Confession. When I made my first Confession, I cried. I could barely get through it. Almost 25 years later, I still cry as I confess my sins to the priest. It is that feeling of disappointing someone; and it's not just anyone, it's God. I am so ashamed of the sins I have committed. I'm frustrated with myself that I continue to confess the same sins over and over. I hate to admit that I have failed, again.
So often like the Pharisee, I convince myself that I haven't really done anything that wrong. That while some may call what I said about the person gossip, I was simply telling the truth. Yes, I was not loving to my family member . . . but his actions toward me did not merit love. No, I did not tell a lie, but I also did not tell the whole truth. Sometimes my greatest sin is in thinking my sins are not strong enough to warrant confession.
And, then it hits me. With each sin, regardless of how big or small, I am drifting farther and father way from Him. Each day that I convince myself I do not need to go to confession makes the next time skipping it a bit easier. But, if I allow myself long enough to reflect, I realize it will never be easy to go. So, I do.
Then, I remember why I go. With every telling of my sins, a weight is lifted. As the tears flow down my face and onto the floor, I hear the words, "Go in peace." His abundant mercy has allowed me to begin again—allowing the only true peace there is. The grace He has given us through this sacrament lets this poor sinner feel as if God's arms are wrapped around her like a mother to a child saying, "It's okay. I still love you."
I am always in need of peace. I believe it is time I once again return to Him asking for his mercy.
Would a trip to confession bring you the peace you need today?
Britt Fisk is the wife of Jeremy and mother of four young kids. She spends her days living simply in the-middle-of-nowhere-New Mexico helping with the family beef cattle operation. You can find out more about her here.
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