Teary-eyed and discouraged I sat in the office of my spiritual director, mulling over a sin that I had confessed a few years previous. I knew that I had been forgiven, but the memory of it now came needling back at me:
"How could I have not seen how painful that choice would be?"
"Had God really forgiven me?"
"The whole thing just seems so . . . unforgivable."
Through my tears I caught the gaze of my spiritual director. He pulled a tissue from the box between us, handed it to me, and looked on me with the love and compassion of any good spiritual father.
"You've already been forgiven," he said. "But sometimes we can use these opportunities to discover again the Lord's mercy. Go to Him in Adoration. Offer Him, one more time, your contrite heart. Ask Him to flood it with His mercy."
Sisters, the Jews in today's First Reading knew (just like my trusted spiritual director knew) that nothing could be lost and everything could be gained by seeking the Lord's forgiveness in sincerity. (See Joel 1:13-15.) Even if we've confessed a particular sin, and even if we know in our heads that we're forgiven, there is still a beautiful opportunity to seek His merciful heart once more.
Do your heart still ache from a past sin? Remember these wise words:
Go to Him in Adoration.
Offer Him, one more time, your contrite heart.
And ask Him to flood it with His mercy.
Like any good father, Our Lord is there to remind our forgetful hearts that we are always loved, always cherished, and always forgiven.
Did you catch this BiS blog post on finding a spiritual director?
Karen Schultz hails from the Land of 10,000 lakes, where she is often found in or near one of them. As a doula, lactation educator, and FertilityCare Practitioner, she finds joy in helping women to embrace the gift of their bodies. Downtime is found in quiet adoration chapels, farmers markets and gardens, listening to bluegrass music, and embracing the diversity of Minnesota’s seasons. She is a contributing author to our Works of Mercy Study: Misericordia and to our Advent devotional book, All the Generations. You can find out more about her here.