Love’s Got A Hold On My Heart

“Do not let your hearts be troubled.” // John 14:1

I sucked in a breath and tried to remain as still as possible while the sunny-haired technician pressed the doppler firmly to my chest and captured the images she needed. The icy cold gel stung my bare skin, but I felt the tangible inner warmth of the Lord’s presence as I surrendered the findings of this latest test to His Cross. 

Concerns from my doctor that I might have an undiagnosed heart condition prompted him to order a cardiac ultrasound to assess the structure and overall function of my heart. I didn’t yet have an explanation for the frequent flutters in my chest or the frightening episode of syncope (a fancy word for passing out) that had caused me to crash my car months prior. But what I did know was that Christ was using everything to draw me to Himself (see John 14:3). 

As I shifted my body toward the wall so the tech could take more pictures, I offered a silent prayer to Jesus to unify my heart with His, whatever this procedure might show. Moments later, I heard the tech exclaim, “Your heart looks beautiful!”  

I smiled to myself. Suffering love so often paves the way to beauty, doesn’t it? Just like the story of Saint Clare of Montefalco, also known as Saint Clare of the Cross. Clare was a thirteenth-century Augustinian nun who possessed a deep devotion to Our Lord’s Passion. During her life, which was marked by nearly constant suffering, she adamantly professed that she bore the Cross of Christ in her heart. When her heart was examined after she died, it was found to contain not only a perfect imprint of the Cross, but also other miniature instruments of Christ’s suffering and death (source).      

Dear sister, take a moment to dissect your own heart before the Lord. Are you able to see signs of His Presence impressed there, even amid suffering and turmoil? Whatever your troubled heart holds, rest assured that He is within you, engraving His likeness into every fiber of your being.  

And, believe me, friend, that is a beautiful thing.