Growing up with five siblings, I always envisioned raising a large family of my own. I pictured myself like my grandmother, surrounded by a dozen children and finding my vocation and joy in serving the little hands and hearts that would fill my home.
Yet the reality of my life is much different. My husband and I have experienced secondary infertility for the past six years. I encountered every emotion possible as I mourned the loss of my dream of a large family. Over the past six years, there were many moments when I grieved the physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental suffering that comes with infertility. I have also lamented over my family’s future, especially when I am asked when my son will “get a sibling” by curious family, friends, and strangers.
In a breakthrough of God’s grace, I found peace and even joy through remaining with Jesus in the present moment of suffering. When I started praying for God’s perfect will to be done in my life instead of simply praying “for another baby,” peace and joy arrived.
There is freedom in that prayer. It compels me to absolute trust in His perfect will and the acknowledgement that His will for my life is what I truly desire, even more than a child. Painful at moments? Yes. Challenging? Absolutely. But knowing that even though I don’t have a child remaining in me, I do have the King of my heart remaining in me (see John 15:4). This is a life-giving reality.
Though you may not experience secondary infertility, you may have experienced the mourning of a loss of a dream. Are you still clinging to that dream? I encourage you to surrender that dream over to Him. Give Him your broken heart, too. He wants it and only He can make it whole.
Begin praying for His perfect will to be done in your life and you will find that His plan is better than any dream you could ever imagine.
// What dreams have you had to surrender to the Lord?
// How did handing them over give you the freedom to move forward in peace?
P.S. Grab this free wallpaper for your phone or computer to remind you of your focus during this summer series (and beyond)!