Over the past two decades, I’ve heard numerous talks about on the topics of singleness, dating, and vocational discernment. These days, I also give these talks myself. As a single woman who has spent the last twenty years praying with my desire for marriage and talking to women across the Church who are longing for their own vocation, I have observed that prolonged singleness can erode faith and hope in Catholic women of all ages.
In part one of this two-part blog series, How to Date Like a Saint, I put forward lessons from Patrick O’Hearn’s book, Courtship of the Saints, to help us navigate intentional dating—or as he prefers, courtship—for the sake of a holy marriage and ultimately Sainthood. But the beauty of courtship is preceded by another, sometimes much longer, season: singleness.
And with it comes the question, How do we live fruitful, joyful lives while we wait for our vocation?
Sainthood Starts Now
The purpose of every vocation, including marriage, is Heaven. But the pursuit of holiness doesn’t begin when we say I do. Holiness is the universal call of Christians at every age and stage of life, meaning it is available to us as single women now. What do I mean by holiness? The process of discipleship: developing a personal relationship with Jesus through prayer, being set free and purified from our sins, and growing in virtue.
It can be tempting to believe that growing in our faith is a way to earn our vocation, or that we have to reach a certain level of healing to be worthy of it. But in the words of Saint Gianna, vocation “is a gift from God: therefore it comes from God!” (Courtship of the Saints).
Yes, vocation is a gift, and gifts are meant to be received. We don’t deserve them, and we can’t earn them. Neither can we manifest or arrange for them by our own effort.
Instead, as women, we are uniquely invited to imitate the Blessed Mother by adopting a feminine receptivity to the Lord, pursuing Him for His own sake, trusting in His perfect love and timing, and allowing Him to lead us into our vocations.
Wait Like a Saint
When you’ve been waiting and your heart aches for marriage, I understand that this advice might be infuriating. It’s certainly counter-cultural, especially in our modern world where women have been empowered in almost every sphere of life. Why wouldn’t that be true of dating? To be clear, I’m not advocating that women should hide in their homes, hoping Mr. Right will magically appear on their doorstep. That’s passivity, not the kind of active waiting we witness throughout Scripture.
The Hebrew word most commonly translated as “wait” (as in, wait upon the Lord) is qava, which also means to tie together by twisting, to entwine, to wrap tightly. Instead of enduring singleness, we can choose to spend our time actively pursuing Jesus, maturing as disciples and women, and becoming more and more united—or entwined—to Him as we wait with Him.
Pray Like a Saint
As a single woman, building a firm foundation of prayer will benefit you and the people you love now and will be a blessing to your future spouse.
As single women, we generally have the freedom to make our own schedules. Our free time is ours. So in this season of singleness, why not practice prioritizing prayer and establishing life-giving routines, including frequent reception of the Sacraments? If you’re struggling with habitual sin, particularly sexual sin, now is the time to develop discipline and avail yourself of the grace of Confession. Nurturing Christian friendships will also help you to stay connected to Jesus and grow in your faith.
Talk Like a Saint
Growing in prayer helps us to grow in virtue. Jesus is always developing us more and more into His likeness, and as we spend time with Him and in His Word, our words should change too. In what ways do you need to clean up your speech? Maybe you struggle with gossip, negativity, or cussing. Ask your Guardian Angel to help you to “set the believers an example in speech and conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12).
Women in a particular way were designed to bear life and this capacity isn’t limited to childbearing. Proverbs says that “death and life are in the power of the tongue,” so we bring life when we encourage others (Proverbs 18:21). This is especially true for the men in our lives who value respect. As single women, we can train ourselves now to speak life into the men we know, calling out their goodness and strength rather than criticizing them.
Similarly, gratitude and cheerfulness will not only bless others but will affect our mood and attitude! Changing the way we talk changes us and the world around us.
Trust Like a Saint
What if we adopted a posture of trust in our single season, believing that God cares about our vocation more than we do? Instead of worrying or striving, what if we asked the Father to arrange everything? What if we expected Him to provide for us in this most important matter? What if we believed He was powerful and loving enough to do it? I encourage you to take these questions to prayer.
Practice entrusting the details (how, where, who, when) to Jesus and relaxing your grip and efforts and timeline. Simply talk to Him from your heart. Share your desires with God as a friend, as a Father. Tell Him if you’re tired or angry or hurting. Tell Him your hopes and dreams. Tell Him everything.
From this place of vulnerability, ask Him to lead you one day at a time. Maybe that means joining a dating app or quitting them altogether. Maybe it means taking a break from dating for a while to heal and grow in your relationship with the Lord. He may encourage you to end a relationship or open your heart to a longtime friend you’ve never considered dating. There is no formula or pattern to follow. Simply follow Him.
Your vocational path is uniquely personal because God is exceedingly personal. Your story won’t be like anyone else’s because you’re not like anyone else. But you can trust that He’s making “all things work together for good,” both for you and for your vocation (Romans 8:28).
Beth Davis is a lover of Jesus, a retired youth minister, the Director of Formation for Blessed is She. She is passionate about teaching women how to develop an intimate relationship with Jesus in prayer through writing, speaking, and mentorship. Her favorite things include being the favorite aunt to her five niece and nephews, making friends everywhere she goes, and whatever book she’s currently reading.
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