Lent 2019 proved to be one of the most trying, difficult Lenten seasons of my adult life.
Fresh off a dating break-up, I was working through big feelings and loneliness. On top of that, I happened to see for the first time (since my divorce) my former husband at a prayer meeting with my mom. I felt equal parts triggered and angry.
Seeing how strong a reaction I had, I knew there was more to process with Jesus. I asked the Lord what He was trying to teach me or reveal through this situation. As clear as a bell, I heard in my heart, "Well, there is still more that needs to die inside of you." Ouch. Awkward silence.
Lent 2019 was a season where I learned about more things that had to die inside of me. I began to realize what things I had to let go of: resentment, past hurts, fear of suffering, and control over my future.
The Gospel (Luke 14:25-33) today reminds me of what I learned in my Lenten journey: more about myself and Who God is.
The words of Jesus to His disciples remind me that in order to follow Jesus with greater abandonment: I need to let go of certain things and ideas. I need to not put other people or relationships on a pedestal instead of Jesus. I have to evaluate which are the various idols in my life and how they affect my relationship to God. I need to be aware of where I avoid the cross in my daily life. I need to take personal responsibility for that which needs to still die inside of me.
Perhaps a similar question will challenge you as it did me: what are the things inside of me that still need to die so I can more freely and fully follow Jesus?
Following Jesus with our whole heart and mind has a cost. However, the benefit of drawing closer to Jesus always outweighs the cost.
Follow Jesus with greater abandonment. // @amoderngraceClick to tweet
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Patty Breen serves as Ministry Formation Manager of Ascension Health and writes online in several different spaces. Her loves include CrossFit, writing and speaking, strong cups of coffee, Ignatian spirituality, and loving on her godchildren, niece, and nephew. Patty is passionate about messy and deep conversations at the intersection of faith, culture, and ministry. Find out more about her here.
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