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BISsisterhood blog

Marriage Can Wait

i will love myself

I can wait to get married.

There I said it. As a 20 year old woman in college, I watch as many of my peers happily get hitched or find their beloved. And yet, here I am, at 20 years old, boyfriend-less with no future husbands in mind to even consider. Never been on a date, never even been kissed.

Yet, I decided for myself a long time ago that whenever I did start dating, I would date with marriage in mind. I was never one for dating for the fun of it. I saw from my early teens a lot of relationships take off, and I saw at lot of them crash and burn. And while I know dating itself will never be the perfect experience, I am willing to wait.

For when my attraction for another begins to transform into a lifestyle of learning to love fearlessly. For when my heart is not governed by lust but by love. Yes, I am willing to wait.

Here’s the thing about waiting: it will cost you. I’ll be the first to say it. There are going to be days when you want to just settle for any random person that walks in front of you. Or days when you just want to write your number on business cards and stick them onto the cars parked on your college campus. You will get frustrated. You will never speak of the cursed “S” word that Beyonce so blatantly sings about. You will roll your eyes at your peers’ PDA with their boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. You will list reasons of why you are single, convincing yourself that God must have forgotten to create special someone for you. You will rant, you will scream, you will cry, you will feel miserable. Am I painting a pretty picture yet for you? But at the end of the day, though, I have come to realize that this is a small, small cost.

When I think of dating with marriage in mind, I think of the Christ and the Cross. The beauty of marriage is that it symbolizes the love Christ has for the Church, a love that is unconditional.

His love was so deep that He risked Himself for us.
He loved us with an absence of fear and a presence of joy.
It cost Him everything, and He gave it all willingly.

This image is exemplified in the sacrament of marriage. When a couple says the words “I do,” what they are truly saying is “I love you, I give myself to you, for as Christ loves His Church, I love you.” This right here is a beautiful statement, one where the husband and wife devote themselves not just to each other, but to Christ; they boldly proclaim they will not FEAR to love.

That’s some powerful stuff there.

For that very reason, I do not take dating and marriage lightly. If I am to someday get married (my mom has her fingers crossed here), I hope that I will not settle, but rather that I will fight for the best love that God has for us, a love that is limitless and is so strong that it will risk everything to love another. Because that is the love of our Savior.

And if the Sacrament of Marriage, and the act of dating is supposed to lead us to love — this being the greatest love — then I can wait. I won’t rush into blinded lust. Like fine wine, I will let this love get better and better with each coming year. I will love myself, love others around me, love Christ, and in doing so my love will attract the greatest love of another.

I will wait. And though it will cost me to wait, I will remain firm because in waiting, my desire to love another will grow, and my heart will be strengthened. So future hubby whoever you are: I am waiting. Waiting with a joyful heart.

photo by Susana Starbuck

Vanesa is a Theology major with a Business minor at Providence College (Providence, RI). An avid coffee drinker and lover of all works concerning St. Thomas Aquinas, she is also a Youth Leader at St John the Baptist. She blogs at The King’s Beloved

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5 Comments

  • Reply
    Emily
    June 17, 2015 at 5:13 am

    I never dated anyone until I met this great guy when I was 22… two years later I married him.

  • Reply
    Laura
    June 17, 2015 at 10:14 am

    Beautiful! You share many of my thoughts and experiences. There are others like you, and we are all waiting for the same thing. It will be worth the wait.

  • Reply
    Teresa
    June 17, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    what about being 48 and a single parent to two great nieces and no sign of a man coming into my life?

  • Reply
    Anonymous
    June 18, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    You’re still very young. That gets more difficult to say when you’re 30+ and yet unmarried, holding out for God’s best, wondering if it is really meant for you. Easier to say at 20. Pray for us who have been waiting for a long time.

    • Reply
      Tiffany
      August 16, 2016 at 8:15 pm

      It may be difficult to wait, yes. Or to think you may not find anyone due to your older age…P.S. – don’t loose your FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE in God (plus a little trust).
      I was in and out of dating (as its very difficult when you are a single parent of a 2 year old), but I was told over and over again – Focus on Whose truly important and He will show you someone important. So I did, with loss of hope here and there, but Focus on God, he will show you. With this method, I’ve met a guy and have been incredibly happy exploring our love for each other and God.

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