“Dang, she has great . . . That girl is the master at . . . I hate her.” I see one thing I think I want: a {more} beautiful house, great baking skills, better fitness. She has all of it. She has even what I didn’t know I wanted, but now I want it, and I like her all the less for it. Envy, thou art a foul beast. You turn me into a cold, coveting, ungrateful woman.
I assume that because she has that particular gift, I'm lacking. Instead of thanking God for my individual gifts, and using them, envy twists my sight and hardens my heart. Suddenly my own identity is warped by comparison, disregard for the beauty of God’s gifts to her and to me, and disdain. I find myself paralyzed by envy, which looks like fear and feelings of unworthiness.
Those feelings are evident when I catch myself saying in my head, oh, you shouldn’t try to write that book; she already wrote something like it, or you’re not a real artist because you use fonts and don’t hand-letter or watercolor paint your own designs, or you’ll make a fool out of yourself if you try to make the new woman feel at home. She’ll laugh at you or feel patronized by your attempts at friendship.
I think I know what it might have been like to be Joseph’s brothers, to feel less-than, unloved, dull, gift-less. To let those feelings cloud my mind, lose sight of the Father’s love, and diminish my unique gifts.
Joseph’s brothers hated him so much they faked his death and sold him into slavery. They hated how he was loved; they hated his gifts; and they couldn’t see past that ugly hate to know their own gifts and the truest love of the Father.
Envy and hate are straight from Hell. Satan does not want us to know God’s love, to recognize His unique gifts to each one of us, to praise Him for our own gifts and the gifts of our sisters. I want to fight back. Instead of envy, I will pray for the Spirit to increase my experience of the Father’s incredible love for me and for you, my sisters in faith. I want to recognize Him, and to appreciate the gifts we each have to share.
Take a look at what the Summa has to say about the Gifts of the Holy Spirit.
Gina Fensterer is a Colorado native at heart, but the West Coast beach life suits her just fine. She currently lives in small coastal area of California with her husband and six children. She loves the Jesus prayer, coffee at any time of day, homemade salsa, photography, and sleepy toddler snuggles. You can find out more about her here.
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