Right After I Lost It

I just lost it.

Three kids were having a full-on meltdown. I was trying to make dinner after a long day of patient care. They were hungry, and I wasn't moving fast enough. The baby was strapped in the carrier, the two year old was crawling at my leg, and the four and seven year olds were screaming at each other.

I completely lost it.

I threw the spatula down. Stomped over to my husband who was attempting to calm everyone down. I handed him the baby and yelled at the kids.

"Why can't you just calm down?! Can't you see that I'm trying to make dinner? Just CALM DOWN!"

I went out the front door, slammed it, and took myself on a walk around the block.

As I sped walked down the street, huffing and puffing, I was trying to convince myself that I was justified in my reaction. THEY made me yell. THEY made me freak out. THEY don't understand how tired I am.

I was battling with babies. Me—the fully-grown adult, with an advanced degree, grey hairs sprouting, and supposed maturity—standing there arguing with babies.

Gut check. I stopped in the middle of the road, took a few deep breaths, and prayed that Mary would lend me her heart. I turned around, walked home and then back inside, cheeks red with embarrassment, to find that my husband had continued making dinner and the kids were on the couch watching an episode of their favorite show, calmly enjoying a cup of milk.

I went over to them, looked them in the eyes, and said, "Mommy is so sorry I reacted that way, I should never yell at you, I will work on controlling my emotions when I am frustrated." They smiled back at me and then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, just three cool cucumbers.

Saint Paul tells us to not cause others to stumble in today's reading, 2 Corinthians 6:1-10. I need that constant reminder to model the behaviors I wish to see from my kids. They will take my lead.

"Thou shall be chill." // Saint Paul, probably.

What is your go-to prayer or Scripture verse to help you calm down? Share it with a friend today.

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