A couple of months ago, I received word that someone I love dearly was in the hospital. It was midday when I got the news, and I was working. I couldn’t digest everything at that moment.
I hung up the phone, wiped a few tears, and got back to work.
I do that, don’t I? Get back to work. Because life doesn’t stop and schedules don’t stop and to-do lists don’t stop and kids are always hungry and there is always an email to answer and patient charts to finish and laundry to do and the list goes on and on.
Tragedy strikes and I get back to work. Kids don’t sleep and I get back to work. Viruses hit and I get back to work. Working is what I’m good at. In the hive, I’d be top worker bee.
But stopping? Nope, not gonna do it. That’s where silence is. That’s where thoughts creep in. That’s where hearts burst open and emotions are raked across the coals. And that’s where I can hear God’s voice.
Later that evening, I was taking a shower. And that’s when the crying came.
"He will come to us like the rain, like spring rain that waters the earth." (Hosea 6:3)
It came and words spilled forth from the very bottom of me.
“Please, please God, please save her, please, PLEASE.”
Over and over I begged and cried and under the stream of the hot water I felt His mercy. When I finally had released all my defenses, I let Him in. He was waiting for me.
He wants me. He loves me. And I finally realized it, after a good cry in the shower.
Are you clinging tightly in order to keep on going? Let your defenses down and God's love wash over you like rain. He is patiently waiting.
Samantha Aguinaldo-Wetterholm is a wife to Paul, mom to two little ones, and practices dentistry at a public health community center for low income families in the Bay Area, California. She (unashamedly) thinks ice cream is its own food group, loves anything Harry Potter, does not leave the house without wearing sparkly earrings, and is an enthusiastic proponent of the Oxford comma. Find out more about her here.