“Don’t rock the boat,” I thought to myself as I stared down at the powdery substance laid out before him on the dinner table. I knew it was wrong, but I had worked so hard to get to where I was. I had spent late nights and weekends working, determined to etch my name into payroll. And there I was, finally an official employee at a major music label. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to blend in. And so, with anxious silence clutching at my throat, I watched a man snort poison into his nostrils at a restaurant in the middle of Canada.
Fifteen years now reside between me and that moment. Fifteen years.
And I still think about it. I still remember the inner turmoil I felt as I battled between what I knew to be right and wrong. I still recall my intense desire to fit in. I still remember my complacency and the crippling fear that came with the simple idea of walking away.
I think we all face this in life—this longing to conform, to keep the boat steady when everything inside is screaming for you to tip the darn thing over.
Today’s Gospel is a sobering reminder of this.
“Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division” (Luke 12:51).
Our hearts yearn for something beyond this world, they sway with the movement of His love, but so often, our outward portrayal of our belief is stifled under the weight of the pressure to fit in. May we have the courage to live boldly for Him. May our lives dictate a Holy divide, and may we rock those boats when the boats need rocking.
Face what your fear is in not fitting in. If it's your friend group that isn't supportive of your Catholic lifestyle, maybe it's time for new friends. Let Our Lord speak to your heart on this!
Brittany Calavitta is an enthusiastic advocate for a good book, strong coffee, and a hopeful heart. After battling years of infertility, she and her husband welcomed their first child on September 11, 2016. You can find out more about her here.