I’ve been open about this before, and maybe it’s a tired old story, but I struggle a lot with doubt and dryness in my spiritual life. It can seem odd to some, discouraging to others, and baffling to the rest. How can you say you are a Christian and not be sure that you believe it at times? No one has directly asked me that, but I make a lot of assumptions about what people might think if they knew.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed by confidence in Him. But the truth is, most of the time I feel like I’m standing in the dark, reaching out waiting to see if something will reach across the void and assure me that I’m not alone. It can be a scary place sometimes. So what draws me back? Today’s psalm is one of my prayers:
“Make me understand the way of your precepts, and I will meditate on your wondrous deeds.”
Jesus, help me understand, because sometimes I just don’t.
“The way of truth I have chosen; I have set your ordinances before me.”
I choose you, Jesus. I choose You today, in this moment.
"Give me discernment, that I may observe your law and keep it with all my heart."
When I’ve mulled over all the options, I always come back to Your commandments.
“And I will keep your law continually, forever and ever”
Where else can I go, Lord? Your laws are truth.
Maybe you have been blessed with a faith that flows free and easy, and what a beautiful precious gift! Maybe you’re like me, and your faith life is a little drier, slower, rougher around the edges, but you keep coming back because something deep within you says this is where you need to be. Jesus said, "My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and act on it." (Luke 8:21)
I know that when I follow His commandments of love, I am in good company.
Are you in a place of dryness or darkness? You're not alone, Sister! Reach out to a friend or trusted priest. You don't have to face this by yourself.
Jacqueline Skemp is a daughter, sister, wife, and mother who endures living in Minnesota after leaving California for her one true love. You can find out more about her here.