"Pray about it," my husband would say in an almost robotic sort of tone. It was his go-to when he had no answer. And my go-to response was a flippant, "Okay!" as my eyes rolled in deep-seated cynicism.
I didn’t want a skeptic’s heart, but I had one. Because when you’ve stared at negative pregnancy tests for nine years of your marriage, I guess you start to doubt. And that’s precisely what happened. I doubted my way through the "it’ll happen when it’s time" comments. I doubted my way through the "miracles occur" pleasantries. I even doubted my way through the Jeremiah 29:11 promise I often read to myself when the ache in my heart got to be too heavy.
Because when it came right down to it, I didn’t believe that God was Who He says. I didn’t believe that He could, or would, perform miracles. Doubt seeped its way into even my most secure defenses.
It’s alarming how easily doubt can undermine your trust, how it can take the rudimentary parts of your faith and turn it into something you no longer recognize.
When I read today’s Gospel, I see that human inclination to doubt so prevalently. Upon the miracle performed, "Some of [the witnesses] said, 'By the power of Beelzebul, the prince of demons, he drives out demons.' Others, to test him, asked him for a sign from heaven." (Luke 11:15-16)
And who can blame them? I mean, healing a deaf person does seem pretty impossible, but finally seeing a positive pregnancy test after nine years of negatives also seemed quite impossible. But our God, He is the God of the impossible, for it is written that “nothing will be impossible for God.” (Luke 1:37)
Believe it, dear sisters, for He makes all things new.
Brittany Calavitta is an enthusiastic advocate for a good book, strong coffee, and a hopeful heart. After battling years of infertility, she and her husband welcomed their first child on September 11, 2016. You can find out more about her here.