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When My Marriage Needed More than a Date

become one

In order to make the house run and my sanity stay locked in place, I have systems and more systems. I have routines. I have check lists.

I have long days here at the house. My husband has long office days, and a long commute home usually in poor conditions. Date nights are averaging once per year since breastfeeding babies, snow, deployments, and utter chaos are the norm. In all the daily hum-drum, our marriage was getting buried.

How was I supporting my husband? Was he struggling? Some days, I really could not have told you where he was emotionally or where I was. I just knew we were not there together.

We started praying together. It was a random new year’s resolution to “pray more”. I would whip out my tablet and find the daily reading or click on Divineoffice.org. He would join me every now and again mentioning that he enjoyed the decompression time. Eventually, it became a habit to find each other before bed and pray.

It’s funny how quickly those minutes added to our love for each other. Even after a rough day, we sought each other. I was more likely to think better of my husband’s actions seeing them without a filter directed towards hurting me. My anger dissipated quicker knowing that he too was struggling. More and more time was stolen for each other. Those quiet subtle moments of prayer so much like Christ’s were bringing us to truly becoming one.

In Genesis, it is written: “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh” (2:24). The phrase “become one flesh” used to leave me feeling smothered. I felt that I was not enough alone–my wants, my desires, and my needs were being pushed aside. Now, I see that becoming one with my husband, spiritually, increases my capacity to be happy, contented, fulfilled. Christ gave me this man to teach me how to love more than myself. He gave me my husband in order for us to walk alongside each other into Christ’s embrace.

Often times, we hear about emotional intimacy or physical intimacy for our marriages, but what about the state of the spiritual intimacy in our marriage? We can learn a lot about our spouse from praying with them. In the sacrament of marriage, we are here to uplift, support, and lovingly challenge each other to holiness as we draw sanctifying grace.

Finding those five or ten minutes, will lead to a deeper participation in the life God has planned for you as a couple.

photo by Corynne Olivia

Ashley is a stay at home mom and military wife who moves around with her husband of seven years. She love to chronicle the everyday adventures searching for grace amidst the chaos of four children, two dogs, a cat, and a training schedule.

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    Andrea
    July 7, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    This is such a sweet post–I’m engaged and am also looking to see how I can support, encourage and love my Fiance . It’s incredible to see how just a few minutes a day can contribute to the overall strength of marriage.

  • Reply
    Christine
    July 11, 2015 at 7:52 pm

    This: “Now, I see that becoming one with my husband, spiritually, increases my capacity to be happy, contented, fulfilled.”

    Love this post.

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