"As you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood near you here, praying to the LORD. I prayed for this child, and the LORD granted my request. Now I, in turn, give him to the LORD; as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the LORD.” // 1 Samuel 1:26-28
Snuggled up together in a cozy living room, my friends and I were catching up about our lives during a Blessed is She retreat. We had not seen each other in over a year and were sharing our hearts, joys, sorrows, worries, and everything in between.
Talking over wine, cheese, and chocolate-covered almonds, we got to sharing some of the harder things on our hearts. For a couple of years, I have been worried about my five-year-old son. He has a hard time with emotional processing, sensory overload, sensitivity to stimuli, and anything that does not go "his way."
Raising a highly sensitive child can be exhausting and challenging. I reached out to my friends for advice, guidance, and good old-fashioned venting. They were so generous in their love, support, and stories of similar hardships in their own children. I felt seen, heard, and carried.
But the crippling guilt of my own perceived shortcomings in my own parenting have been eating me up. Am I not a good enough mother to him? Do I not give him what he needs? Where am I falling short? Why can't this be easier? How do I help him? Why can't he be like his siblings?
The daily jumble of toxic thoughts roll around my head. I feel like a failure.
But during a healing intercessory prayer session at the retreat, in His most gentle and infinite fatherly love, God spoke to my heart: Why are you holding on so tight? Let him go. He was never only yours. He's Mine. Let Me take care of him.
A wave of peace, of shock, of realization hit me. My kids were never only mine. They are always His.
What else have I been holding on to so tight? My job? My home? My family? My worries? Nothing I have is only mine. When I relinquish my grip, I can allow God to work His will in my life.
Sister, what are you holding on to so tight? How can you loosen your grip and give it back to God?
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