Finding and Losing Life

So much of the Gospel today triggers childhood memories. The first time I heard the verse about not loving your father or mother more than God, I sobbed. Now, as a mother, I also cringe when I truly evaluate whether I am loving my children more than Him.

While I believe these verses are gentle reminders that He alone must be our God, another one in the series of statements hits me a bit harder today: “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:39)

Lately, I have struggled with finding my life. I am a stay-at-home mom to six. My oldest is seven and my youngest is five months. I firmly believe I am living my vocation. But, over a span of a few years, I have become addicted to showing the world I can do other things. I can take beautiful photos. I can gain a following. I can connect with others through writing.

While not terrible things in and of themselves, I became addicted to social media, and when I dug deep to find out why, the reason was pretty obvious . . . pride. I could only go a few minutes without checking to see who had liked my photos, who had left a nice comment, and if I had gained any new followers. When I asked myself if I would keep all of my accounts up and running, if there were a way to turn off the likes, comments, and follows, my answer was no.

I had used social media to build myself up, and quickly I did not just want a few likes, I wanted hundreds. As I became more popular, I needed more of it all to satisfy my craving for the affirmation. My phone would be losing battery life at the same rate that my Bible would be collecting dust. My affirmation came from the world, and not from Him.

Simply put, in seeking to find my life, I lost Him.

Stepping away from social media, I am finding Him again. In the stillness. In the faces of my children. In the people who might go unnoticed if my eyes were glued to a new notification on my phone.

I am learning that it is okay to “lose my life” in order that I make time to find myself in Him.

I am finding Him again: in the stillness. // @thefiskfilesClick to tweet

Pray the Saint Michael the Archangel prayer today to ask for his intercession to cast into Hell the Devil and all his temptations out of your life.

Britt Fisk is a wife to a rancher, mom to six, and a photographer from time to time. She spends her days raising cattle on the grasslands of New Mexico while homeschooling her little ones. You can find out more about her here.