fifth-generation Texan who found the love of her life on a blind date at Texas A&M. She and her husband, Scott, have six kids, teen to toddler. Find out more about her here.