Cycle tracking. Fertility awareness. Cycle charting. Fertility Awareness Methods. Natural Family Planning. Fertility tracking.
All of these terms seem to get mixed and mingled in many conversations online and in-person, but do we really know what they mean? Furthermore, do we understand the power that exists within tracking our fertility and understanding the gift of our bodies as women?
Womanly Wisdom
The Catholic Church teaches Natural Family Planning (NFP) as the opportunity for married couples to live out the science of fertility awareness along with the integration of Theology of the Body. As single women, women more often hear this termed as Fertility Awareness (FA), but both definitions encompass what the Catholic Church embraces and proclaims: the goodness of women’s bodies and their fertility.
Contrary to popular belief, the Catholic Church does not value women merely because of their reproductive organs. But, can’t we all acknowledge just how amazing it is that women have the ability to create life and be co-authors of such a magnificent job?
The Church Celebrates the Feminine Genius
The Catholic Church embraces and celebrates the feminine genius, meaning that women are multi-faceted individuals who contribute to all aspects of life. The core of our motherhood—be it physical or spiritual—is what sets us a part to love and nurture those around us.
How does fertility awareness tie into this?
The Catholic Church embraces and celebrates the feminine genius, meaning that women are multi-faceted individuals who contribute to all aspects of life. #BISblog // Click To TweetThe Heart of Who We Are
Fertility awareness is the practice of charting your cycle to learn the fluctuations of your hormones, identify the different phases within your cycle, and maximize workouts, work, mental, and emotional health through the knowledge of your cycle.
This practice, while deeply rooted in scientific methodology and effectiveness, is also spiritual because it gets to the heart of who we are as women and an aspect of ourselves we are so frequently told to cut-off from every other part of our lives.
Your body, your fertility, and your period are good and were made good by God. When we honor how our bodies work and learn how our bodies work—whether married or single—we honor our very own feminine genius.
The body, and it alone, is capable of making visible what is invisible: the spiritual and the divine. // Pope Saint John Paul II, TOB February 20th, 1980
We are not merely physical beings or only spiritual beings, but rather we live in the tension of this integrated reality as human beings. It is utterly beautiful and can sometimes be the source of some of our biggest crosses. But, in the process of learning and understanding our bodies, we come to lean into this integration more fully and recognize the unique genius God has endowed to women alone.
Your Unique Data
If you struggle with loving your body, have never thought about tracking your cycle, or wondering if painful periods will always be a part of your life, I encourage you to lean into the beautiful way you are created by using the tools available to learn you! The power of your body’s data tells a unique story that is specific to you and the care you receive should be tailored to who you are and how your body works.
This is the beauty of living an integrated life as Catholic women and honoring our bodies. We are able to lean into our uniqueness and more fully embrace our very own feminine genius that we are called to contribute to the world.
How has fertility awareness helped you understand your role and call as a woman?
Fertility Awareness and the Feminine Genius #BISblog // Click To Tweet
Bridget Busacker is founder of Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of fertility awareness resources for women and couples. She is on a mission to fuse the science of Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) and Theology of the Body (TOB) into the everyday practice of NFP. Bridget is passionate about women’s health and sex education that promotes the dignity of the human person by integrating a holistic approach to self-knowledge of the body.
As a NFP instructor, one of the most beautiful parts of NFP is how it teaches young women not to be afraid of their fertility. I think of NFP as unlearning or detoxing from the contraceptive mentality. Many of our young women have been sexually active and on birth control. Trying NFP and embracing abstinence for a period prior to marriage is a way for some of these women to recommit to the faith. For many of them at first even the idea of having sex without a pill or rubber barrier to make it “safe” is truly terrifying. Over time they adjust to the idea that they don’t need “protection” from their husband’s seed. Still, it often takes some coaxing and patience to get them to the point where they are truly freed from the anxiety of being “safe” with marital intimacy. By being very patient and getting to know my students, I have been able to convince almost all of them eventually to get relaxed enough about charting and “bending the rules” and taking a “cheat day” as a reward “just this once” that eventually they experience the joy and blessings of procreative sex. It always warms my heart when a student asks me to “double check” her chart because it’s their anniversary or his birthday, and it’s super obvious that it’s perfect timing to start a family or add another little brother or sister, but they really need and want permission from me. I always tell them “It’s a little risky” and then find some way to squint at their chart and find something that points the other way, too. That always leads to my favorite question, “What would you do?” Well, I have six kids, so I know exactly what I’d do! At that point my work is usually done. Even if she doesn’t catch that month, it’s usually just a matter of time.
This is so sweet! I love working with the super serious, ernest young women who are sooo motivated to delay for “at least three or four years” to “focus on my career” or “enjoy being married without children” or “to have fun traveling and seeing the world.” They are so appreciative of getting to work one on one, and I am so appreciative of the chance to help. 😉
I always keep notes of birthdays, anniversary, upcoming vacations, etc., to praise them for being wayyy more careful than they need to be and keep reminding them that most women aren’t nearly so disciplined by while making sure we chart some very, very long abstinence windows. I mean she’s telling me she wants to be super careful, so I am going to go for that until she’s ready to start being less cautious, and well, once she’s open to intimacy on potentially fertile days, that sounds a lot like TTC to me. I have yet to meet a TTA newlywed who can’t be persuaded within one year to “take a little risk” that really is perfectly timed to start their family. They are sooo cute when they show you their chart and they DDT’d one day before what turned out to be an unmistakeable peak, and they want to know how soon a pregnancy test might work. That combination of nerves and anticipation of parenthood is so sweet!!!
❤️ this —
“Once she’s open to intimacy on potentially fertile days, that sounds a lot like TTC to me.” Respecting a couple’s intention is more nuanced than just whether they say we’re TTA or we’re TTC. You have to look at when they’re being intimate on their chart to understand and honor their intent about whether they’re really truly TTA. Once I see a couple starting to take some chances, then of course I am going to respect that choice and help them chart a fertile window that’s a lot different than I would with a couple who has a clearly discerned and valid reason to avoid pregnancy. If the couple’s chart shows that they are open to NFP “lite” then that’s what I will give them, and I am not going to put them on the spot by having a discussion about it or questioning them about their intention. I’m just going with the flow and help them have some fun.
The lady who trained me to be a NFP teacher forwarded to me and a bunch of us the link to this page, and it started a good discussion about what a couple’s intention really means. We all agreed that, just being honest, we’re a lot more careful with a couple who have a really good reason to abstain, and for couples who don’t have a good reason to TTA, well … their charts end up looking different. I will say that we all agreed that it is really important to introduce early the idea that it is okay and perfectly normal and healthy to decide to be intimate when your chart says you maybe shouldn’t and sometimes even when your chart says you definitely shouldn’t and that’s just real life in a healthy, happy marriage. And I know some of the ladies here say they don’t comment when they see that happen on a chart, but it really depends on the couple. I’ve had some where all it took was for me to reassure the wife the first time that it was okay and all of us do the same thing and wow, they were like rabbits after that and pregnant two cycles later. Others you just make a mental note without discussing. That’s part of why our parish limits the student to instructor ratio. It really pays to take time to get to know your couples.
I am always struck by how a student who is supposed to be TTA but thinks she might be pregnant because her period is late is usually so disappointed when she gets her period and realizes she’s not. It makes me so sad! When I see that happen, I have to admit I have a few times picked up my fairy godmother magic wand to sprinkle some baby dust on her. It’s amazing how a chart changes with a little magic baby dust!!!
Your comments are the same as my experience teaching NFP. Our parish is suburban and affluent, and it is very rare that I have a couple for whom a large family would be anything but a blessing. For me, NFP is about opening their hearts to a baby. One thing I do is get my students to chart their libido daily as an additional line on their chart. That means they actually have to think about and quantify how strong their desire is during their fertile window. It’s a great way to encourage baby-making!
One of my friends saw this and forwarded the link to our little circle of NFP teachers we know. We’ve had a serious case of the giggles all day today about NFP “cheat days.” We’d never heard that before, but we love it!!!! I’ve already had a little chat today with one of my girls about how she and her husband have just earned a cheat day as their reward for being so careful. It was obviously exactly what she wanted to hear, so after six months of diligently abstaining, all I had to say is “you deserve a night off” to convince her to go baby dancing!!!
I love the “cheat day” idea. I’m thinking about adding a cheat day row on the charts I make. But I can do better than just a cheat day. I once about ten years ago had a young wife who went on her first vacation with hubby since their honeymoon and left her thermometer and chart at home. She was really flustered when she called me and almost about to cry. She couldn’t even remember what day it was in her cycle. I told her to put her husband on the phone. I told him that I was about 99% sure she was wanting to surprise him by making their vacation a baby moon and had just gotten a little case of the nerves. Hang up the phone, put your arms around her, tell her you love her, and then you know what comes next. He laughed and said yes ma’am I’m sure I do.
To this day I have no idea whether the idea of a baby moon had ever even crossed her mind. But they were on vacation for a week. And a baby moon is exactly what it turned out to be!
The link to this page has been making the rounds. I got it from three different NFP teachers! Your comments really made me smile❤️💕💕 Watching a student who has been seriously committed to TTA (and I am excluding here of course the women who have serious health issues or couples under real financial strain) start to dip her toes into sex on “maybe a baby” days and then giving her the affirmation and positive feedback she needs to fall pregnant is a truly special experience. But the idea of ”rewarding” students who say they are supposedly still TTA with cheat days as a cute way to encourage baby-making, wow I had never thought of that!!!
A friend sent this to me. Wonderful!!! NFP means rejecting the contraceptive mindset. You are so, so true in what you write!!!
What I find useful is after the first six months of charting, I do 60 day follow ups for the rest of the first year and 90 day follow ups the second year. The first six months is all about the method and the rules, but after that the follow ups are about making NFP work for the couple instead of making the couple work for NFP. The science of NFP makes us forget sometimes that the decision to DDT near expected ovulation can be spontaneous and doesn’t have to be planned and rational. Some couples have a really hard time “officially” going from TTA to TTC. They don’t want to plan a pregnancy. And that’s all okay. I will support that by telling them that it’s okay. If a couple want to say they’re TTA but don’t want to follow the method rules all of the time, then of course I am not going to give them a lecture about how they’re not following the rules. That’s just their path to starting a family.
All very true and very well said. I am so glad a friend forwarded this to me. Here is how I try to make sure I give advice that matches what the couple really wants to hear from me. If they are really serious about avoiding for an important reason, then I am with them every step of the way. If they are just like, “we’re not sure we’re ready,” but don’t seem super motivated to avoid, then I am with them there too. If a couple in the second category wants help charting, I make her take the lead and tell me what she thinks her chart shows, and just say yes to whatever she thinks unless I think she’s messing up and is being more cautious than the level of risk I think they’d be happier with, and then I’ll give a little input to make sure they’re taking The same level of risk that I think they want to take. I want what they want, right? 🤷♀️ I mean, I don’t want to interfere once they start taking some chances if that’s what they want to do so I just go with the flow. If she says she thinks she can somehow look and chart and for reasons I don’t understand think she’s three days past ovulation and that seems safe to her, then to me if that’s what she wants to see, then fine with me. I just give a smile and say “sounds like somebody wants to have some fun tonight. Go for it sweetheart.” I mean why not, who am I to get in the way?
This is why I don’t like FemTech! It’s so much harder for a couple to do something spontaneous when there’s a machine with a blinking light by the bed telling them to stop. Yuck! Charting opens a lot more possibilities.
My personal rule as a NFP teacher is that if a couple is healthy and financially stable and the wife is under 35, then any attempt to avoid for more than 18 months is contraception that goes against what the Church teaches. So “good enough” to delay for “maybe” a year or so is the most I’m willing to teach. I use my own materials for symptothermal and refuse to teach Marquette because I think that level of accuracy for most couples is just wrong and leads to grave sin. Using a method that is more than about 75% effective without a reallly good reason is not being open to life.
I’ve had a few situations where our priest actually sends former students back to me because he thinks either the husband or the wife is being too strict about NFP and falling into sin. He’s not shy about telling me straight out (privately of course) that abstaining is putting a strain on their marriage and that I need to help them chart to increase the frequency of their intimacy and not to worry about being perfect. He usually follows that with a big wink.
As several have noted this post and comments are making the rounds among us NFP instructors and getting a lot of knowing smiles and giggles. Convincing a couple who say they’re TTA’ing instead to try to conceive just by calling it a “cheat day” is priceless. I love it!!!!! That something so simple is enough to get a couple to do the opposite of their stated intention really goes to show how important it is not to get too hung up on what they say their intention is and instead focus on what their chart actually shows. I don’t need to have a whole long conversation about it when I see on her chart a night of intimacy that is obviously inside her fertile widow. We both know what her chart shows, and if it makes her feel better to go through the motions of charting and still call it TTA, then I am happy to play along and pretend too. It’s just easier for some couples that way.
It is so true that so many times what couples tell me is not an authentic expression of their real intention. But the activity on their chart does not lie. My rule is if I see a couple break the rules three times, then I know they aren’t really trying to delay, so I take the same approach and look at their charts with the same attitude and err on the side of more sex and less abstaining. .
We call it “TTA lite” when a couple starts taking some risks with the rules. It’s an entirely appropriate intention that works for many couples who have a hard time saying we’re officially trying to conceive. The last thing you want to do with those couples is actually engage in a discussion about going “lite.” I know when they’re ready without making them say it out loud. I just quietly start to chart “lite” (with a big dose of creativity sometimes 😉) to help them conceive without making a big deal about it and causing them any unnecessary stage fright. I like to say it’s like getting them relaxed by telling them it’s just a dress rehearsal when it’s really opening night.
A serious case of the giggles indeed! I couldn’t resist trying this for myself, so I suggested taking a “cheat day” today to a student who was telling me she was frustrated by the burden of abstaining. I got so tickled I couldn’t stop laughing. We’re working by email so it was okay, and she and her husband are a cute couple long overdue for their first visit from the stork, so it’s all really sweet and completely innocent fun, but still it’s hard for me not to laugh out loud when I realize that this actually seems like it’s going to work. I mean she’s at her third day of EWCM and recorded today what sure looks like a temperature spike right on schedule, and tonight at my suggestion she’s going to “forget what your chart says” and “take a night off from NFP” because “that’s what cheat days are about” and “everybody does it.” I still can’t believe it was that easy. For one night at least they are TTC!
I got the link to this page from six different ladies. Love it!!❤️❤️❤️❤️ One more tip to share. I encourage all my couples to chart on Google drive. Since COVID especially just about all of them do that now. It allows me to keep an eye on their charts whenever I want to without bothering them and comment directly on the chart and every now and then tweak what she’s recording on the chart a little to make it easier for them to see what’s going on. Just a little bump up or down on temperature can make things a lot more clear sometimes so the couple can confirm ovulation as early as possible. Sometimes couples need a little help not going overboard about abstaining, so for them I try to keep the fertile cycle as short as I can by keeping the chart as clear as possible.
It has been super helpful to read these comments that put in words so well my own experience teaching NFP. Contraception is so deeply stuck in our world now that it is really hard for a husband and wife not to fall into the trap of thinking that it’s irresponsible to start a family until they’re 100% sure they’re ready. Does anyone ever think they’re 100% ready? So what I try to do to help is start them off with charting a really long fertile window and tell them I want to include any day where there is any chance but the days at the beginning and end are probably safe. I So right off the bat we have them being intimate in a theoretical fertile window and thinking they’re having some chance of pregnancy when they’re intimate. Once they get used to idea of regularly having sex on “low risk but some risk days,” then we start scaling back on the days because we have more months of charting, and I change my charting strategy to start distinguishing between maybe fertile and probably fertile. I try to keep the “maybe” really broad and the “probably” as short as possible, usually only three or four days. That really helps a lot with couples who can’t get over the idea that they shouldn’t conceive until they’re 100% sure they’re ready.