Little gal pal Callan Thérèse made her debut on December 7th, and life truly has not been the same since. New motherhood has been a season of learning, growing, and being stretched. I’ve grown used to asking myself a million times, “Am I doing this right?!”
It’s been a season of leaning into Him and His way. It’s been a season of truly digging deep into the present and not worrying so much about the moment, but the one that’s before me. As I sit and reflect on all that motherhood outside of the womb has been, I am in awe. I am joyful and tired. I am filled to the brim and simultaneously emptied. I am so in love with this new little life we have to take care of, and also so in shock that I’m old enough to do this thing called motherhood (I’m 29 for the record…). There have been joys and there have been struggles. And there has been a lot of grace.
The Struggles of New Motherhood
Let’s be real. My schedule doesn’t exist. I’m a planner and use my Blessed is She Liturgical Planner each and every day. Before Callan arrived, I’d have every hour of each day planned out. I knew what was happening and when. It was amazing.
No More Schedule
Yet now, my schedule is a bit more of a…free for all. Callan eats at odd hours, sleeps at odd hours, is awake at odd hours. Everything, so it seems, is at an hour which I haven’t planned. The struggle is real for this planner.
With the lack of schedule comes a lack of sleep. We wake every few hours at night to feed. Somedays I actually wonder if my eyes are open because of the night we’ve had. And yet, with the lack of schedule I am learning to simply be present. I am learning more about the gift it is to be still and I’m given numerous opportunities throughout each day to practice. The struggle is real, but so is the beauty of practicing intentional presence with our sweet girl.
I’m tired, like I already mentioned. And so is my sweet husband, Matt. We have this routine at night where I’ll feed Cal and then Matt will wake to change her diaper, swaddle her back up, and put her back in her bassinet.
With our sleep deprivation and the fact that we both work long hours—me from home and Matt at his law firm—we aren’t much fun at the moment. It’s hard to invest in one another after a long day. But we’re learning quickly that communication is everything. We’re learning to call each other on in the midst of this grand transition. We’re learning to band together more than ever before as a team, for our girl, and for our marriage. For the glory of His Kingdom and the family unit.
We know that this season is one in which we don’t have a lot of time for each other, but we’re learning to steal hugs and kisses here and there. We’re learning to over-communicate rather than under-communicate about where we’re at and what we need. We’re learning to sacrifice more for the sake of our little family. I know we’re growing in holiness through this.
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The Joys of New Motherhood
The joys of new motherhood far outweigh the struggles. I am in awe each day that I wake to find this little tiny human that’s ours. I am in awe at the very thought of this: God chose this little gal pal for us, and us for her. He willed that we may lead one another to the gates of Heaven by loving each other well in this life. It’s all so crazy to me when I really reflect and pray through it all. My heart swells each day for many reasons because I get to be this girlie’s mama.
Her little coos. Her smiles. The fact that she’s staying awake longer now. Seeing Matt and Callan together on the couch after a long day, his strong hands holding her little self so gently and with such great love. The fact that my parents are grandparents for the first time and watching them interact with their grand baby. Adventuring out as a family of three instead of just two. Growing into parenthood with my very best friend. Learning to pray through literally everything and not questioning this path that the Lord has set before us.
It’s so easy to fall into comparison or doubt as a new mother. It’s so easy to wonder if we’re “doing things right.”
But silently, gently, and yet so profoundly, the Lord laid these words on my heart: “This season of new motherhood is a season of quiet faithfulness.”
Quiet faithfulness. It reminds me of our sweet Blessed Mother and the way she so deeply trusted her motherhood and the path set before her.
My joys of new motherhood are ultimately rooted here, too. Quiet faithfulness. I don’t know all there is to being a new mom and could probably use a bit of advice here and there. But I know that He leads this way. And I know that Callan is ours to lead to Him. And so I continue to go quietly in faith, trusting that He never calls and fails to equip. My joy comes from the Lord.
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Shalini Blubaugh is a Minnesota transplant living in Denver, Colorado with her sweet husband, Matt, their quite large GSD pup, Sully, and baby on the way. She is a health coach and loves pizza, because #balance. Some of her favorites include travel, re-connecting with old friends and making new ones, the ways in which God so beautifully brings all things full circle in His time, and a good, loud thunderstorm. Find out more about her here.