I Am Judas

I am Judas.

Holy Week brings me back to this reality every year. During this week, I come face-to-face once again with all the ways I betray my Lord and all the ways I fail and fall in loving Jesus Christ. I reflect in disbelief that Judas would sell Christ and betray Him so blatantly, but when I stop, and think, and reflect . . . I have sold out on Christ for far less than a few pieces of silver. There have been moments in my life when I sold out on Christ in a moment and without thinking twice.

I am Judas.

The strange thing I find, though, is that Judas and I have both seen the marvelous works of the Lord. We have felt the Lord's love and have seen the way He heals and have experienced His power and have seen His hand at work in our lives.

Yet we still put our hand in that dish.

There are many days when I knowingly betray the Christ who calls me loved and chosen and who blesses me in the most majestic of ways. I know what He has done for me, yet the list of ways I sell out is long. I consciously resort to gossip, or choose anger, or envy, or holding grudges, or obstinacy. I knowingly choose to turn toward sin and away from Christ, and I ponder this reading and I wonder how Christ could still love Judas and I wonder how He could still love me.

This Friday, I will remember that day Christ poured out mercy unimaginable as He walked the Via Dolorosa. As He walked, He showed His miraculous, divine love for Judas, and for me, and for you.

He knew that He would find my hand in that dish throughout my life.

He chose to free me even still.

May this week bring a deeper understanding of all the ways we betray Christ, and in our reflection on mercy may we allow this grace to rid our hearts of any desire to ever put our hand in that dish and turn away from our loving God.

Emily Wilson planned her whole life to become a sports reporter but turned out to be a Catholic musician and speaker at the hand of God. She lives out of her suitcase and travels across the world speaking to people of all ages. The heart of her ministry is offering encouragement to teen girls in search of their true identity, and she loves ever second of it. You can find out more about her here.