But let your “Yes” mean “Yes” and your “No” mean “No,” that you may not incur condemnation. // James 5:12
I could feel the people-pleaser in me begin to bellow deep within. It was a slow groan at first, starting with a tightening of the chest before its quick release shot through my mouth.
“Yes,” I blurted out to her. “I will help you with your meeting.”
Her face softened and her shoulders relaxed. It was a meeting to determine the fate of a program she wanted to start, and my presence seemed to satisfy a bit of her anxiety. The only problem was that this commitment simultaneously provoked a bit of my anxiety.
Immediately after my yes, the mental gymnastics began. I glanced down at my calendar to see the two other yeses I had committed to on the day of the meeting. I began trimming—allocating some of my time here and some of my time there, and some of my time squished in between the two.
In the end, all of the yeses I had committed to became frail and devoid of the support I had promised. Each yes led to an unanticipated no—a no to my time, sanity, and full support.
People-pleasing is something I continually struggle with, and if I am not careful, the yeses begin to build up until I am left fragmented and frazzled.
Today’s first reading is a beautiful reminder of how we are called to live with one another: “But let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ mean ‘No’” (James 5:12).
I wonder, dear sister, if you struggle with the same thing, if your need to please regularly inhibits the commitments you’ve made in your life. If so, I invite you back to today’s First Reading; walk through your commitments with the Lord, asking Him to show you where your yeses and nos should be.
More often than not, a firm no can be so much better than a watered-down yes. May the people-pleaser in us all take refuge in that truth.
Brittany Calavitta est une ardente défenseure d'un bon livre, d'un café fort et d'un cœur plein d'espoir. Après avoir lutté contre des années d'infertilité, elle et son mari ont accueilli leur premier enfant le 11 septembre 2016. Tout en équilibrant le temps entre la vie avec un enfant d'âge préscolaire et un mari qui voyage pour le ministère, Brittany danse professionnellement dans tout le sud de la Californie où sa famille réside actuellement. Elle a contribué à Here Too: Where We Find God and Made New: 52 Devotions for Catholic Women . En savoir plus sur elle ici .
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