Am I Limiting God?

“God forbid, Lord!” [ . . . ] “Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me!” // Matthew 16:22-23

My college roommate once wrote a paper about Jesus calling Peter “Satan.” Shocking words from the Lover of our souls. I cringed thinking about Peter being equated to the Evil One. That was part of the Gospel I opted to ignore; thinking about the next verses––and about how much I don’t want to carry my cross––instead.

I haven’t thought about it much since then, no matter how many times this Gospel is read at Mass.

But now it’s my assigned devotion day and the Holy Spirit has a word for me that I can’t ignore any more.

It’s me. I am the obstacle to God’s work in my life. The number of times I’ve cried in prayer, Lord, no. Jesus, this can’t be happening, are many.

I may as well echo Peter’s words: “God forbid!”

Jesus hasn’t called me out like He did to Peter, yet any time I choose my way over His, I may as well side with Satan. I once heard a priest say that we either choose God or “not God.” Every time I drag my feet to do His will or choose a task less important than what needs to be done, I choose “not God.” God cannot work in my life when I avoid His will. 

When I pay more attention to news headlines and other people’s lives captured in tiny squares before I check in with God, I leave little room for His Word to take root in my life. I’ve filled my mind with noise, instead of quieting it to listen to the Holy Spirit.

I am the obstacle. Until I surrender my pride and selfish will, Jesus’ action in my life is limited––by me. He won’t force me to follow Him, and He won’t force me to talk to Him. His omnipotence will never supersede my free will, precisely because He loves me so much. 

Your will, not mine, Lord. Reform my heart and my desires so that I am no longer an obstacle to Your loving work in my life. I want what You want for me, Lord. Increase my trust in Your plan.