It all started with a book.
Last summer, my small group read Home: A Blessed Conversations Study on the Ten Virtues of Mary. From the beginning, we accepted the invitation to apprentice under Mary—not as students, but as her daughters. Each of us imagined her home in Nazareth, envisioned our rooms within it, and “moved in” with the Holy Family—our family.
There, I imagined the Blessed Mother doing ordinary tasks: cooking, cleaning, caring for little Jesus, and serving Saint Joseph. Most often, however, I imagined Mary attending to my heart. In these encounters, I learned more from Mary than simply how to behave. Over time, as our relationship deepened, I began to learn not only how to be a disciple, but also how to be the woman I was created to be. She was teaching me to become myself.
Mary’s motherhood is meant for each of us. Especially as a woman, she desires a personal relationship with you to help you receive the gift of your femininity—the gift of who you already are.
What Mary Teaches Us About Femininity
Here are four lessons in authentic femininity I am learning from our Lady as I live under her mantle.
1) Femininity is Strong
Modern notions of femininity have replaced our glorious God-given design with a caricature. Some equate femininity with helplessness, or specific personality traits such as being demure or having a preference for the color pink. But the Blessed Mother shows us otherwise.
When Mary remained at the foot of the Cross consoling her Son with her love (see John 19), she stood in opposition to the Pharisees, Roman soldiers, and even human fear. Her defiance was not loud—in fact, it wasn’t the point. She was there only to love. To love steadfastly, courageously, in the face of such brutal violence takes incredible strength. Our Lady stays open despite the pain—a true picture of femininity.
When we suffer, however, we can be tempted to close in on ourselves and shut others out. We may even feel justified to harden our hearts against those who have hurt us. But Mary shows us how to remain soft enough to be pierced—not only at the Cross, but seven times throughout her life, as the image of her Immaculate Heart illustrates. Mary’s vulnerability is a testament to the incredible strength found in tenderness.
2) Love Makes Us Beautiful
As women, we uniquely express the beauty of God. Being and becoming more beautiful is so universally sought after that a $700 billion global industry exists to help women enhance their natural loveliness. But true beauty is more than skin deep.
We’ve all encountered women who are harsh, cold, or judgmental. There’s something distinctly unfeminine about such ugly behavior because we intuitively understand that beauty is inherent to femininity.
During one of her earliest apparitions in Medjugorje, the children were so captivated by the Blessed Mother’s beauty that they asked her, “Why are you so beautiful?” To which she responded, “I am beautiful because I love; if you want to be beautiful, then love” (My Heart Will Triumph, p. 83).
Likewise, in his 1995 Letter to Women, Pope Saint John Paul II termed the uniquely beautiful qualities of women—receptivity, sensitivity, generosity, and maternity—the “feminine genius.” When practiced and purified, these traits not only make us more beautiful, but truly more feminine.
3) Men are Not Women
This statement is true of modern gender politics as well as our daily interactions with the opposite sex. Through books, movies and personal relationships, our Lady has been teaching me how to love and respect men for the unique gift that they are.
She showed me that my “interpretive key” for men was wrong. I speak a feminine language in everything I do, because God made me a woman. But men speak a different language, and their masculinity is written into it, as well as into their hearts, minds, and bodies.
Frustration and hurt often arose when I expected a man to love me like a woman does—more specifically, the way I love: affirming, encouraging, relational, affectionate. However, “the masculine genius” has a language of its own: offering strength, making plans, solving problems, being consistent. While I can have an immediate negative response to a text, email, or interaction, the Blessed Mother points out how to appreciate the unique ways men communicate care and concern—even if they are different from what I’m used to or desiring.
With humility and grace, our Lady teaches us how to listen to the language of masculine love in order to receive men for the gift that they are. Our way is not the best or only way. There is a divine logic in male and female; our sexes are complementary for a reason. And ultimately, masculine love reveals a different quality of the Heart of God.
4) Waiting is Not a Punishment
I have been waiting and praying for my vocation for more than two decades—a wait that has been both painful and purifying. Have I always waited well? Definitely not. But the Blessed Mother is teaching me how to unclench my fists in the waiting and welcome both the longing and the timing from the hands of a loving Father.
Mary’s life with Jesus consisted of many seasons of waiting. In fact, her experience reveals something true about all of our lives: we are always waiting. Our Lady’s disposition in the wait can help us navigate these long and painful seasons in our own lives.
After the angel visited her and Joseph decided to divorce her quietly (see Matthew 1:19), she waited for the Lord to guide him rather than trying to convince him herself. Mary waited through the long months of pregnancy and, after Jesus’ birth, she watched him grow. She searched for three days until He was found in the temple, endured His absence when He set off on mission, stood by as He suffered and died. Mary waited for the Resurrection, the coming of the Holy Spirit, and her own Assumption into Heaven.
Mary understands waiting, and she desires to be with you in yours. Ask our Lady not only to wait with you, but to show you how to embrace and enjoy God’s will in every season of life.
Mother Knows Best
The Blessed Mother is your mother. She is not distant, busy, or hard to please. Because you were baptized into Christ, she sees Jesus in you and loves you with a perfect maternal heart as if you were her only child.
Mary wants to mother you in the places where your feminine heart has been wounded, malformed, or misunderstood. Ask her to teach you about the unique gift of your femininity, which is and always has been a gift to the world.
Beth Davis est une amoureuse de Jésus, une ministre de la jeunesse récemment retraitée et la directrice de l'avancement du ministère pour Blessed is She. Elle se passionne pour enseigner aux femmes comment développer une relation intime avec Jésus et parler d'espoir aux cœurs fatigués. Ses choses préférées incluent être la tante de ses cinq nièces et neveux fantastiques, le générateur de noms de saints et tout livre qu'elle lit actuellement.
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