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Drowning in Everything I Ever Wanted

The disciples have been up all night, being tossed about by waves. It’s sometime between three and six in the morning when they are frightened to see a ghostly figure approaching across the water. When Jesus reassures them that it’s Him, Peter, apparently, thinks to himself, That. I want to do that, too.

He asks Jesus for miracle. It’s granted. He’s actually doing it. Then he panics.

It makes me think of my brother- and sister-in-law. They spent the first five years of their marriage praying for a baby. Then, through adoptions and biological births, they ended up with four boys under three. That’s a pretty strong wind, indeed.

I can relate, too. I wanted to move. And to fix up this crazy fixer upper house myself. And to write a book. And to send my oldest kids to school. And to homeschool the others. And to have another baby. I just didn’t, necessarily, want all of it at exactly the same time. But that’s how it happened. I asked God for these things and boldly stepped out of the boat into them. It was going pretty well until I looked around and realized how nuts it all was, and started to flounder in my blessings. Just like Saint Peter.

But that’s okay. We can be like Saint Peter. We can ask for the world then not be sure we can handle it after all. Because here’s where Saint Peter’s real lesson to us comes. He blows it again and again, but he ALWAYS turns back to Jesus: “Lord, save me!” (Matthew 14:30) And Jesus always does.

Things are still crazy at my brother- and sister-in-law’s house. But they’re surviving. There’s still plenty to do around here. The yet-unpainted part of the house seems to leer at me while I focus on doing other things for a few months. But I’m grateful for all of it. And one of these days, we’ll be back in the boat, relaxing with Jesus, laughing about how crazy it all was for a little while there.

Ask for Jesus’ help today. Just ask and He’ll be right there with you on your crazy ride.

Kendra Tierney is a forty year old mother of nine and wife of one living in and working on a big old fixer-upper house in Los Angeles. She’s a homeschooler and a regular schooler and is counting down the days until her oldest turns sixteen and can take over some of the driving! Her new book about living the liturgical year in the home is in the editing process. You can find her first book, A Little Book About Confession, here, her blog here, and her word art here.

2 Comments

  • Reply
    Kelsey
    August 14, 2017 at 2:36 pm

    Gosh I’ve been feeling this way lately. Blessings have been showered on me including my first child and as much as I am happy I can be terrified too! Just the passage I needed today.

  • Reply
    Shannon Brown
    August 15, 2017 at 2:13 pm

    The first thing this made me think of was a game my kids used to play when they were little where they would pretend my bed was a boat and they would hang precariously over the edge and say “help me help me!” and just before hitting the floor, my husband or me or one of their siblings would pull them up. They would do it over and over and over *(as kids do!) and I remember always getting to that point where I wanted to just let them fall on the floor because COME ON ALREADY I SAVED YOU NINE TIMES. But I never did because…duh. Just thinking that God never gets to that point where He considers not saving us is hard to imagine but really nice to know!

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