Tomorrow evening starts the Easter Triduum, which is considered the summit of the Liturgical Year. For some of us, we feel hope as we glimpse the finish line of a fruitful Lent. For others of us, we experience a wave of defeat because Lent is almost over and we are so far from the expectations we were enthused on Ash Wednesday.
This morning I was feeling something was off inside of me. When I read Jesus’ words in today’s Gospel, “One of you will betray me,” I instinctively reacted like the Apostles saying, "Surely it is not I, Lord?" But as I looked inside my heart, I could feel that my heart was cooled. From the outside, I may have looked like I was doing all the right things, but inside there was a disconnection. I was going through the motions, but it wasn’t reaching my heart.
Frustrated, I went to the Adoration chapel and knelt before Jesus and turned inward. I could see all the little betrayals I had been ignoring. I could see all the little things that had been crowding Jesus out of my heart.
I cried and apologized to Jesus. Instead of rebuking me, I felt Him look at me tenderly and ask, “Why have you waited so long to bare my soul to Me? Why do you doubt my love?” With that, the wall had been broken, and I felt reconnected with Our Lord once again.
If you are feeling the same and want to hashtag the last forty days as a #lentenfail, it’s not too late to reconnect with Our Lord. Pour your heart out to Him. Bare your soul. Leave nothing back.
Let Jesus hold you close and lean into Him. He understands your weakness and wants to wipe your tears and lift you back up.
In turn, don’t let Jesus walk these next few days alone. Kneel with Him in the garden, stand by Him when His friends run, carry the cross with Him, and weep at His nailed feet. Show Him that you don’t want to betray His love. Instead, walk the road to Calvary with Him and bring comfort to His Sacred Heart.
Do you feel like you’ve failed Lent? Or is there something you have not done well this Lent? Spend time alone with God and speak to Him about it. Then ask for His grace to make the most of these last days of Lent.
Bobbi Rol is a wife, a mama of four and a blogger learning to love God in the midst of dishes, laundry and swinging light sabers. You can find out more about her here.