On that day you need not be ashamed of all your deeds, your rebellious actions against me. // Zephaniah 3:11
The sun peeked over the top of the trees as I walked wearily toward the Catholic church across campus. My heart was heavy with shame. I inched into the corner of the back pew, dropped onto my knees, my head falling into my hands.
I was a failure. I’d messed up and was letting that failure become my identity. I readily listened to the voice of the enemy calling me a failure, a hypocrite, telling me I should be ashamed of my weakness.
Drowning in a sea of self-condemnation, I could not imagine how God could ever love me after I rejected His love, chose my own will over His will, and turned away from true good for passing pleasures of this world.
I sometimes still find myself in that place. Sometimes I am still weary of my sinfulness, overwhelmed by the manifold ways in which I choose to turn away from the Lord’s goodness, love, and mercy.
But now, things are different.
Now I know the lies the enemy delights in using against me when I get caught in a spiral of shame and, rejecting those lies, I can confidently embrace the truth of the Father’s love. Even if we turn away from His will, He does not reject us, but delights in waiting for His grace to stir our hearts. He invites us to conversion that we might change our minds after rejecting Him and go into His vineyard (see Matthew 21:29).
Sister, as we journey through this season of Advent, listen to the voice of the Father Who calls lovingly to our rebellious hearts that we might be made humble and lowly, taking refuge in the name of the Lord. Look to the coming Messiah, becoming like us to save us, that you may be radiant with joy and your faces may not blush with shame (Responsorial Psalm 34).
As you wait for the One Who will save us, hear the delight in the voice of your Father Who is close to the brokenhearted (Responsorial Psalm 34). The evil one delights in shaming us. The Father just delights in us!
Sister Maria Fatima grew up in Rhode Island and entered the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist in 2005. She holds a MA in Theology from the Saint Paul Seminary School of Divinity. Sister is in her eleventh year of enlightening middle school minds and drawing hearts to Jesus while teaching religion and history. She currently resides at the motherhouse in Ann Arbor, MI, having previously taught in Texas, Florida, and Ohio. She is a contributing author to our Lent devotional All She Had.
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