Unrequited Friendships = Increasing Love of Neighbor

Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.  //  Matthew 5:23-24

I walked into the restaurant eager to catch up with my dear friend for breakfast. I walked by a table filled with familiar faces—friends I once spent time with regularly in another season of life. Some were friends for whom I had thrown baby showers, dropped off coffee on the porch, or enjoyed countless play dates. 

As I joined my friend, I couldn’t shake that feeling of awkwardness of running into people you once knew intimately and no longer know well. Sipping my warm cappuccino, I felt the foam touch my nose. I rubbed it off and caught myself looking past my friend’s shoulder at the other table. A thunderous laughter erupted from them, distracting me from my meaningful conversation, which made me wonder why those other friendships were left unrequited and unfulfilled.  

“Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24). 

I used to think that a worthy gift at the altar meant knowing where I stood in all of my relationships. Yet not every fizzled-out-friendship merits an explanation, reason, or apology. There is no ill will or resentment between you. Sometimes reconciling means simply loving someone else despite not having reasonable answers for why the relationship or friendship didn’t endure. 

As my friend and I got up to leave, I smiled and gestured goodbye to my past friendship table. 

Today’s Gospel proclamation, “I give you a new commandment: love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34), reminds us that reconciliation and love complement each other, even if it can only happen within one’s own heart.

Our unrequited relationships offer us the opportunity to follow this new commandment, to ask ourselves if it is about us or the other person. 

Sister, bring these relationships to the altar of the Lord, offering thanksgiving for the relationships you once had, and gratitude for the ones you have now.