The scale once dictated my self-worth. Like many, I equated a specific weight or dress size with feeling “good enough” or beautiful.
As a former celebrity makeup artist, I saw this relentless pursuit of exterior perfection firsthand. Despite flawless makeup, the hunger for an elusive ideal often left a hollow feeling.
My Startling New Body Reality
Then, an unexpected and profound bodily shift began. This wasn’t diet-induced; it was a rapid, unwelcome consequence of battling three chronic illnesses while receiving conflicting treatment plans.
Within six months, I gained sixty pounds—two back-to-back phases of thirty pounds each. Despite diligent efforts with exercise and nutrition, medications paradoxically led to metabolic syndrome, fundamentally altering my physical form.
Clothes no longer fit. And the mirror became a battleground of unfamiliar curves, reflecting an image alien to my soul. A relentless chorus of self-condemnation began, echoing society’s shallow judgments and painful observations from others.
The Crucible of Discomfort and Vulnerability
Even as I pursued every “right” step for my health, my body transformed in ways society and I had feared. This felt like both a dark night of the soul and a purifying baptism, stripping away every illusion of worldly beauty.
Where did this leave me? At war with a deeper reality.
It was in this crucible of discomfort and vulnerability that a profound spiritual recalibration began.
My discomfort echoed lessons from my time as a Discalced Carmelite nun, where outward appearances held no sway. And today, I wish to share three of these lessons with you.
Lesson 1: My Worth Transcends Every Physical Measure
My intrinsic worth and identity stretch infinitely beyond any physical measurement. My body, in its current form, is a sacred vessel for my immortal spirit. It is a dwelling whose dimensions don’t confine the person God crafted me to be.
This truth demanded a radical liberation from beauty misconceptions. I removed the scale from my bathroom after realizing it had usurped God’s place in defining my identity. Instead of chasing past dress sizes, I sought grace in my present form and chose garments that honored my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit.
Additionally, I actively curated my digital environment, unfollowing accounts promoting unrealistic body ideals. I sought communities and mentors who prioritized the interior life, surrounding myself with a cloud of witnesses who saw me not for my outward appearance, but as a beloved child of God.
Lesson 2: Authentic Beauty Emanates From Within
My physical appearance is not a gauge of my beauty. True beauty emanates from my spirit. It radiates through the kindness in my eyes, compassion in my heart, and unwavering strength of my resolve. It is the peace from surrendering control and trusting my God-given resilience.
To fully imbibe this peace, I redirected attention from an external presentation to an interior cultivation. Authentic self-care called me to a more spiritual, holistic form of self-compassion. I viewed my body not as a project for perfection but as a living temple of the Holy Spirit.
This translated into replacing punishing workout routines with mindful, joyful movement, like prayerful walks. I nourished my body with gratitude, seeing food as a sacred gift for sustenance, not control. This practice of holy acceptance filled my soul with peace.
Lesson 3: God’s Gaze on Me Reveals My True Beauty
In God’s sight, my present self is perfectly and wholly sufficient. I neither need a future version of myself to earn worthiness, nor an ideal to achieve before I’m truly seen or loved.
Living this out meant choosing wholehearted presence with others over shame. Before any social setting, I’d pause, pray, and internalize that God saw me—truly, fully, lovingly—in that moment. This divine affirmation unshackled me from external approval. In turn, it enabled authentic joy and childlike charity to emanate from me, much like Saint Thérèse’s “Little Way.”
I slowly beheld my reflection not with judgment, but with sacred curiosity. I saw a “Godfident” survivor, fortified by faith. I believe it is in beholding God daily in prayer that our deepest understanding of true beauty unfurls.
True beauty is forged and revealed when we fix our attention upon the holy inspirations garnered from dwelling on the beauty of Jesus Himself. In His gaze, we witness a beauty utterly devoid of worldly standards and one born of suffering and divine surrender.
When I allowed myself to be truly seen by Jesus, stripped of pretense, I grasped the immeasurable, inherent beauty with which I, too, have been divinely graced.
Reflect and Recharge: Questions for Your Own True Beauty Journey
My journey of learning to embrace my changing body taught me profound lessons about self-worth and authenticity. Perhaps reading my story sparked a flicker of recognition in your own experience.
Take a moment to reflect on these questions in your journal or your cell phone’s notes app.
- How do you speak about yourself internally or out loud, when looking in the mirror or getting dressed? Are your words critical or compassionate? Do they reflect God’s love for you?
- Which societal standards or external expectations have you unknowingly adopted that might be diminishing your self-worth? What is the source of this influence (i.e., social media, magazine covers, fashion guides)?
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What small, intentional step can you take today to embrace a more authentic expression of your personal style or a deeper sense of self-acceptance? Might it be calmly storing away clothes that no longer fit or speaking words of acceptance to yourself for any way you may have rejected the core of who you are?
My hope for you is that you fiercely embrace every surface area of yourself. To do this, invite our Lord into your self-image journey this day.
When you choose to see your inherent worth in God’s eyes, you will begin to contemplate the height, length, width, and breadth of His mindfulness of every fiber of your being (see Ephesians 3:18-19).
This truth shall be perpetually etched into your heart and mind, as it now is in mine:
- You are good.
- You are lovable.
- You are enough.
I wholeheartedly pray that you live and breathe these immutable truths and realize your true beauty.
O’Maria Akpati is a speaker, writer, and True Beauty™ advocate, empowering women to see the truth, beauty, and goodness in themselves. As a former celebrity makeup artist and Discalced Carmelite nun, O’Maria writes for Verily Magazine and Marie Claire Nigeria and is the host of The Theology of True Beauty, on Radio Maria Ireland. In her spare time, she enjoys cooking, kickboxing, and taking long lakeside walks. O’Maria resides in Washington, D.C., and is available to travel and speak worldwide on True Beauty™, our Lady, the beauty of the Saints, and authentic Christian living. Find more online at O’Maria Media.
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