I wait for the Lord; my soul waits for his word. // Psalm 130:5
My heart dropped when I saw the name in the email, a name of a dear friend, one with whom I spent many hours discussing ideas and books at our homeschool co-op. She lived nearly an hour away on the other side of the Twin Cities, but on occasion we would get our families together, such as when my husband and I stood as godparents to her baby last year.
It was her baby I first thought of, an eleven-month-old at the time, when I learned that she was suffering from a horrible case of toxic shock syndrome; with only hours to live, the doctors predicted.
So, I prayed continually. She was on my mind and in my heart for the ten excruciating days she remained on the cusp of life and death.
My soul in that time waited for the Lord, for His Word to bring her healing, to bring her life, to bring her back to her five kids and her loving husband. But her soul also waited for the Lord, for she had been learning before her illness about the grace of redemptive suffering. And in the silence of her heart, in her unconscious state, He accepted her offering and brought her to Himself.
We all wondered at the Lord’s will in allowing her to be taken so suddenly from her family. We all did what we could for her husband in his grief. And in our confusion at her death, the Lord speaks to us, “O you of little faith, why do you doubt?” (Matthew 14:31) He will bring good out of her passing; He can use it to bring her whole family and those who loved her into eternal life with Him and with her. For this is why we exist.
Sister, we cannot always understand why the Lord allows the heavy winds, the earthquakes, and the fires of our lives. But we can trust that if we wait for Him, He will come to us with His still small voice (see 1 Kings 19:11-13) and prepare us to live forever with Him.
Susanna Spencer holds a master's in Theology from the Franciscan University of Steubenville and is the Devotions Editor for Blessed is She. She is a freelance writer and editor and a teacher-in-training living with her philosopher husband and four kids in Saint Paul, Minnesota. She loves reading theology, attending beautiful liturgies, cooking delicious food, and casually following baseball. She is the author of the Gospel Studies including Seek His Kingdom: A Meditation on Matthew , Listen to Him: A Meditation on Mark, and Abide in His Love: A Meditation on John. She was narrator for Found: Advent With the Good Shepherd and Rescued: Lent With the Lamb of God and a contributing author and editor for our children’s devotional prayer book, Rise Up. She was the Theological Editor of the Blessed Conversations Studies. Find out more about her here.
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