“There was a disciple in Damascus named Ananias, and the Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” He answered, “Here I am, Lord.” // Acts 9:10
In one breath we are so ready to place ourselves at the Lord’s disposal, eager to do whatever He asks, willing to offer Him our all. Then, with our next, after we hear what it is He wants, we question, doubt, and often shrink back from what He asks.
Here I am Lord . . . Wait, you want me to do what?! I cannot count the number of time’s I’ve had that reaction in dialogue with the Lord. It is so easy to say the words until He calls us to do, give, offer, suffer that thing. I don’t know what your thing is, but I’m pretty sure you have one. It is the sacrifice, act, call, whatever that you tell the Lord you’re willing to give, but deep down pray that He never asks it; then the day comes when He does.
Your thing might be little, like a particular sacrifice for an intention that stings more than expected, it might be reaching out to that person who makes you snap into a fight-or-flight mode at the mere mention of their name. It might be a little bigger, like stepping out of your comfort zone into a new career, taking the next step in a relationship, or responding to a vocation to religious life.
Whatever it is, big or small, we’ve all been there, feeling the anxiety and questions creep while our heartbeats quicken—and like Ananias we’ve searched for any excuse that would let us off the hook! (see Acts 9:13-14)
That fear does not come from the Lord, and He does not let our questioning and doubt have the final say. He is ever gentle, meeting us where we are and bringing us along to reveal that with Him we are capable of doing whatever it is He is asking of us.
Like He did for Ananias, He dispels our misconceptions, reveals His plan to us, and invites us, with His help to bring those plans to fruition.
Sister, where is God calling you to step out of comfort and doubt into fulfilling His plan for you and those you know and don’t know?
Sister Maria Fatima grew up in Rhode Island and entered the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist in 2005. She holds a MA in Theology from the Saint Paul Seminary School of Divinity. Sister is in her eleventh year of enlightening middle school minds and drawing hearts to Jesus while teaching religion and history. She currently resides at the motherhouse in Ann Arbor, MI, having previously taught in Texas, Florida, and Ohio. She is a contributing author to our Lent devotional All She Had.
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