Trusting Beyond Trauma

The power was out.

We forgot to pay the electricity bill.

An innocent mistake that could easily be used as an offering in solidarity with all those living without electricity daily. It was summer. The daylight was long, and the weather was warm. It was just one night.

But I went into a full on panic attack and called my husband at work in tears.

I tried to explain my feelings, but it was hard to fully articulate why this honest mistake was hitting me so hard via phone.

You see, while growing up, our finances were such that there were multiple times that my parents had to choose between buying groceries or paying a utility bill. I can vividly remember the first day of my freshman year of high school having to knock on our neighbor’s door to ask if we could get ready in their bathroom because we had no power again.

And while I thought I had moved past much of the trauma associated with those memories, it was crazy how quickly they returned and how real they were.

It was confirmed, the bill was now paid, but the power couldn’t be restored until the next morning. I was alone, newly pregnant, waiting for my husband to complete the rest of his twelve-hour shift and come home.

So I prayed.

I prayed in hurt and in anger.

I prayed in confusion and in fear.

I cried out to God, asking how this could still be happening when I was so intentional in planning and choosing and preparing an adult life that would be stable and free of my past trauma.

And when exhaustion finally caused me to just be still and silent, I remembered.

I remembered all the ways God’s mercy had sustained me during the hardest moments.

I remembered the loved ones He'd sent who carried me through challenges and heartaches.

And I remembered again why my turn-to phrase is always, “God will provide.”

Because it’s true. Today. Tomorrow. And forever.

“He who made the promise is trustworthy” (Hebrews 10:23).

God will provide. // Sarah Rose Click to tweet

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