Almost a year ago in late spring, I started having these feelings of panic that stemmed from a need to have my entire life planned out in front of me immediately.
I needed to know exactly where I was going to live, what my career was going to be, how much money I would have, what my body would look like, who my future spouse was going to be, who my friends would be, etc.
This wasn’t a vision board of exciting potentials but rather a control and fear-based campaign to force the unknown to be revealed to and approved by me.
By the end of summer, I realized that I needed to take deep breaths and pray more rather than worry. And yet the gnawing feeling of the unknown continuously crept into my everyday thoughts and left a trail of anxiety in its wake.
Despite my prayer being haggard, I refused to stop praying.
I’ve been in love with Jesus all of my life and have been an intentional disciple since I was sixteen. Even when I was wilding out as a young adult, I remained in love Him.
And like Martha standing outside the village boundaries with Jesus, my response to Him during times of tragedy, anxiety, confusion is to go deep within my soul and say, "But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You" (John 11:22). And, "I have come to believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, the one who is coming into the world" (John 11:27).
I believe in the unfailing, infinite love of Jesus that never fades. Even when I’m in the midst of it all, I know Him to be the lover of my soul Who weeps with me.
He is above our understanding, and yet He still simplified Himself to come to us as Man and weep. And He elevates us to share in the knowledge that He is the resurrection and the life. When it all seems too much, remember that He is God and He loves you.
Listen to this lenten hymn and let the lyrics sit deep within.
Chika Anyanwu is a Catholic evangelist based in Southern California and is also the author of My Encounter: How I Met Jesus In Prayer. Shehas a deep love for Jesus, loves her beautiful Nigerian family, and is a firm believer that if coffee is good, there’s no need for cream or sugar. Find out more here.