Bittersweet Love

“Much will be required of the person entrusted with much,

and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more.” // Luke 12:48

Growing up close with my younger brother, I have many fond memories of companionship and joy. However, it also brought some of my earliest memories of feeling annoyed. Adorable as my brother is, naturally, I heard the following phrase often:

“He’s younger than you; he doesn’t know better yet!” 

I call it my “first pet peeve”—when my brother was held to a different standard than I was. Usually it was a small thing, like how to clean up after dinner. Other times it was bigger things, like kindness and generosity. 

The truth was, my brother didn’t know better yet. He was being formed by my parents, but he was little. He had room to make mistakes and learn from them as he got older, just as I had.

I couldn’t just do whatever I wanted anymore and claim ignorance as the reason. I had been taught how to do my chores, how to share, and how to forgive. Unfortunately, I often did it all with a bitter heart.

The same feeling finds me today as a disciple of Jesus. He has entrusted me with much; I’ve been chosen to follow Him and live in relationship with Him. That’s a very sweet thing!

But honestly, I still grow weary when I look around at a world that doesn’t care about prayer and virtue, which are so hard for me. I am tempted to envy how they have it much “easier,” even though I know how much they lack without Jesus. I know how much I lack without Him.

In this bittersweet tension, my need for Jesus is so clear. I do not want a resentful heart, so I need His much stronger love.

I love this quote from Saint Thérèse of Lisieux about learning to love an annoying fellow Sister: “What attracted me was Jesus hidden in the depths of her soul; Jesus who makes sweet what is most bitter” (source).

Pray with me:

Jesus, continually pour out Your sweetness over my weaknesses. When You do, I promise to receive it. I will joyfully follow You, even when it’s hard. Your love is worth it.