Sometimes in the Darkness, Never Alone

“But I am not alone, because the Father is with me.” // John 16:32

These words of Jesus have become an anchor for my life. As a single woman, I spend a lot of time alone in solitude and silence. My life might appear lonely and unattractive in the eyes of the world, but I do not feel alone. I know that the Holy Trinity dwells within me and is calling me right now to a contemplative life. It is a unique vocation that is surprisingly joyful. I truly love my life.

I do not think that my freshman-year-in-college self would have believed that my future self could be happily living alone in an artist loft after six years of community life in a convent. I do not think that she could imagine the freedom I experience in being attentive to the Holy Spirit and radically available to be poured out in love to the needs that arise in my family, friends, and parish. I also think that she would be surprised to see how the solitude that God is calling me is a place of deep union with Him and a school of profound dependence on His Providence.

It has taken me several years to come to this place of peace in the Father’s will. My life has zigzagged all over the place. I have struggled through many troubles, fears, and lies. There have been some very dark moments of discouragement and confusion. But even in the midst of this darkness, Jesus was my light. I knew His presence, especially in the Sacraments. I experienced His faithfulness. Christ was gentle and patient as I learned to trust the Father more and more. I still have a lot to learn, but it is so helpful to be reminded of Jesus’ words: “I am not alone, because the Father is with me.”

Do you know this truth today?