“Thus says the Lord: Say to those whose hearts are frightened: Be strong, fear not!” (Isaiah 35:4)
The moment I read those words, tears began to fall. I needed to hear that. These last few weeks, my heart has been heavy because my mom’s cancer came back. When I heard the news, it hit me hard. Normally, I cry, grieve, and then I'm okay again. This time, I randomly broke out in tears for days.
We canceled our annual summer trip and planned to go to my parents instead and throw a big birthday party for my mom. I tried to psych myself up for it, but everything in me rebelled and I didn’t want to go. I didn’t know why I was feeling this way and begged God to take those feelings from me. But He didn’t.
During the drive to my mom's, I fell into sobs. I didn’t want to see my mom sick. I didn’t want to face the fact that she could die. The heaviness remained and I just keep pleading with God to help me accept her illness.
Finally, after my mom’s party and seeing her happy and surrounded by so much love, the heaviness passed and peace came. I knew Our Lord would strengthen my mom and take care of her. I knew He would provide me the strength I needed to help her and to accept His will.
This morning I got the news that my mom’s cancer is much worse than we thought, and the prognosis wasn't good, but I didn’t break down this time. God’s peace was immediate and my heart is trusting that He will hold her close and provide for her.
Sometimes God’s answers are so instantaneous that it’s like a little miracle. But sometimes prayers are not answered right away and we struggle under the weight of our cross. I don’t know why it took so long for the fear to subside and for the weight to be lifted the first time. Looking back, I think God was stretching me and teaching me how to believe and trust even when all my emotions wanted to do otherwise. He was reminding me that, as long and dark as the night may seem, the light of the morning sun will always shine once again.
If you are carrying a cross, lean on Christ, even if it feels like relief is slow in coming. He will not abandon you.
Bobbi Rol is a wife, mama and blogger living on the Monterey Bay in CA with her husband, teen daughter, and three rambunctious boys. When she is not dodging light sabers or stepping on Legos, she can be found outside with her family, catching a late night movie, or decorating her planner. You can find out more about her here.