It was a cold, dark winter morning as I drove my quiet boy to the surgical center. I tried to warm up from the chill that was in the air and in my heart by blasting the heat into my pale face. I had brown mittens on that were sewn together by a friend and my hood covered my damp hair, yet the chill seemed to stay.
My son sat in his carseat still waking up from a night of restless sleep. He spoke little and the feeling in the air around him was one of apprehension.
I was trying to be strong, trying to hold it together, trying to not show how nervous and anxious I was for him to have surgery.
Within my thirty plus years of life I had undergone nine surgeries myself. Some I could not recall since they happened when I was young and others were still fresh in my mind. The pain, the discomfort, the healing process. In the end, all of the surgeries were worth it. But the struggle to recover fully felt as though it would never end.
Plus my trust and hope that all would work out wavered.
Being Strong for Him…
With being an adult, I knew more than I should have. I knew all the things that could go wrong. What if the surgeons were having a bad day? What if my son didn’t respond well to the anesthesia? What if the surgery wasn’t successful? What if my son would never love me again like he did before all of this because I made him go through this trial in life?
As I pulled up to the large, lighted building my mind wandered. When we first found out that my son needed this surgery, my mom suggested that she could come and sit with me. At first I brushed her off. I was a strong woman. I was a capable mother. I didn’t need her there. I could do this.
Instead, I needed her to watch my other children at home. Yet she gently guided me to understand that it’s no fun just sitting around waiting and worrying by yourself. Thankfully, one of my dear friends suggested she could watch my other children and that solved the case of me sitting in a sterile waiting room by myself.
Getting out of our red van that was dirty from the salty roads, my son was still quiet. He had not said much which is unusual since he seems to be either the life of the party or the one causing mischief. I tried to hold a conversation with him, but my nerves weren’t allowing me to do it casually. We finally entered the cold building. I went up to the nurse to check in, while my son collapsed in a waiting room chair.
…Others Being Strong for Me
Then the light showed up in the dark–my mom. I didn’t even notice she came since my back was turned, but I soon heard laughter and turned around to see the woman who meant so much to me. Who was there for me when I was happy and sad. Who was there for me in good times and in hard times. Who was here for me now when I needed some extra strength and support. She did not know that seeing her put me at ease, and I knew I could overcome whatever lay ahead.
This story is very dear to my heart. Everytime I think of it I have many feelings that arise. I also see a strong correlation between my story and the story that God has with His children.
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God is Always Present
Through our times of anticipation or times of uncertainty, He is always with us. He is present in the quiet stillness of our hearts, even if we have a chill. He sits with us, waiting. He stays with us through the worry, the anticipation. He rejoices with us when all goes well. He mourns with us when things don’t go well. He is there even when we question His presence and love for us. He’s the one that guides us to know that we are not alone and that we can rely on Him.
Even when we feel we can handle things ourselves, He’s there waiting to catch us when we fall. He shows us that we don’t need to do things by ourselves or rely only on our human capabilities. That He is there waiting until we are ready to ask for help. That He is always present.
God’s Presence through My Mom
My mom portrayed our Lord be being the light in the dark when my son had his surgery. She was there for me and for him. She showed us love by sitting with us before, during, and after surgery. She allowed me to rely on her and not be alone. I could be vulnerable and she would take me as I was.
Even though I thought I could go through that day by myself, my mom gently held me up before I collapsed with fear and anxiety.
God’ Presence through My Friend
My friend in the story also reminds me of God because she was the one that put my heart at ease while taking good care of my other children. I did not have to put any energy into knowing if they were properly cared for or okay. Instead, I rested in the fact that she was enjoying them, their presence, and loving them in the manner of how I love them. Her gracious heart allowed me peace during that day of uncertainty.
We Need Each Other
Our life needs to be filled with people, with a community, that we can go to for support and understanding. People that can help us when we need something little or something big. People that can bring us up when we are down, and show us there is hope in circumstances that seem hopeless. When we are burdened, overwhelmed, tired (or even when we are joyful, exuberant, and hopeful) we need others to share that with. We are not made to walk this journey of life alone, but in community.
God is present always. His presence radiates in our soul as well as in the souls of others. He uses each of us to impact other people’s lives. May you be blessed, and rest in the the hope and knowledge that God is there with you through every circumstance and He longs to be your light in the dark.God's Presence in Us and Others #BISblog // Click To Tweet
Ann Marschel teaches the Billings Ovulation Method along with taking care of her boys at home. She loves to write, drink a good cup of coffee, soak up the sun, and spend time with her family and Jesus. Find out more about her here.