But let your “Yes” mean “Yes” and your “No” mean “No,” that you may not incur condemnation. // James 5:12
I could feel the people-pleaser in me begin to bellow deep within. It was a slow groan at first, starting with a tightening of the chest before its quick release shot through my mouth.
“Yes,” I blurted out to her. “I will help you with your meeting.”
Her face softened and her shoulders relaxed. It was a meeting to determine the fate of a program she wanted to start, and my presence seemed to satisfy a bit of her anxiety. The only problem was that this commitment simultaneously provoked a bit of my anxiety.
Immediately after my yes, the mental gymnastics began. I glanced down at my calendar to see the two other yeses I had committed to on the day of the meeting. I began trimming—allocating some of my time here and some of my time there, and some of my time squished in between the two.
In the end, all of the yeses I had committed to became frail and devoid of the support I had promised. Each yes led to an unanticipated no—a no to my time, sanity, and full support.
People-pleasing is something I continually struggle with, and if I am not careful, the yeses begin to build up until I am left fragmented and frazzled.
Today’s first reading is a beautiful reminder of how we are called to live with one another: “But let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ mean ‘No’” (James 5:12).
I wonder, dear sister, if you struggle with the same thing, if your need to please regularly inhibits the commitments you’ve made in your life. If so, I invite you back to today’s First Reading; walk through your commitments with the Lord, asking Him to show you where your yeses and nos should be.
More often than not, a firm no can be so much better than a watered-down yes. May the people-pleaser in us all take refuge in that truth.
Brittany Calavitta is an enthusiastic advocate for a good book, strong coffee, and a hopeful heart. After battling years of infertility, she and her husband welcomed their first child on September 11, 2016. While balancing time between life with a preschooler and a husband who travels for ministry, Brittany dances professionally all over Southern California where her family currently resides. She was a contributing author to Here Too: Where We Find God and Made New: 52 Devotions for Catholic Women. Find out more about her here.
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