Earlier this year, I was feeling an intense sense of spiritual desolation. As of January 1st, I had set out to read more Scripture, pray my Rosary every day, and intentionally pray for my family and friends. With a prayer and devotional plan in place, I was off to a new year with a renewed enthusiasm for my relationship with God.
So imagine my chagrin when I suddenly stopped feeling God’s presence and hearing His voice. I persisted in my prayer routines and leaned into the silence. As I grappled with feeling helpless and lonely, I still knew that there were graces to be had in waiting for the eventual consolation.
When I went to the Blessed is She Restore retreat in Phoenix, I shared my feelings of desolation with a close friend. In her wisdom, she told me to keep waiting as there was sure to be consolation coming. The weekend was filled with fellowship, wisdom, and revelations, but still that ever-present silence from God.
But suddenly, it was as if I had emerged from underwater where the sound was muffled, to the clearest air and sky above. I could hear every sound on my heart, every breath, and most importantly, God’s clear voice telling me to seek Him in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
He revealed to me several past sins that I had emotionally and mentally repressed and was asking me to seek His full mercy. His clear voice was telling me to make things right with Him.
I walked out of the confessional feeling lighter than I ever have in my life for He is good and merciful. "Have mercy on me, O God, in your goodness; in the greatness of your compassion wipe out my offense" (Psalm 54:3-4).