I sensed an emptiness inside that I couldn’t ignore. It was an emptiness that brought years of tears and heartache, an emptiness with a name. Infertility the doctors called it, but I just knew it as insufficiency. No matter how much my heart yearned or how loud my prayers roared, this big, giant lack hunted me down everywhere I went.
And for some time, it was all I could see. It crept in during celebrations and slipped down my cheeks when the tears couldn’t be quelled. It compelled me to try rogue diets and supplements and brought me to my knees when all hope seemed to wither under its weight.
But it also compelled me to pray. And most of the time it seemed just as crazy as the diets Google was always so pushy about. It was impossible, after all. We had spent nearly a decade with the emptiness, and I began to assume its permanent stake in our lives. The lack began to overcome my faith, and I began to doubt the possibility of miracles.
I am struck by the abundance in spite of the lack in today’s Gospel. “Five loaves and two fish” was all it took to feed thousands (Mark 6:38).
And I wonder, sister, what is the lack in your life? What is the deficiency you see that keeps you from believing in the abundance of Christ?
I don’t know where you are in your journey or whether the waves of doubt knock you over, too, but His heart is generous, dear sister. It is open and gentle and loving. And it is waiting to envelope you with His abundance. Lean on Him. He is sufficient for your every insufficiency.
He is sufficient for your every insufficiency. // @IamBritCalClick to tweet
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Brittany Calavitta is an enthusiastic advocate for a good book, strong coffee, and a hopeful heart. After battling years of infertility, she and her husband welcomed their first child on September 11, 2016. While balancing time between life with a preschooler and a husband who travels for ministry, Brittany dances professionally all over Southern California where her family currently resides. She was a contributing author to Here Too: Where We Find God and Made New: 52 Devotions for Catholic Women. Find out more about her here.
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