Lent for the Married

Andrew and I were passing ideas back forth—sweets, alcohol, eating between meals. What to give up for Lent? I could do the typical, but I want this year to be different. I want to thrill in Easter joy on a level deeper than Reese’s and the relief that the strife is o’er. 

So I thought I’d start with God’s biggest call in my life—my husband.

Marriage with Andrew is my life’s work. A priest friend of ours told us recently, “Your vocation is not to this general idea of marriage; it’s to Andrew. And God will call to you from within that vocation.” Marriage-to-Andrew is my ticket to Heaven and the most important thing Jesus asks me to do. And so I’m focusing my sacrifices and efforts on seeing that we are bigger than me, as well as the fact that the Lord Himself designed us to draw the other closer to Him.

And if there’s anything the two of us could use more of, it’s Jesus.

Here is non-exhaustive list of what any two marrieds, us included, could do during Lent.

1) Go to Mass during the week.

Leave the kids with grandparents or a sitter (or bring them along!) and go to Mass. Nothing and no one will improve our marriage better than Jesus.

2) Ask, “What can I do to make your day better?”

Put the answer at the top of our To Do List.

3) Keep in mind that we are a team.

We try to approach conflict in a way that tackles the issue instead of each other. One of my favorite professors at Benedictine College once told my class, “My wife and I know that we’re two people looking for the truth, so what could be an argument becomes a joint effort toward what’s best for us and our family.”

4) Go to adoration.

Swing by the chapel at the start or end of a date or plan a whole hour together. Drawing closer to Christ will bless all that vocation stuff we do. If we can’t make it as a couple, I try to bring his intentions with me before the Lord. As his wife, I know I’m Andrew’s designated intercessor.

5) Don’t interrupt.

We try to not interrupt either vocally or in our minds. Whether he’s filling me in on his day or hashing out his side of an argument, I quiet myself and give him an ear instead of conjuring a response while he’s talking.

6) Anticipate his needs.

Does he need a lunch for work? Do I know that his keys aren’t in the usual spot? Put them away. Get his car washed. Send a love note email every day around the same time so he’ll look forward to it. Help make life at home enjoyable for him and our kids.

7) Pray the Litany of Humility.

Find it here: Litany of Humility. Ouch, I know. But lemme tell ya—it hurts so good.

8) Give together.

Serve your parish, extended family, or group of friends. Host a big potluck or treat another family (or a few!) to a night off from making dinner by prepping the whole thing yourself. Volunteer somewhere. Substitute for someone’s holy hour. Imitate Christ through shared self-giving.

9) Complete The Love Dare together or solo.

10) Help each other go to Confession.

Make that time for each other to go every couple of weeks. Be gracious and generous about how long it may take and if you have kids, don’t complain or elaborate on the chaos and challenge of keeping them when your sweetie comes home.

11) Bless another couple!

Offer to watch their kids while they take a much-needed night or morning out together.

12) Pray together daily.

It doesn’t have to be complicated, but I challenge you to join me in going one step beyond what we’re doing right now. If you don’t pray together yet, start with one Glory Be together when you wake up or go to bed—ultimately, our marriages are made for the glory of God.

Pray the Rosary or a Chaplet. If we want to be really spiritually intimate, we can pray over each other out loud—speak to Jesus about your husband and let your sweetheart have a listen in. It will change you both.

13) Fast.

Abstain from something—cream and sugar in coffee, snacks on Tuesday afternoons, butter on toast. Offer small sacrifices solely for our spouse’s salvation and well-being.

14) Read Scripture together.

The Word of God changes hearts.

15) Give alms.

Comb our budget for extra discretionary funds to offer a particular charity or give it to our parish on top of our tithe.

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How else can you Lent with your man?? I want to remember that Jesus who blessed the marriage at Cana wants to be invited to my relationship with my husband. And doing so will heal our wounds, fortify us for life’s storms, and help us experience that deep Easter joy.

Written by Katie Sciba. Find out more about her here.

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  • Reply
    February 28, 2017 at 1:23 pm

    Great ideas! Hubby and I have been married for almost 39 years and have run out of fresh ideas. Thanks so much!

  • Reply
    February 28, 2017 at 3:38 pm

    I love this!! We just had our first baby and things have been a little crazy. We haven’t had the time to focus on our marriage like we did pre-baby. I look forward to this challenge! Thanks so much for sharing 🙂

  • Reply
    February 28, 2017 at 5:39 pm

    Beautiful ideas!

  • Reply
    March 2, 2017 at 7:00 am

    Great reminder to stay grounded on what is at the heart of who we are as married people. There are a thousand ideas and suggestions out there for Lent and life betterment in general that pull at our attention, but to stay at the core of the vocation and specifically focus on the actual person as opposed to the idea is very helpful.

  • Reply
    Amy @ The Salt Stories
    March 3, 2017 at 10:50 am

    Great post Katie, I love your list and ideas!! I am making an effort to kiss my husband every day this lent and when I feel frustrated to ask a question instead of snapping. Thanks for writing!!

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