In my former experience as a single woman within the Church, I often felt alone and misunderstood. Most articles I read and homilies I heard on the subject encouraged me to embrace the period, chase Christ with abandon, and use all my free time serving others and the Church. This advice seemed to indicate that if one is feeling unhappy or unfulfilled as a single, lay Catholic, it was because something is missing in that person’s relationship with Christ.
While this is not necessarily untrue, I believe that the perpetuation of that message leaves many people feeling—not inspired or encouraged—but disheartened and scolded. It fails to address the deep heartache and loneliness single Catholics often feel while discerning their vocations and looking for a spouse. Sometimes, it can be true, that being a single Christian person in this day and age is just plain difficult, no matter how whole or beautiful one’s relationship is with Christ.
Litany of Saints for Single People
Though I am now experiencing the difficulties that accompany the vocation of marriage and motherhood, my heart remembers the pain of my single years more vividly than I remember the pain of giving birth. It’s an ache that rises often, each time I see a single person by themselves at Mass or even when I see one of their posts on Instagram.
As a prayer and act of love for my single sisters (and brothers) in Christ, I put together this Litany of Saints for Single People in the hopes that it would bring comfort and peace to pining hearts throughout the Church.
Our Lady of Sorrows
If there is anyone who understands heartache—it’s this woman. She bore her heartache beautifully and perfectly. And while we may not be able to accomplish doing so in the same impeccable manner as she did, we can imitate her in standing at the foot of the Cross, waiting for an end to the pain.
Our Lady of the Smile
The story goes that Saint Therese was very sick and suffering greatly in bed, when she looked at a statue of Our Lady, asked for her help, and was surprised to see the statue smile and radiate kindness. Saint Therese was cured.
May Our Lady of the Smile intercede for those suffering greatly with the cross of singlehood and bring big smiles to all of our faces.
Saint Raphael
In the book of Tobit, it is the aide of Saint Raphael the Archangel that brings about the healing Sarah needs in order for her marriage to be successful. The archangel also stirs a sense of true masculinity within Tobias that helps to chase a lurking demon away. Because of this, there are many prayers and novenas to Saint Raphael which ask for his assistance in finding a holy spouse.
May he come to the aid of any and all who stumble upon this post.
Abraham, Father of Our Faith
In the book of Genesis, Abraham is concerned with finding a faithful wife for his beloved son, Isaac. Fearing that the local girls with different religious beliefs may lead his son astray, Abraham sends his servant on a journey to his kinsmen to search for a wife that would lead him closer to God. After a heartfelt and humble prayer, the servant crosses paths with a generous and God-fearing woman named Rebekah.
May Abraham be so concerned with us, his descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky, that he would also seek our faithful spouses and intercede on our behalf.
Isaac and Rebekah, Beloved Children of Abraham
It’s worth following up that story with the truth that Isaac and Rebekah had a good and loving marriage—with their wedding taking place in a field at sunset as if it was set in a Romantic Comedy!
May they pray for us that we would all find the joy and companionship that they found in each other.
Saint Joseph
The man from whom Jesus learned about sacrifice and masculinity. The man who loved his wife chastely and with his whole heart until his dying breath. The man who provided and protected for his little family with all his strength.
May Saint Joseph intercede for our future spouses, and teach us all to be ready for unexpected challenges when the events leading up to our marriage may not look the way we had always planned.
Saint Andrew
This Apostle is known as an incredible intercessor because he was the person who brought Peter to Jesus. His powerful novena invokes his aid in bringing those who pray it closer to Christ. Though the novena is typically said in December, I think the sentiment holds true all year round, especially in regards to finding a spouse!
May Saint Andrew help us all to find spouses that bring us deeper into relationship with Jesus.
Saint Christopher
Very little is known for certain about this early Christian martyr, but according to legend he was a huge man with a desire to serve the most powerful man he could find. After a stint serving a king, some thieves, and the devil himself, he found the most powerful person to be the Christ Child Whom he attempted to carry across a river. He served Him from that day forward.
Saint Christopher is also recognized as the patron Saint of bachelors, so perhaps he can play heavenly matchmaker while also interceding for us to always follow Christ.
Saint Agnes
There is an old tradition that developed in the Middle Ages where unmarried maidens would ask Saint Agnes for assistance in finding a spouse on the eve of her feast day. There’s a whole slew of outlandish rituals these girls would go through. While I don’t think they actually aid the cause, I’m certain Saint Agnes (who was martyred for refusing to marry the son of a Roman official) admires all women who want to hold their ground and keep their standards high!
Saint Anselm
It’s important, in the midst of all the waiting and seeking, that we not make an idol of the vocation of marriage. A prayer written by this Doctor of the Church is handy to repeat when we find ourselves slipping towards that idolization mindset.
May Saint Anselm’s intercession help to keep our desires for marriage ordered correctly!
Saint Therese of Lisieux
Waiting is one of the most difficult aspects of single life. It is tempting to despair, give up hope, and think that God does not desire our happiness, or even that he has forgotten about us. This beautiful prayer is attributed to Saint Therese and asks for peace when we are faced with such anxieties.
We pray this Doctor of the Church will intercede for our own peace of heart and mind as we wait in our longing.
Get your free printable of this Litany of Saints here!
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Saint Nicholas of Myra
Saint Nicholas was known for his love of secret gift giving. He also used his own wealth to finance the dowries of three poor sisters whose father was so desperate he was considering allowing his daughters to work as prostitutes. Saint Nicholas stopped them from making that rash decision out of desperation and guided them towards better paths.
May he also save us from situations where we single gals may be leaning towards compromising values we shouldn’t.
Saint Anthony of Padua
This heavenly fella is supposedly very good at locating things. Why not ask him to help us locate a spouse? Though a religious friar himself, he understands that longing to give of oneself to another. He even wrote a poem about it.
Saint Joseph Moscati
A brilliant, Italian physician who approached medicine with the goal of healing wounded souls and not just bodies, Saint Joseph Moscati was a single, lay man who lived during the early 1900s. His care for his patients went far above the standards—when Mt. Vesuvius erupted, he ran in and out of a nursing home, carrying patients to safety before the roof collapsed. His genius and charity attracted hundreds who wanted to learn from him.
Though he never married, he is known as a “miracle-worker” due to his powerful intercession in heaven—and sometimes it feels as though a miracle is needed to meet a good spouse in this day and age!
Saint Anne
There is a long standing tradition within our faith to call upon the mother of Mary for assistance in locating a good spouse. The line of thinking is that as she is the grandmother of Jesus, and mother of His mother, how could God refuse her? However, I think it’s good to ask for her intercession based on another reason. Saint Anne understands the heartache of waiting. Though happily married, she was barren for most of her life before the immaculate conception of Mary.
As a woman, mother, and grandmother, I suspect that Saint Anne is eager to help anyone whose heart is virtuously pining for something good.
Saint Dwynwen
A Welsh Saint who lived in the 5th century, Saint Dwynwen fell deeply in love with a man before her father promised her in marriage to someone else. According to legend, she begged God to help her forget her beloved as she was unable to function at the thought of not marrying him. God sent her help to forget him in a dream, and also granted her three wishes. She used one of them to ask that God would meet the hopes and dreams of true lovers. For this reason she is seen as the patron saint of lovers.
May she intercede us, that we may find the one our souls are meant to love!
Saint Gianna Beretta Molla
Saint Gianna did not meet her beloved husband, Pietro, at the typical, young age that most brides wed. In fact, she was thirty-two when they met and married. The letters they wrote to one another during their engagement are brimming with the love and joy that a soul can only feel when such lengthy longing is over.
May Saint Gianna help us to find the same bubbly joy she found “later” in life.
Closing Encouragement
It’s encouraging to think of so many heavenly allies reaching out to support us during the difficulty of living as single women. It’s uplifting to imagine them standing by our side, offering the simple companionship of a heart that knows our pain.
It’s lovely to think too, that perhaps one day, we will also join them. Our names will be added to a Litany of Saints, and fellow Christians on earth may cry to us in anguish, because they know we know their heartache. How lovely will it be to see a benefit of our waiting and suffering, and a way that others will receive grace because of it!
In the meantime, in the midst of our struggle, we invite you to download this free printable of the litany, that you may have a tangible reminder of the army of Saints you have fighting for you at your side. Be assured too, of prayers from the BIS Team for you!
Which Saint’s story resonated the most with you? Is there anyone you would add to the list?
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Lifelong single woman here, and I think this is well intentioned, but misses the mark.
I know that author means well, and says that marriage isn’t all sunshine. However, the choice of saints and the commentary assume that the single woman is desperately unhappy and that a spouse will solve this. All she has to do is pray to these saints.
What would be super helpful is if we could have a conversation about how marriage is not the goal of Christian existence. Getting to heaven is. And God wants you to get to Heaven, and it might just be that a spouse would stand between you and that goal.
I am so aware that God has protected me from marriage because the choices I was making would have destroyed me. There’s an excellent book called ‘Single For a Greater Purpose’ by Luanne Zerlo that is well worth recommending.
Hi Philippa!
Really good point! I am the author and as you mentioned, did have good intentions. I was writing from my own experience of singlehood, as well as the pain expressed by loved ones who are single. When I was single, I often felt like the advice given to single people did not address this pain And made me feel guilty or like a bad Catholic for feeling that way. This post was an attempt to help others with similar experiences know that this pain can be normal, and simply a part of the process. Maybe I could have been more specific in the title about that! Because as you said so beautifully, sometimes God is protecting us from marriage (as I know was the case with a couple of guys I dated as well).
Who else would you include in this litany to make it include a broader type of single person?
I get very frustrated that singles are perceived as “waiting” for a spouse. Are we not important to God and our Church as permanent single people ? This has been a long sorrow of mine. Feeling left out and marginalized for not being a married person. Activities for singles in the church always seems to focus on
meeting/ waiting for a spouse rather than who we are Christ and that we have a purpose that is honorable and beautiful in God. May St. Paul hep us to be seen as a blessing to the Church and not those set aside from the Church and it’s mission!??
HJ, I am truly so sorry for making you feel unseen! I know that feeling all too well… My experience of singlehood was actually the opposite of yours. Our events and outreach to singles didn’t focus on finding a spouse, in fact, it kind of condemned us for sometimes expressing a desire for marriage. I wrote this post from that perspective. But again, I am truly sorry for making you feel set aside, overlooked, misunderstood, or not a part of the Church’s mission! Obviously, not all single people will one day marry, and my post did not address that! Truly, truly sorry! You are valued and loved!
My lifelong (77) experience of singlehood with both single and married friends is this – if you have a vocation to the single life you don’t really consider marriage as a goal; as a possibility, maybe, but as something not quite…I think a genuine single vocation (including my own), is recognized slowly as the soul pulls away from the accepted social ideas which we absorb from secular culture merely by living in it. It is truly a mission to live out our Lady’s fiat and that of a lot of other people in our own world. I have also had friends who “got married finally” and have created really awful messes in the lives of innocent bystanders. Single life as a vocation IS NOT a good preparation for marriage.
I agree with Philippa and HJ that this article, though certainly well-intentioned, misses the mark. A better title for this blog post may have been, “A Litany of Saints for Those Seeking a Spouse” because the commentary for these saints is all about how they can intercede so you find a husband. I found that disappointing – rather than showing the
wide range of experiences a single person may have in the Church, the author seems to assume, perhaps based on her own experience, that all single people feel as though they are bearing a cross, and she wrote this post accordingly. I don’t necessarily think all single people feel that way, and I would have preferred to see different commentary for some of the Saints who remained single to better show the wide range of lives that a single person can have.
For example, with St. Joseph Moscati, the author qualifies that “though he never married, he’s…a miracle-worker…and sometimes it feels as though a miracle is needed to meet a good spouse…” I would have enjoyed reading something more like “even though he remained single and never married, he lived a full life dedicated to helping others”. I think that would would better demonstrate the life that someone who is single can have, if they so choose.
Furthermore, I take offense at this sentence in the third paragraph:
“It’s an ache that rises often, each time I see a single person by themselves at Mass or even when I see one of their posts on Instagram.”
I dislike the assumption here that single people are sad and/or lonely. That may be true for some people, but we aren’t able to see another person’s heart, and just because someone is at Mass by themselves or posts photo on social media w/o a significant other doesn’t necessarily mean that they are disheartened by their singleness. I’m in my mid-twenties, single, and go to Mass by myself pretty much every weekend and would hope that others at Mass wouldn’t judge me or pity me for being alone.
While I would love to be married and have children someday, I don’t sit around all day twiddling my thumbs and waiting for a spouse. I have a fulfilling job, wonderful family and friends, am involved with my parish and other groups, and I volunteer. Let’s not forget that life does not begin when you get married, and that you can have a fulfilling life while you are single. I wish the author would have accounted for others who may feel this way when writing this post.
We hope you have a chance to read her responses and are so sorry it didn’t resonate with you!
Thank you so much for composing this beautiful litany, Grace! The intercession of the saints is so powerful, and I’m grateful for this introduction to some of the more hidden members of the Church Triumphant. So timely in this season of life – Grateful for your composition of this lovely and much-needed post!
Thank you, thank you so much for the article and for the litany…
Whenever people say to singles who express their sadness, loneliness, frustration, or even anger with their experience in having immense difficulty looking for a good spouse to be happy being single and not complain, or work on your relationship with God or prayer life, it really does feel like scolding. It’s as if feeling these negative emotions is something wrong and we should always force a smile on our faces as singles and not feel any kind of loneliness whatsoever, or else something is wrong with you. If we are not allowed to be vulnerable and to say our true negative feelings, then how can we be truly authentic?
Among some of my experiences. There was a time I applied for a position and during the interview, the HR asked me, ‘Don’t you want to be married or have children?’ I felt sad because nothing could be further from the truth. I deeply desired being a wife and mom up to now. And some people think I am not trying hard enough to look for a spouse; this is also untrue, because I have been praying for more than a decade including various novenas up to now and also trying various avenues to look for a match.
I have been praying also that God remove my desire for marriage if He doesn’t want me to be married but yet the desires remains, so I continue praying and looking for a good spouse. This year, my prayer life has grown much and I’m thankful, but yes the desire remains. Am praying that in this month in honor of the Precious Blood, I finally start getting to know my future husband. And when I get married, I now attend Mass with my life partner instead of alone.
While I don’t think I’m lonely (sometimes I do feel lonely) and I cherish my moments alone being an introvert, God also said it’s not good for man to be alone. And I believe that.
The most hurtful thing is that the Catholic Church offers no hope to the permanently single and childless. The Church teaches that married parents can potentially bring all of their social treasure to heaven (assuming everyone in their family is saved), while the single and barren can just stay that way for all eternity——- and also, while all manner of earthly human affliction (poverty, illness, disability, etc) will be cured in heaven, the involuntarily single and childless have to bear that alienation forever. That’s the emotional and spiritual burden of permanently single and childless people (not the “hearts pining” for a white wedding on earth). The Church has no pastoral response for us, other than that we’d better learn to love our status because we’re going to be stuck with it.
We are so sorry this has been your experience in the Church. But the Church at large holds great value in both your mission and your suffering. God has a great plan for your life and you don’t carry your cross in vain. Know that you are in our prayers!