Vulnerability in Marriage

My husband and I have had issues. At one point I thought we were resolved to simply tolerate each other until death did we part. Maybe you’ve felt that way in your relationship: like you couldn’t be your real selves. Like you were holding your breath.

But the past couple of years of marriage brought something totally new and game-changing.


Painful, heart-n-gut wrenching, all-revealing vulnerability. After stuffing my feelings and desires for years, I finally let them out little by little. I was honest and learned how to be brave.

And you know what? My husband felt the same way.

We were stuck in a stalemate of being guarded and for all intents and purposes, hoarding our hearts.

But I’ve told him everything now. Andrew knows me whole and entire and loves me anyway. He opened himself to me after years of not. I know him whole and entire and love him because of it.

Which is how it’s supposed to work.

Christ made himself vulnerable to His Bride the Church at all times: as a newborn, as a child amid aged wisdom in the temple, as a tired man continuing to give Himself to souls starving for truth, as One righteous yet crucified, and as One who reigns with the Father in Heaven but is here on Earth as Bread.

And we are ABSOLUTELY supposed to live in imitation of that same vulnerability, which is a tall order and super, super hard. But now it’s like I’m seeing my husband for the first time, the real him, after continuing to let him into my heart and make myself a safe place for his.

Next month is our ninth anniversary.

We have zero plans for going out. No money for gifts. I’m postpartum with our fifth and we’re steeped in life. But hands down, we’re the happiest we’ve ever been because I know the man to whom I’m married and he knows me.

Nine years. Five babies. The highest highs and lowest lows I can imagine. And most importantly a marriage made new in Christ.

Last year on the morning of our 8th anniversary, he gave me a letter. “My dearest, dearest Love,” it began, “You have unlocked my heart…”

Written by Katie Sciba. Find out more about her here.

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