"Wait for the LORD with courage;
be stouthearted, and wait for the LORD" (Psalm 27:14).
Last month I waited on a cold ultrasound exam room table. I waited under a thin blanket over a thin open-in-the-front gown. My breath waited to be caught as the ultrasound tech ran the wand over my armpit, the cold wand up&down, left&right. The mammogram had already happened. After she finished and took the results to the radiologist, I ran through every possibility, every permutation of disease for lumps. My waiting eyes closed for the tears.
What I had neglected, and maybe we mostly do, was to wait for the Lord. Look for Him. Seek His will in all things, even this lumpy lump and cold waiting table. My waiting centered around my fears come true. My waiting was a closed circle of private pain.
Our Lord will enter into that pain with us, sisters. He waits to be invited in before radiating transforming love into our hearts. While His plan unfolds in the dark of our imaginations or the creases of our palms, courage guides our fears to simply rest in Him.
I always thought I should white-knuckle it through the scary parts of my life to prove to God I was a good daughter. Like I could pass the test of the uncertain with fortitude and resolve. Now I know He wants to be with me along the suffering road. He wants to be with you, too.
The tech returned after a long while and told me I was fine and could go. I left in a bit of an emotional hangover and uttered prayers of gratitude all the way through the parking ramp. I felt more stouthearted for the next valley of unknown, and maybe like waiting meant waiting with the Lord.
Here's a Saint who said she lived without courage, but we all know she did.
Nell O'Leary is a recovering lawyer turned blogger, speaker, and sewer of baby goods while tending to her husband and four kiddos in the great city of Saint Paul, Minnesota. She serves as Managing Editor for Blessed is She and can down a hot cocoa in no time flat. Find out more about her here. She is the editor of our Blessed Conversations Series and guide for the Gift of You course.