Prepping the Seed Bed

“It is like a mustard seed that, when it is sown in the ground, is the smallest of all the seeds on the earth.” // Mark 4:31

It was a late night at work, and I could feel the headache from physical and emotional exhaustion coming on. The recent transition into a new job and a new city weighed heavily on my heart, and I felt restless. I did not think I could reasonably call a friend at 11 p.m. on a weeknight, so to a tiny chapel I went. Hurrying to pray, I opened my Bible and my books to find some sort of answer to fix this uneasiness and exhaustion. Minutes went by, and I grew to be more frustrated. Nothing seemed to bring rest within me. I read and read, and yet I grew even more tired and depleted. I called out in frustration, “What do You want from me?”

Honesty, I heard in my own heart.

I began to realize I had not offered God what was truly at the root of my exhaustion: my loneliness. My fear was that it was too insignificant, too small. I learned that night that the Lord desires to be with me at all times. When I am lonely on my drive home, when I’ve had an interaction that was draining, when I simply need a friend but it is too late, or when I just need a hug, He is there. He cares for me there. He longs to meet me here. None of these desires are too small for Him to notice. And often, like the mustard seed in today’s Gospel, these are the seed bed for the greatest truths.

Friend, Our Lord takes great delight in being invited into those small and tender mustard seed places of your heart in order to sow the seed of intimacy that will bear much fruit. May you have the clarity to see these small but mighty places in your own heart and the courage to bring them to Our Beloved.

One thing alone is necessary; that the sinner set ajar the door of his heart, be it ever so little, to let in a ray of God’s merciful grace, and then God will do the rest. // Saint Faustina, Diary of Saint Faustina (1507)