He sighed from the depth of his spirit and said, "Why does this generation seek a sign? Amen, I say to you, no sign will be given to this generation." (Mark 8:12)
I am twenty-three years old. I am kneeling in a church in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I kinda half knelt, half laid on my face. Mass had ended. Everyone else had gone in peace. My face smushed the cold stones. I didn't say it, but I screamed it. Give me a sign, Lord. I am not leaving until I have it. My breakup was fresh, my ex strutting with a new girl on his arm, my upper lip couldn't remain stiff. I demanded a sign my life would still be good; I would somehow be happy; I would make someone a good wife.
But even if He had leaned down from that crucifix and whispered to me in no uncertain terms that I was better off this way, that my feeble heart would piece back into a better me, I would have doubted it. I would have searched and searched for ways to stay in my sinkhole. No sign would make me trust in my lovability. It took years to believe it. Years of trying and trying again.
Sisters, if you're drowning in lonely hormones, or the new semester is paralyzingly hard, or this new job is going to end in a ball of flames, and you are both asking for and scorning every sign that Jesus is your Lord and Savior, your font of Hope and Love, I've been there. Most of us have. He's not going to force us to believe Him. But He will crawl up that hill to Calvary and sweat blood out of love for you and me. Whether we can hear it or not, we are supremely lovable. Stop asking for a sign and start looking at the signs He has given again and again.
It's almost Lent. Can you stop thinking you're not worthy of love? If that's a cross for you, turn it over to Our Lord today. He can't wait for you to open your eyes and see His signs.
Nell O'Leary is a recovering lawyer who blogs, sews, and speaks while tending to her husband and four kiddos in the great city of Saint Paul, Minnesota. She serves as Managing Editor for Blessed is She and can down a iced chai tea latte in no time flat. Find out more about her here.