Learning To Forgive

Amen, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. // Matthew 18:18

I wish I could recount to you a lovely, touching story of one of the many instances where there had been a rupture in friendship and relationship between me and another person that ended up in my freely giving forgiveness which was received with love and gratitude. 

But I’m coming up short on these stories, and that is why today’s Gospel is a difficult and challenging read for me. I hold grudges. I intellectually know that I can and should forgive, but it really proves to be a difficult, uphill climb for me. I will spend years having to consciously choose to forgive someone instead of replaying their faults again and again in my mind on some tragic loop. Even after I have genuinely forgiven someone, I still need to continue to choose forgiveness instead of holding onto my arrogance of being right or my need for them to experience “justice.” My good opinion once lost is indeed lost forever. 

Over the years I do feel as if I have made progress in forgiveness, especially when it comes to those closest to me. The bonds of family require and demand that any discord and bitterness be addressed, even if it is addressed only within myself. It is difficult to forgive someone, to speak the words “I forgive you,” but in many ways it is even more painful to forgive when it is only your choice and internal movement. You know that you will not receive closure or healing in a relationship, so you have to make your own choice to forgive, to receive Christ’s healing, and for the bonds of pain, betrayal, and hurt to be loosed from your life. 

While Christ’s words are definite and direct about the ramifications of holding onto ill will and refusing forgiveness to people in our lives, He doesn’t put a timeline on forgiveness. Jesus gives us the steps of dealing directly with others in our lives, but He doesn’t say that it will instantly or magically become fixed. It is the internal choice that matters, not a happy ending. 

Forgiveness begins with small choices. Ask Jesus in prayer today for the grace to choose forgiveness for the injury you’ve received. We cannot forgive with only our own willpower; it requires the grace of our Savior.